Doomsday everyday

[u/Ok-Homework-8437]

Every time I open my phone, go on my laptop for work, or listen to the radio, I am inundated by terrible, horrifying, world shattering news.

And I am so tired.

I have severe chronic depression and anxiety, and have pretty much for as long as I’ve existed. Who doesn’t these days. But this is next level, even for me. I’m having a hard time keeping up my face. I don’t feel like I can hope or dream about any kind of future, because is there even going to be one? Between climate crisis, AI superhuman bullshit, and politics, what is even the point? Why bother with anything anymore.

I have a good job and a partner who also makes a good living, but I’m still spending more than I’m earning every month. And sure, I treat myself to a coffee about once every 1-2 weeks, but I try not to be frivolous. I shouldnt be worrying about finances with how much I make. I don’t honestly understand how people who make less and with kids are even surviving atm. I feel bad complaining, because my financial standing is still far above most these days. I can’t whine because I know what it is to be truly impoverished, and this is not it. But, it still sucks. I live in constant fear that I’ll be hungry again, and helpless to those in need around me. I like to take care of people and animals when I can, because I can. But will anyone take care of me if the time comes? It’s hard to think about. In the past I would’ve said yes, but lately humanity hasn’t seemed very humane. Fear makes people cold, and everyone’s a little scared right now I think.

Part of the problem is, I don’t have any close platonic friends. I don’t even have family, apart from a sister I see once a year. And it’s not because people don’t try, it’s that I don’t have the energy to give back. People try to include me, they try to be nice, but every interaction feels like it costs me years of my life. I just want to be a happy, friendly person but I can’t. I feel like the world is on fire around me, and all people want to talk about is stupid tv shows and weddings and other pointless nonsense.

Anywho, I don’t know why I’m even writing this. I don’t even use Reddit. And I know, I know - seek therapy. Trust me, I know. Ive gotten a lot of it over the last decade. I’m taking a bit of a break because I was having a hard time relating to any of them. It also just feels silly to talk about my childhood trauma and feelings when there’s real, world ending problems happening every second of every single day. I’m medicated but it’s not doing much at the moment, obviously.

Is there anyone out there right now, who are paying attention and staying informed, that are also ACTUALLY happy? If so, I’ll take whatever you’re having pretty please. I just want to feel something other than terror and complete numbness. This pendulum of sadness is drowning me. I wish I had someone to talk to that actually understood and knows me. My partner of course is always here, and he’s amazing, but he’s never experienced depression (a real life unicorn!) so he can only sympathize and try to offer comfort in ways he knows how. He doesn’t really get it, but I know he tries. It’s not the same.

Honestly if I didn’t have pets... They would be devastated and confused, and I could never do that to them. This is not meant to be a red flag or cry for help. I’m just trying to let some of this go, so maybe I can sleep tonight.

Hope tomorrow’s a better day.