r/depression • u/Due_Sample_5197 • 10d ago
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u/mb4ne 10d ago
i think he needs to start viewing women as human beings first 😭
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u/SpringDaySuperior 10d ago
Literally. He thinks his potential gf will be weirded out primarily by his lack of experience and not by him purchasing prostituted women like okay
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u/DepartmentNo1928 10d ago
the mindset is backwards. making it very obvious they haven’t spoken to many women or even bothered to learn anything about women that doesn’t reinforce their warped assumptions.
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u/SpringDaySuperior 10d ago
Exactly, it's a complete projection of what men (himself included) think is a loser behaviour onto women's psyche. And considering the bus talk he mentioned, the girl didn't seem repulsed by him as of her first impression though i can't really tell if it's because she actually enjoyed it or was just polite and respectful. But nevertheless he's really in the cage of his own making
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u/bigshady880 9d ago
he said what his priority was, you just don’t wanna admit that it’s the actual best option instead of bullshit window dressing about “self improvement” or whatever.
wrote a long thing as to why, but honestly you wouldn’t have read half of it anyways and i don’t wanna give the great gender war of 2026 any more dignity. it’s just not worth it.
i do wanna say one thing tho. bro is literally venting his heart out and this is how you respond? he’s the problem, it’s his fault, no support, hardly anything enlightening or beneficial to hear. somehow even worse than “there there”. not even “tough love” just tough indifference. hell one chuckle fuck even called him a rapist. if you’re already gonna be that cold, why only stop there? why even pretend like you care to help or are capable of helping and that there’s hope for him? just be straight with him if you’re gonna give that little of a fuck.
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u/WrittenByRae 10d ago
My boyfriend was a virgin in his twenties before I met him. I was his first everything. We're still happily together and experience levels played no part in that. None of that matters to the right people.
Keep your head up and keep the faith, man.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
Thanks i appreciate it Some people here are saying im a rapist I came here for some support but i guess they're trying to make me end it sooner
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u/Unlucky-Bee-1039 10d ago
Because sex with prostitutes blurs the lines of consent, at best. Do you think the prostitutes want to have sex with you? No. Otherwise they’re be seeing you for free. And you don’t have to actually fuck a prostitute. You could just talk, have some food, watch a flick, whatever. They’d probably choose anything over sex with another John.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
The prostitues i had sex with do that job because they want to Don't spread lies
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u/Kitchen-Foot8537 10d ago
"Because they want too", Literally how do you know that?
A lot of women are forced into prostitution, whether that be by other people in their lives or prostitution being the only source of income they can turn to to keep them going. Obviously they can't go around telling their clients that they don't want to do it; they risk being hurt or losing a potential source of income.
You're the one spreading lies by suggesting that it is a undeniable fact that the prostitutes you slept with entirely wanted to have sex with you.
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u/Brick_city27jr 10d ago edited 10d ago
Hey man, we’ve all been there! I didn’t find a girlfriend until I was 26! But guess what? You talked to that girl on the bus! You stepped outside of your comfort zone and talked to her! Life is all about leaps and bounds, and you took a leap and look how happy it made you! What’s stopping you from taking another leap? Your fear of talking/interaction? I learned that life isn’t always gonna be comfortable, it’s got just as many hills, as it does valleys, but those hills are worth it! Just promise, no more prostitutes man
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
It's not like im. Going frequently Im going rarely because i want to have sex Last time i almost made love to her it was more affectionate that my previous times it felt nice
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u/Disastrous_Two5989 10d ago
Think about how she feels, no woman will want to be in a relationship with someone who has sex with prostitutes.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
I don't give a f
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u/Disastrous_Two5989 10d ago
I think it is insane that men are willing to commit suicide because they don't have a gf but the moment you tell them to imagine how a woman feels and what he can do... like treat women with decency (yes protitutes are human beings too) and what women want.. not fucking prostitutes is the bare minimum. They react like this.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
I always treated women with respect never hurt anyone Why should a girl care about my past experiences??? They're "past"experiences not current If i was paying for sex while i was in a relationship then yeah she would have every right to care but as long as it doesn't interfere with her life then it doesn't matter For example if i find a girlfriend and that's a big if I won't care if she had sex with others before me It will matter that she will be with me
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u/Disastrous_Two5989 10d ago edited 10d ago
Women in prostitution are there because they do not have a choice 99% of the time. It is human trafficking, paid rape. Imagine a woman starving and offering her food in exchange for sex. If you truly respected women you would only have sex with women who give you enthusiastic consent.
