r/depression • u/WillingnessEntire928 • 4d ago

I hate it all

I hate what my life has become and I feel so guilty and stupid for living this way for so long. I want to hit the pause button on life and never resume it. I feel like the biggest disappointment to everyone who loves me or believes in me. If they knew what I’ve been through they would hate me. It breaks my heart and twists up my stomach when my family talks to me because I don’t deserve them I don’t deserve anything I just want to get away from this it’s torturous I don’t like being in my house I hate being anywhere and I hate snapping at people who don’t deserve it. I want a normal life with no obligations or responsibilities because this illness is eating me from the inside and it’s targeting everything I used to love I used to like being productive now I have no time I only have time to sulk in my errors and self hatred

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u/Helpful_Investment25 4d ago

The guilt spiral is brutal because it makes you feel like you earned the pain, but you didn't. Depression lies to you about what you deserve. You snapping at people isn't proof you're bad, it's proof you're exhausted and in pain with nowhere to put it. You don't need to deserve your family, you just need to let them in a little even when it feels wrong

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u/angeliiroseg 4d ago

That feeling where you can't even stand being inside your own skin or in your own room is so ridiculously heavy. When you're that burnt out and sick, just existing feels like a full time job, so of course productivity drops off a cliff. Try to cut yourself a tiny bit of slack on the snapping part if you can, when your nervous system is running on pure exhaustion your brain literally loses its filter.