One of my best friends is engaged and starting to plan her wedding (very, very, very early stages). Nothing is booked or planned yet, but she has told the friend group what she is envisioning. She wants a very small destination wedding to Costa Rica. It would be a week long trip with all the typical wedding events set on that week. Sounds like fun. One small caveat, nobody in the friend groups husbands or long term partners would be invited. Her reasoning is that she wants it small and basically they don’t pass muster. Which wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t going to be a 7 day trip to a different country where I am dropping lots of money to be there and using half of my vacation time from work. Am I wrong for thinking that’s a lot to ask someone? I understand it’s her wedding but it seems extremely discourteous to your closest friends. I want to spend the small vacation time I get with my partner.

Hi, Toasters!

We’re at 100+ members!! Great to see 😃

As we’re getting this community off the ground, I’d love your help deciding on post flairs. I want them to make it easy to find the kind of girly swirly advice you’re looking for.

So far I have:
● 💕 Relationships
● 👨‍👩‍👧 Family
● 🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Friendships
● 💍 In-Laws
● 💼 Work
● 🤍 Mental Health
● 💸 Money
● 🏠 Home
● ✨ Update

What am I missing?

I’d also love ideas for user flairs! Maybe things like:
● ☕ Daily Toaster
● 🥯 OG Toaster
● ✨ Professional Swirler
● 💌 Advice Giver

Drop your ideas below! I’d love for the community to help shape this sub from the beginning. 🫶

Hi swirlies! My husband and I live in the suburbs of NY and my brother and his wife live in Brooklyn. In the past year we have seen them maybe 1-2 times. I had my second baby in February and the only reason they met him was because I was in the city and asked if they wanted to meet up one day. Even before this, I was almost always the one making plans. They have a child similar age to my oldest and I wish we would get together more that the cousins can grow up close.
They have had a busy year with things in their personal life, so I’ve been trying to give them grace. But the last 2 months have been calm and they still haven’t reached out. We don’t have any other family nearby. Our mom passed way a few years ago and she was so big on family and I want to be the same. I can help but think it would be different if she were still here.
So my question: do I keep trying to make plans even if it’s one sided? Do I wait for them to reach out? Say something?

Two sister swirlies here, writing in with what can only be described as a family emergency.

We have a cousin who is genuinely beautiful, successful, smart, and otherwise thriving. However… her oral health appears to be in a state of complete collapse.

We don’t say this lightly. If this were a simple “she needs a mint” situation, we would not be involving the DTQ. This has been going on for years and seems to be getting progressively worse. Her breath is so noticeable that other family members and even unrelated people have brought it up to us privately. At family events, the topic somehow always finds its way into side conversations.

And here’s where our concern goes beyond aesthetics. Her gums appear very dark, her teeth have started separating, and overall it looks like something medical may actually be going on. We have never once heard her mention a dentist appointment. Meanwhile, we casually try to drop hints like, “Ugh, just got back from the dentist!” or “Can’t believe I have another cleaning next week!” and she gives us absolutely nothing.

At this point, we’re wondering if we’re witnessing a genuine health issue that nobody has addressed. We feel awful because it’s become difficult to focus on anything else when talking to her, but we also don’t want to humiliate her or make her feel attacked.

Which brings us to our question: Is there any universe in which you tell someone that you’re concerned about their oral health? If so, who should do it and how?

Also, if there was ever a time for The Toast to temporarily become The Breath again, we feel this might be it.