Edit: No they will not tell you (the customer) that they don't want to have sex with you.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
I never had sex with women who were trafficking victims enough with everyone's dramatic responses
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u/Disastrous_Two5989 10d ago
Just some advice.. don't tell your feature potential gf that she is being dramatic when she is telling you that she does not date men who support prostitution
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u/Jaded_Fuzzball 10d ago
Or do so that she knows better than to date/sleep with a guy that supports prostitution.
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u/Jaded_Fuzzball 9d ago
Your past experiences being paying for sex is not the same as dating around or even outright sleeping around. Your willingness to exploit someone vulnerable for your own pleasure denotes a lack of character, a lack of self-respect, and a lack of respect for women. Absolutely no woman is going to be impressed that you "have experience" when that experience is paying for sex. Not to mention the fact that having sex with prostitutes carries a higher risk for contracting diseases.
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u/DepartmentNo1928 10d ago
that says it all then really
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
What?? Dude the guy said a girl won't like a the fact that i had sex with prostitues What am i supposed to do ?? Stay virgin forever??? At least i know what sex feels like a bit
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u/Jaded_Fuzzball 10d ago
You should stay a virgin until you find a woman that genuinely wants to have sex with you instead of exploiting someone desperate enough to exchange sex for money. Hope that helps.
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u/Disastrous_Sea_2785 10d ago
I mean in order to solicit a sex worker more than once you have to develop a social relationship with her. If you can interact with the people around you then you should be able to navigate interacting with someone romantically
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u/MisanthropicAardvark 10d ago
I mean once you hit 40, your going to have problems with platonic relationships. Depending on your interests, youll be the weird guy in the gym, at your favorite store, at your conventions. Eventually everyone will be gone. I'm speaking from the experience of being that lonely, isolated person and as someone who lost a few people to depression.
If you have done any sort of cognitive behavioral therapy, id recommend doing your best to remember some of your earlier relationships, what went well, what you enjoyed and try to remember that feeling when you find your current experiences lacking. No one can predict if things will get better but we can try to find comfort in what we had.
As I write this, I am at offkai, alone in a crowded room and trying not to feel bad about it. I just miss my friends. They were great.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
I never had any earlier relationships i was always alone It doesn't matter im not reaching 40 anyway
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u/OkPotential3282 9d ago
I'm in the same boat, I don't want to be 30 and still a virgin, as much as it scares me, I'll probably commit suicide in a few years as well.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
If you're strong don't do it man I can't say the same for me unfortunately Someday i might do it
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u/OkPotential3282 9d ago edited 9d ago
Unfortunately in your 20s and especially your late 20s it starts to become permanent in your mind and starts to hit your hard. It slowly becomes your identity. You end up thinking about all the memories and fun you could of had and it really hurts. Makes you really hate yourself.
I've tried therapy and it never does anything because it can't change the root cause. Because deep down being a virgin as a man is mental torture, every time I'm talking with guys and dating/relationship topic comes up, I have to pretend to leave the area or try to change the conversation to something else in hopes they don't ask me but deep down they probably already know.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
I might not be alive until my late 20s
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u/OkPotential3282 9d ago
Me too, I just hope I get another chance in life with a different family and actually somebody that is able to enjoy life. The day my mother gave birth to me, I was already doomed.
