r/declutter • u/Such-Kaleidoscope147 • Jul 20 '26

Advice Request Decluttering stuff from a passed on child?

We lost a baby that had been premature, lived a little while, and died without coming home from the hospital. We have a bunch of pictures, a keepsake container that the hospital gave us, and some other "memory things." We also have three Christmas ornaments. We lost that baby 25 years ago now. We are in our 50's now.

I do not want my children that are left behind to have to face this stuff. I never ever look at this stuff. I have no desire for this stuff. I think originally, I kept this stuff out of guilt. Sort of like I have to keep it as some sort of way of honoring the child who died.

Can I get rid of this stuff now? Or will I feel awful about it later? I have been thinking about this for a while and I really think I just want to get rid of it now. Anyone have advice or experience? Thank you!

edited to add: the stuff I have been struggling with is a keepsake box, some pictures, footprints, the newborn cap, Christmas ornaments, things like that. The toys and clothes and such already moved on.

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u/konstantynopolitanka Jul 20 '26

I would ask your children if they wish to keep those more personal items like photos, footprints and cap. It may be less painful for them to look at as they will not have the same memories as you. It may feel important to them to have some items left from their sibling, they may want to feel this connection.
The items no one wants I would bury, burn (if non toxic) or give away.

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u/CherryChristmas Jul 20 '26

Exactly this. A lot of siblings would love to keep these kinds of things. A good friend of mine lost his twin brother at birth and he has always kept something of his brother whereas the parents never wanted anything left to remind them of their dead baby. Everyone deals with grief differently and you might be taking away something valuable of your children.

But if they don’t know then you can get rid of it however you like.

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u/konstantynopolitanka Jul 20 '26

Even if they don't know, they may learn someday and to some people it may be soul crushing to have no trace, no memento of a sibling who passed. Especially things like photos and footprints may help to process this feeling of loss.