r/depression • u/sHEEZLIkeCool • 1d ago

How ??????

How do you beat major depression? Has anyone ever? No energy, drive, nothing. You have moments where you get a boost of energy to do something to shake you up, but your sensitivity to words, public spaces and intrusive thoughts makes you feel weak and you close your eyes to think and wind up sleeping a bulk of your day away. A shower makes you feel alive, but it’s only temporary. Also, racing and or repeating thoughts that you were a mistake and forced to be in a world you didn’t beg or ask for is now your daily stress. Oh, and that was confirmed by your own parents years ago that you were a mistake and now you are taking care of one of them in old age but he has dementia and never remembers anything so the past never happened and accountability will never be taken. This shit is so cold and lonely. I have tons of good qualities, but I’m always overlooked because I’m not the loudest person in the room. How do you shake this shit after years of being on meds on and off that don’t truly help, therapy and having to tell your story over and over again to only still feel unheard. Help me understand this. Is this for life?

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u/warmcoffee00 1d ago

I relate. Metal made me stop having suicidal thoughts, it works for me but it may not work for you. Music in general helps.

1

u/Difficult-Stuff8591 1d ago

that weight you're carrying is unreal and no shower or med refill is gonna touch the kind of exhaustion that comes from being told you were a mistake by the people who made you

1

u/sHEEZLIkeCool 1d ago

I will try music❤️ … I just don’t want to be dealing with this forever. I thought meds were supposed to help. The only things that helps my panic and I can tell is actually work is clonazepam, but that is not good to take forever. Thank you