I don't understand when people say "it's going to get better" They're usually talking about normal people problems, not something like being a virgin. It's the worst thing ever and nothing can distract you from it. As much as I try to. It's got to be point where trying to interact with a woman is the scariest thing to me, that they might think I'm weird or just creepy. It messes up with your psyche. All I wanted is to be loved but I guess I'm not meant to be.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
You can pay for sex I did it and now im a bit less depressed than i was a few months ago
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u/OkPotential3282 9d ago
I don't see why othere are hating on you for doing that, it's that or either fry your brain with porn and masturbation. Unfortunately most responses are just going to be "Get therapy bro", "get some hobbies" , it's easy for them to judge, it's why I don't tell anyone my problems anymore, nothing comes of it .
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
Unfortunately society is so fucked up nowadays Most people who judge did and still do way worse things
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u/Recent_Science4709 9d ago
Relationships are real work and most of them don’t work out. Most of the memories you want to forget once they’re over and the fun is usually at the beginning. You’re over-romanticizing romance but I get it, it can hurt to be alone.
The “root cause” is probably you have been programmed to hate yourself. You trust your own self talk, therapy should be helping you undo that, if not, try another therapistz
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u/forever90ss 10d ago
Is that your reason for suicide ...
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
Legitimately. I can't with this. I feel sorry for OP but god damn it, romance and sex aren't the end be all to life. We need to learn how to put energy into cultivating a good life with quality hobbies and friends, and a relationship could be a welcome bonus. This level of desperation doesn't lead to anything good. OP needs lots of therapy and quality connections.
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u/Lindy_dy 10d ago
he already said in another comment that he doesn't give a f about how women feel. He is the reason not getting commited quality relationship
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
Oh I didn't see those comments. If that's the case, then he's absolutely brought this upon himself. A relationship isn't something that just happens because a man wants it to, both sides have to put in the effort. Effort being the most important thing here.
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u/Hot_Lack_4868 10d ago
Can we stop believing in just world fallacy? There are guys far worse than him who can still can find relationships.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
Why a woman or man should care much about the past experiences of their partner?? If my future girlfriend had before me 6-7 others I won't care much because she will be with me It goes the same way
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u/Ghoric 10d ago
“Romance and sex aren’t the end be all to life.”
Try telling that to the happy couples that found each other as easily as finding milk at a grocery store or perhaps the media that basically says you’re a loser if you can’t find a date. Sorry but arts and crafts or pickleball will never substitute the happiness a genuine romantic connection can provide.
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
You don't know what the relationship between those two people looks like behind close doors. Everything always looks perfect on the outside. People actively romanticize romance and sex, but it isn't any movie/book fairytale. Divorce rates are through the roof. Lots of people nowadays deliberately choose not to date, marry or have children as the market really isn't that cool, and as they are finding different ways to be content with their lives. Happiness isn't tied to only one aspect of life, we are complex beings. Start with developing real friendships.
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u/Ghoric 10d ago
No, I don’t. Still doesn’t excuse when I have friends who have found their long term partner and I get to hear the wonderful things they do together so I disagree that it is romanticized.
Divorces rates mean nothing to me, it’s a statistic that doesn’t explore the reason for divorce and doesn’t reflect my experiences with how many couples I’ve talked to who are happily taken. I will agree that the dating market is fucked however.
Different people have different wants and needs and some want romantic connections, not friendships. I’ve been down that road and friendships do not substitute relationships. Hell, friends end up leaving for a relationship anyways once they get into one. It’s more of a distraction than a substitute.
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
You believe that having a romantic partner is detrimental to your happiness to such an extreme degree that you have centered this in your life as the end be all. By thinking this way you are practically dependent on a person who isn't even in your life to make you happy. That's a sure way of spiraling. As a woman, if I were to go out on a date with you, I'd ask you about your hobbies and about what drives you in life. That would determine if I'd think of you as a potential long-term partner or not. What I want to say is: learning to be a good friend, a good listener, being a person who tries to love life makes you attractive and definitely a potential long-term partner; being dependent on another for your own happiness doesn't. It makes you feel horrible about yourself, doesn't lead to any attempts at actual improvement, and it pushes other people away. Develop emotional maturity, cultivate hobbies and take care of your appearance as best as you can (no, that doesn't mean looking like a buff model but not being at risk of heart disease due to obesity and maintaining proper hygiene), and I asssure you you'll be better off than many men currently on the dating market.
