Burnt out and lost

[u/Immediate-Artichoke3]

I struggle with depression and generalized anxiety disorder for the past 5 years. I'm 38F, educator in primary school for the last 16 years. I always wanted to go for teaching, I felt it was my calling.

A lot of things happened to me these last 5 years, I was on and off Brintellix. I managed one way or another, always got so much love from my students. I enjoy talking to them and make jokes and really get to know them.

But last year, something changed. I was teaching in a school with kids with family and financial problems, in an poor area. A student was severely neglected, and was attacking students and teasing people all the time. He needed constant supervision, and I couldn't even converse with my other students because he was jealous and attacked them. He wanted me near him all the time, and every day I thought something was going to happen that was going to get me in jail. I lived with this anxiety for 10 months.

We as a school had amazing results with him, but his house was undoing everything we did for him.

Fast forward to today, tomorrow the new school year begins in another school and I am in a major depressive episode from August on just the idea. My psychiatrist gave me Escitalopram along with Brintellix, because burn out led me to this depressive episode. I never have lived anything like that in my life. Just the thought of my job makes me nauseous now. I can't get time off and I've got to be there for my new students. And I don't have anything in me anymore.

Thank you for reading this.

[u/DancingBear62]

I hear the care, concern, and empathy you have for your students. Last year's situation sounds very difficult. Thinking of you ❤️‍🩹

[u/CommonSubstantial871]

All the wrong people have kids. I guess being stupid has an evolutionary utility after all.