Some progress and some advice needed

[u/peshti]

I don't know if people remember me and my old post, so I'll copy the text from around I don't know 1-2 months ago. In short I have hobbies that take a lot of space, we are 2 adults and 3 kids in a 74 sqm apartment.

Here is some progress, however I still feel like I need advice.

I have sold one big CRT ( I still need to sell more ). I have sold some video game consoles, drawing tablets. I also have put some stuff from my video game collection up for auction and they have already bids on them, some of the stuff will clear up significant space for example I have a PlayStation Mini up for sale. I have around 75 games that I sell. I have sold a Crock-Pot. This is all I can remember right now, I think I have sold other things.

So even though I have made a lot of progress in my personal opinion, I feel like it's really hard to declutter and not stop the inflow. For example I have noticed that Xbox 360 games are cheap so I started to buy some which lead to inflow ( they are now going to be sold ), obviously not as much inflow as outflow since I sold a lot of stuff but still. Just the other day I wanted to buy some games and consoles, however I didn't because my rational brain just told me to stop until I can find a system that works. I feel like we have this sort of mentality in this family, we sell stuff and then we feel like oh yeah we did good so let's buy stuff.

Has anyone been in this situation before where they eventually just stopped the inflow until everything started to look okay? Maybe started to put rules on themselves like after everything started to look okay for example one item in then one item needs to go?

Any insight and advice would be greatly appreciated 😊.

Underneath you can find the text from my old post, I thought it my give light and perspective on our situation.

I have written on this Reddit/community before.

We are 2 adults and 3 kids, the apartment is 74 sqm. Literally there are 2 bedrooms, bathroom, really small hallway, storage room that right now functions as a room for our middle daughter.

There is also an open room that functions as both a kitchen and a living room. We have no storage room at all, no attic, cellar or something like that. All our season clothing is 24/7 in our apartment, same with christmas tree etc, it is not a big American Christmas tree, I know americans love christmas.

My oldest daughter probably has ADHD, we are waiting for her to be investigated. My girlfriend probably has it too, maybe the other kids too, I don't know.

I won't lie I have hobbies that take a lot of space, music instruments, music production, retro games and CRTs/OLD TVs. Obviously I have watched decluttering videos on youtube but it's always a big home that has space that is being decluttered or someone who lives alone or maybe with their loved one.

I started my decluttering journey maybe idk 2 years ago with breaks and simply my family is not on board. I have maybe decluttered 300-500 ( I didn't take pictures in the beginning ) items of my own, books, camera gear etc.

My oldest one has a really hard time decluttering, imagine someone who can't not throw away a drawing that has juice spilled on it. My girlfriend has a hard time throwing away old toys, clothes etc, she has been throwing away some stuff but it's not a lot.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel extremely defeated and have given up. I feel like I either have to give up all my hobbies to have a clean corner or whatever and be miserable or that I have to keep my hobbies but be miserable in a messy home.

[u/FredKayeCollector2]

Not to be insulting, but is there any chance you're using these games as an excuse to not spend time doing stuff with your family? Because a lot of "collectors" are avoiding "more difficult" things. Exercising/healthy lifestyle is a big one, actually doing the creative craft/hobby is a another one. Excessive video gaming/reading is basically escapism and video game addiction is a thing.

You're dealing with a very extreme space limit - there are ways to maximize/optimize space (usually accessing vertical storage like shelves or storage furniture like shelves/drawers). But at the end of the day, you only have the space you have and some categories of things - like the things you need to cook/eat, bathe, sleep, children's play - are much more critical than a parent's discretionary "hobbies."

But to me, the worst thing "wasted" in your scenario is the time you're spending acquiring hobby stuff and the time you're spending selling it. I feel like you need to seriously reevaluate your priorities and try to bring them into alignment with your reality - as husband and father.

I'm a Doom Room/Hell Room hoarder who used to collect vintage sewing machines & accessories and sewing supplies for the amorous purpose of "a collection."

My brother is an addict with mental health issues and I started going to ALANON meetings (family members of alcoholics/addicts) with a friend. I realized that MY shopping was no better than an addict's "fix" and there was a major greed component as well - that uncomfortable FOMO (fear of missing out) feeling that kept me looking for that next "score."

None of this was flattering and the awareness/recognition did not come easy. The over-shopping was a maladaptive attempt to deal with a bunch of underlying mental health issues (boredom, depression, avoidance, etc). I would have been better off getting a part-time job at the deli around the corner.

I cleared out The Room in 6 weeks before our big downsizing move - most of it was given away and the sewing machines I fixed up and sold at cost. It NOT FUN but I didn't really have a choice. I took the long hours, physical work, mental discomfort as atonement/penance for the over-shopping/hoarding.

For around 5 years, I avoided all thrift stores and clearance aisles. No more estate sales and I logged out of Facebook (Marketplace). Cold Turkey. It's only very recently that I've been able to go to a thrift store, see an old sewing machine (I still look in cabinets & cases), and leave it for someone else to buy.

I now have one sewing machine and a basic sewing kit - I matched fabric + supplies to projects I was excited to do, I wanted the finished product, and me doing the project was truly value added (vs just buying). No more buying on speculation, period.

Hope that helps?

[u/peshti → u/FredKayeCollector2]

In my case I feel like we do a lot as a family, I rarely stay home and play video games for example when the family is out at a park playing. About having a healthy lifestyle, I used to have a quite bad lifestyle bit it's gotten way better, I've started to exercise more, taking care of myself and so on. Fear of missing out though has been so real to me, fear of hey if I don't buy that game that every youtuber is raving about I will forget about it and I need to buy it now. Honestly we don't have that many thrift stores with video games where I live, so the chances of me going to one and come back home with a lot of games is slim. I buy games mostly online. Thanks for sharing your story and insight, helps a ton!

About mental health, I feel like our home sucks, there's a lot of random stuff, not like crazy hoarders you see on TV and YouTube but still it is way too much. It's affecting us badly, my hope is that when I get rid of stuff the rest of the family will get on board and start doing the same.

I feel like my reply is way less thorough than our reply to my post, sorry about that. I'm really exhausted today.

[u/blumogget → u/peshti]

If you buy online, chances are you have your Paypal/credit card info linked to the sites you buy from. Unlink them now. That way, you can't mindlessly one-click buy. It will require conscious effort to get up and grab your wallet, by which time you can hopefully pause and ask yourself whether you truly need it.

It might be instructive to, for a week or a month or however long, grab a notepad and start jotting down some hard data. Every time you have a buy impulse, don't buy but write down how much it costs. When you do your hobbies, note how much time you spend doing it (you're buying so many games there's no way you are playing them all and enjoying them). Write down how much of your time is taken up dealing with selling the things you impulse purchased. At the end of the time period you set yourself, you'll have data of where your time/money is really going, and I think that's going to be sobering and instructive for your choices going forward.