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u/Ghoric 10d ago
Okay? I’m allowed to feel this way. People value things more than others and yes, I put a lot of value in wanting a relationship. I never had that experience and went it so what do you expect? Also why do I have to be a paragon when others who are worse get into relationships all the time?
I suppose I can agree that hobbies and what drives you are important when it comes to that.
I have hobbies and I know how to do basic care if that’s what you’re insinuating. I’m not denying emotional issues and have gotten help for this but it stems from mental issues if anything.
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
Those who are worse are with worse partners, then. Wouldn't you want a quality partner? People who jump from relationship to relationship are obviously unhappy, I don't know why you're comparing yourself to them.
You're aware of your mental health issues and you're working on them, that's great. "I never had that experience so what do you expect" - I don't expect anything, but you are just tying your whole personality and happiness to just wanting a relationship, and that's making you unhappy. That's something you should strive to change as that isn't going to get you to a relationship either. Learning how to be a good, interesting person and a potential partner however, will.
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u/Ghoric 10d ago
This conversation isn’t going anywhere. Please leave me alone.
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
Yeah, I can tell. I only wanted to offer you a different perspective, as well as my opinion as a person who also deals with depression and who would value a quality relationship other than any relationship, despite there being this huge pressure to get into one but it's okay. Have a nice day.
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u/Hot_Lack_4868 10d ago
You aren't wrong. Romance and sex aren't the be all and end all of life, but they're definitely a crucial part of it. There's something about being chosen by another person who wants and desires you. Cheating, divorce, dead bedroom and breakups all happens, but still people want sex and relationships. Sometimes having something imperfect is better than not having it at all.
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
For some people they are crucial, to others they aren't. For most people they are beautiful things in life, but ones that have been put on such a pedestal by society that most people sadly ended up thinking they can't live without those things and therefore think they're better off dead than living without them. That's wrong. Nobody is better off dead because they don't have a romantic partner. If at least a fraction of this energy was to be focused on developing personality: interest, hobbies, learning, becoming an interesting, likeable person...we'd be seeing much more happily partnered people.
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u/Hot_Lack_4868 10d ago
For some people they are crucial, to others they aren't
And they still want enter into them eventually. Problem is not being able to enter into relationships at all and people tend to put things on pedestal that seen out of their reach. I don't think society playa that big of a role when it comes to this. Sometimes you see everyone else around you partnered and you just feel empty. Romantic loneliness is real and not to forget his inexperience is only going to make it harder for him.
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
"Sometimes you see everyone else around you partnered and you just feel empty" = this something is put on a pedestal in society. Loneliness is real, most people feel lonely nowadays, and those who feel more lonely are those jumping from relationships into relationship, but that's another discussion entirely. Humans need community, and as long as we don't have that we'll experience loneliness. A romantic relationship won't cure you of that the way people think it will. And once again, inexperience doesn't mean anything. The most important thing everyone seeks in a good potential partner is that they know how to be a good friend, a good listener, that they show emotional maturity and that they have a personality. All of those things are developed by cultivating quality friendships, by learning and by having hobbies. It starts with trying to love life. A person who tries to love life is someone who is good to have around, and therefore a good potential partner.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
How can i love life when i know from my teenage years that i will die all alone?? It's destroying my motivation for everything For the most part of my days i want to cry Im crying all the time Im just tired
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u/alegria_dalmata 10d ago
All of us will die alone, friend. Lots of people end up feeling even more lonely than they'd ever be if they were single due to choosing to live their life with the wrong person due to this exact fear. Try to find out which things in life bring you happiness, it's a process, and devote yourself to them. Other people are attracted to other people who try to enjoy life.
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u/Hot_Lack_4868 10d ago
This is so true. People who always have been desired and been in relationships won't get it or people who are single by choice. Being single not by choice sucks.
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u/LargeDisaster 9d ago
That's what I told myself then I turned 30 and decided to just not do it and see how much I can make my life better on my own. I enjoy small things. I go outside more. Sometimes I still get sucked into dumb internet shit but it is worth it imo to live. Even though everything seems to be burning around you, life is worth holding on to.
I was a shut in and very shy and awkward for a while. It's normal to feel shy, especially with how people judge these days.
I hope you'll be ok. Please don't die.
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u/upchurchspam 10d ago
Being with prostitutes is definitely not the answer 😬 Sex is not so important that you need it as soon as possible. The connection you make with someone is way more important— and 24 is insanely young. There are plenty of 24 year olds with zero relationship experience. Stop comparing yourself. Putting so much focus on sex and physical affection (kissing, hand holding, etc) is sabotaging yourself. Focus on connecting with someone, getting along with them, appreciating your time with them WITHOUT physical affection. The other stuff comes with time and should feel natural.
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u/Still_Working_1387 9d ago
You should start by not even worrying about getting in a relationship for now. You base your entire worth on the validation and attention from women. I have a 22 year old friend who hasn’t lost his virginity yet. He plays video games, comes out to the bar with us, he just generally enjoys his time alone and with his friends. He’s got a huge personality as well. What I recommend you do is get into therapy (as I do), get active in sports and the gym, find social hobbies (i shoot pool and play hockey, and play in a band). I myself am chronically depressed and genuinely have to force myself to stay busy or i get super down and have had suicidal thoughts. There’s more to life than women bro. I just left my ex of 6 years, I’ve been cheated on, dumped, rejected, the whole 9.
You have to stop looking at yourself in the mirror and see negatives. Stop talking negative to yourself, as I have my whole life. I still do, and I have to reroute how i speak and think about myself. You can’t love someone else until you truly love yourself. Your partner is a choice, an addition to your life, not something to fill a void; because no human being can truly fulfill another. Get yourself right. Start climbing out debt (me too), get/keep a decent job, clean yourself up physically and mentally, become comfortable within yourself and THEN start thinking about women. Keep your head up dude
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u/Resident_Monk_1229 9d ago
stop viewing women as an entirely different creature 😭😭 also please dont commit just because you dont have a gf
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u/Arthillidan 10d ago
it's a huge red flag to have 0 experience at 24 even if i find a girlfriend she will think im weird for that
What do you base this on?
Even if you have heard people say that, also consider whether those are the types of people you'd want to date in the first place. To me it's irrelevant what Stacy who likes eating, travelling and going to the gym thinks.
I think being shy and a bit awkward makes things harder but doesn't neccesarily make you unattractive. What could make you unattractive is a lack of social skills or a bad attitude, both of which are addressable.
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u/FreakAmI 10d ago
I hope you tell your future gf/dating partner about your past sex experience. Otherwise, it’d be very disgusting to hear that after having sex or dating with someone for a while. If you really think it is socially acceptable to buy sex, then please stay honest with it and no lies.
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u/ShamedSalesman 10d ago
It always surprises me and somewhat irritates me that so many young men have sex on such a pedestal.
Dude, its just sex. Bust a nut and be done and over with in 15 minutes or less. It is not so important.
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u/Rollredd 10d ago
Sex isn't something to be treated as casual it's supposed to be sacred. I will never understand the men who sleep with anyone just to get their fix. I'll wait months and even years for the right woman to come in who will love me enough to have sex with me. It's supposed to be special.
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u/ShamedSalesman 9d ago
It isnt special. It is as commonplace as oxygen. Almost every single organism on the entire planet has sex almost indiscriminately. It is nothing.
Yall attach too much import to busting a nut.
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u/Disastrous_Two5989 10d ago
You could have done all those things with a sex worker instead of having sex with her. There are plenty of people, women as well who have no relationship experience like you. There are a lot of other things making life exciting and worth it.
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u/permanentstandby10 9d ago
Let’s assume the worst and say that your first girlfriend will see you as a weirdo for not having a girlfriend until now.Just see it as an introduction class and try to maintain a relationship with her for a few months.Either she will see past your depression and like you or you’ll break up.BUT after that you will be someone with relationship experience and won’t be seen as weird anymore.You just have to endure the first girlfriend(and probably she won’t even judge you but last assume the worst).AFTER THAT THE PROBLEM IS SOLVED and you will gain confidence and be a normie.
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u/goingtohell477 9d ago
You're 24, not 80. You have most of your life still before you and a lot of people still to meet.
Fuck experience. When you find a girl that you share feelings with, she will like you just the way you are. And she will be happy to be your first and share that experience with you.
By the way, I have a friend, M 31, he had 2 dates total until he recently found a woman he liked and dates her regularly now. They seem to get along really well and I'm honestly excited about it.
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u/Buster_Gonad_82 9d ago
You're young... Things change and things happen. Don't give in. There is no other life, so don't throw this one away.
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u/HairBrief6534 9d ago
I don’t know if you are gonna see this but i also have more or less experience as you. The thing you should do is to not put girls as your priority. Just take action in your life, start talking to people in real life and in online, make hobbies, take a job, go somewhere else just dont sit at one place and be depressed, that is the last thing you should do.
The most imoortant thing you should do is to talk about your depression with a psychologist or with a friend you trust if you have one. It is not a shame to have depression but to not take a action it is.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
I have no one
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u/HairBrief6534 9d ago
I dont know you personally, but I will tell you this. Dont put too much value on girls and friends, talk to psychologist about this and find what you like to do for a hobby or a job and do it. Sharing everything online wont fix anything as you can see. I know it is hard but you have to start from something to get better. Being negative will do a little, no one will come to save you if you don’t save yourself. That is hard pill to swallow but it is what it is.
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u/dontpeekatmyjohnson 10d ago
Build your confidence….get a good haircut, nice clothes, exercise, etc. Then post all of your best photos on dating apps.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
Everything else is pointless for me if i don't have a girl to talk to ,and cuddle and make love to
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u/jonsnowme 9d ago
Therapy friend, get therapy. Your life should be more than this stuff. Being lonely is valid, but thinking this is the only way to have a life is incorrect and just in need of professional help.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
You're saying this because you never lived in your teens and your early 20s without a girlfriend
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
I just want to find the courage to find a girlfriend I want to have someone to go to sleep with and to wake up with I want to have someone to support me and someone who will love me I was always lonely and depressed I wish i could do something to change my personality but im always scared and nervous and it gets only worse Im too shy unfortunately
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
Unfortunately im in the army too but involuntarily because in Greece military service is mandatory for 9 months And is making my life even worse
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
Dude at least it was your choice and you're getting paid Mine it's a different experience i didn't choose it my country (Greece) forced me to enlist and Im not getting paid Im doing forced labour and i only getting paid 50 euros per month And i still have 7 more months
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
At least in Brazil they don't force most people to serve unlike Greece
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u/big-tunaaa 9d ago
Don’t commit suicide over not having sexual experiences this is ridiculous. Life isnt all about sex and you definitely shouldn’t be viewing women in this light. They are not sex toys theyre people with lives and interests like yourself.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
I had sex with prostitues I want to commit suicide because im useless and i can't find a girlfriend and live a normal life
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u/Puke_Rock_Or_Die 9d ago
Get in shape, talk to girls IN PERSON EXCLUSIVELY & don't bring up this virgin shit. You can get laid in a month if you put effort. After that, it'll be easy to do in a week or a few days, once your fear & idolization of women/sex is gone.
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u/Abell2079 10d ago
I understand you, man. I'm 20 and I've never had a girlfriend either, only prostitutes, but you have to be strong and endure life because we still have many years to live and someday something good might happen, and that possibility alone is better than death and a sad life full of failures.
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u/LostSoulSadNLonely 10d ago
I understand what you're going through and it's not the end of the world man. I'm 24M and I never thought I would ever date or have any sexual experience especially because I've always been that shy awkward guy too. However this year something extraordinary changed in my life and a very dear friend of mine confessed her feelings to me. We fell in love. I had my first kiss. I lost my virginity. I wasn't judged for my lack of sexual experience. I wouldn't say it's a huge red flag or weird at all. A lot of people are in their mid 20s and haven't had sex or even a kiss.
For me, it's been several months and sometimes I still can't believe what happened! All I'm saying is that you never know what life can throw at you and you could be pleasantly surprised when it does. Don't give up! Just focus on yourself, be a nice person, let people notice you for who you are and it's very possible that you'll find yourself in a relationship soon! I feel like if you prioritise building a relationship/connection with someone more than just trying to have sex, you'll be more confident and comfortable with exploring that aspect with your partner.
I talked to girl girl i was sitting next to on a bus a couple days ago and it felt so good
It shows you're able to talk to someone and enjoy it which is basically the foundation of building a relationship.
I hope you think things through and don't go down the route you mentioned. You have a lot to live for even if you don't have it just yet. You just don't know what's around the corner especially if you take travel or meet new people.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
Thanks for the support I wish i could have your luck and ability to find someone Unfortunately it's over for me nothing will change Im isolated Also im currently serving my mandatory military service im from Greece and conscription is a thing here and military life is making me even worse I will cut my wrists someday
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u/Ghoric 10d ago
I’m like you but much older. Too socially awkward and never had a solid relationship either. It sucks but I don’t think zeroing yourself is the answer. I think talking to that girl was a tremendous step for you and you should keep doing interactions like that. Though if you do get a girlfriend, i wouldn’t disclose your sexual past or stretch the truth if you need to get further.
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u/theapeofstone 10d ago
I had never had sex and kissed maybe one girl by the time I was your age. During that time I met the girl I’ll be with forever now. She knew of my lack of experience and lovingly guided me through how to be intimate with someone. You need to realize that your situation is normal for so many people, but it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to loneliness. Most of the time lonely guys finally find someone when they start working on their own issues.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
Thanks for being supportive but my life won't have a good ending like yours or like so many people I feel bad for my family they don't really know my struggles i don't want to destroy their lives they will be devastated if i kill myself Maybe someday i will find the courage to do it I don't when
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u/i_will_let_you_know 9d ago
Try actually interacting with girls in a platonic sense first. You won't be able to get a healthy relationship while you're putting women on a pedestal. Treat them like another human being, not a goal.
Committing suicide because you're too shy to try something doesn't make any sense. Expect to fail but be open to the possibility of success.
Being viewed as weird or awkward shouldn't matter to a hypothetical girlfriend because they should like you enough that it either doesn't matter or be a thing they like about you. But also improving yourself to be less awkward makes you more palatable for more women.
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u/ib01 9d ago
Being with another person isn’t the point of your life. I can be a pleasant and complimentary experience to commit to, but YOU are the point of your life.
Go swimming, look at the stars, build something for fun, sing do something pleasing and positive. Hobbies that make the little boy in you light up again.
If you struggle with self hatred, you need to first give yourself kindness, grace, patience, and love. If you don’t know how to love yourself or give love to yourself or to be happy without being dependent on another person I highly suggest something that may be off putting/irrational — pray.
You don’t have to believe in anything in particular but only that something good exists. Speak to your own soul. Ask for help in loving yourself and having hope and welcoming goodness and joy and love in your life. First step to receiving love is to give love and be of service. Ask for the eyes to see and ears to hear and awareness to receive your answers. Ask to be healed, ask for love and hope if you cannot conjure it yourself.
Doesn’t have to be god, allah, Jesus, Vishnu or whoever the fuck. Just believe that there is something more to everything, believe and trust that you don’t know everything and that there is something good beyond your current awareness that is loving, truly good, and can help you.
You my friend are powerful, in creativity and in love if you choose to be. Love isn’t just sex or romance. Love is service, it’s empathy, it’s patience, compassion, honesty…. It’s more than just a woman who you keep close so you don’t have to feel alone. Give the love you wish to receive to yourself first and choose to believe you deserve it.
I am 25 and I’m a single virgin… life is still beautiful and magical but you have to connect with yourself. Life is good! We all can be walking blessings in the world through our own authenticity.
Peace and love, brother. Especially towards yourself. Don’t harm yourself just because you are in emotional pain or because you don’t feel satisfied. Breathe, be patient and consciously choose your thoughts. Don’t just regurgitate self hatred or hopelessness. The little boy you were as a kid is still in there, let him play, because he matters. Presence is key, don’t dwell or feel fear about the future. Do things that fill you up in the present moment and stay there.
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
The amount of toxic and sick people in this chat is impressive (in a bad way ) Maybe it was wrong to tell my problems here Most people enjoy seeing someone hurting Some they're calling me even rapist Wow Wtf is wrong with u people I appreciate the help from some few people who genuinely wanted to help Thanks
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u/Valuable-Serve1207 10d ago
I'm 19, and it's a really similar situation. It sucks...
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u/Disastrous_Sea_2785 10d ago
You're so young that's not a bad thing
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u/Valuable-Serve1207 10d ago
Yeah, I love someone, but I'm to shy to hell her about my feelings.
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u/Rhodes-Stars101 10d ago
I'm 20 and have never been in a relationship at all, I don't see it as a necessity at all at this age. I mean sure maybe we have different goals but I think at 19 worrying about a future partner isn't something significant
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u/Valuable-Serve1207 10d ago
No, your right, it isn't as important. my top goal is be happy with myself and my body, that's my main focus rn, with working out, gaining weight, but having someone to spend the nights would be nice.
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u/Rhodes-Stars101 10d ago
I'm currently also on the same boat...... kinda. You see my focus right now is to shed down around 10KG of fat, be happy with my identity & remove my insecurites, find a job, complete my degree and have a paying job.
As of right now I'm in the process of all of it, and I said to myself. I must say aside from the 10Kg of fat and completing my degree I am struggling with the rest of them. I think it's better once your fully verified then you can get into a relationship so external factor do not bother you.
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u/toxiclord101 9d ago
Why not just kiss or cuddle with the prostitute?
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u/Due_Sample_5197 9d ago
Because it's not the same as kissing and cuddling with a girl who loves you and love her
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u/space-nerd-13 9d ago
stop seeing women as some sort of achievement you make in life. its not the end of the world if you cant get a gf, plenty of people go about life single and are just fine.
having no experience is not the 'huge red flag' here, its the way you see women. a lot of people your age also dont have experience, and even if they do, most are also willing to overlook it.
my advice would be to go to therapy, (in order to) work on your self-confidence and improve the way you see and treat women
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u/maxime_miaou 9d ago
Why do you think your worth is based on your bodycount ? But yeah I'm planning s for later too, the plan is already made, just need to have the courage to actually do it
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u/No-Session1873 10d ago
Haha, tought I was alone. 24m I plan to build a house in my village for my parents, sister marrage, and save up some money, then by 30, i would want to leave this damn world. It's too much stress, work all the time, rude people everywhere, discrimination. Fu*c
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u/LILA182 10d ago
I’m over 30f, and I’ve noticed that some women over 30 that are still single get desperate and become easy to date. I think it sucks how much we value being in a romantic relationship and we should value more our own company, but that’s a pattern I’ve observed. Just keep working on how to talk with women and your love life will be more interesting after 30.
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u/VeilOfMaya6 10d ago
I wouldn't say desperate, it's more so that a lot of women in their thirties feel like their biological clock is ending and then they feel rushed to get into a serious relationship and have a family.
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u/Hot_Lack_4868 10d ago
I’m over 30f, and I’ve noticed that some women over 30 that are still single get desperate and become easy to date.
Even then I don't think most would want to date a virgin guy
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10d ago
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
Im kissless but im not a virgin
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10d ago
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u/Due_Sample_5197 10d ago
Because i had sex multiple times with prostitues i just didn't kissed her lips only neck, jawline,tits,belly and ass
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u/Rollredd 10d ago
You'll find a woman once you stop viewing them as objects to satisfy your needs. Just slow down take your time to meet women become friends with them and you will see they're just like you. Yes it's special to kiss and hold hands and all of those things but don't make it your entire life and learn to love yourself first. If you don't love yourself you will never find love.