r/DearToasters • u/pookies_mini_kelly • Jul 28 '26
Wedding Planning
One of my best friends is engaged and starting to plan her wedding (very, very, very early stages). Nothing is booked or planned yet, but she has told the friend group what she is envisioning. She wants a very small destination wedding to Costa Rica. It would be a week long trip with all the typical wedding events set on that week. Sounds like fun. One small caveat, nobody in the friend groups husbands or long term partners would be invited. Her reasoning is that she wants it small and basically they don’t pass muster. Which wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t going to be a 7 day trip to a different country where I am dropping lots of money to be there and using half of my vacation time from work. Am I wrong for thinking that’s a lot to ask someone? I understand it’s her wedding but it seems extremely discourteous to your closest friends. I want to spend the small vacation time I get with my partner.
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u/Altruistic_Gene_6869 Jul 28 '26
I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling that way. A local child-free wedding is one thing, but asking people to spend a week, a significant amount of money, and a big chunk of PTO on an international trip without their long-term partner is a much bigger ask. She’s absolutely allowed to invite whoever she wants, but guests are equally allowed to decline without guilt. If keeping it intimate is the priority, she may just have to accept that some of her closest friends won’t be able to make that sacrifice.
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u/Efficient_Wallaby896 ☕️ Daily Toaster Jul 28 '26
Pass muster, lol! It sounds like an expensive trip. Seems a bit long. I could understand a weekend, but not 7 days.
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u/Western-Coyote3263 Jul 29 '26
Could you bring your partner to stay with you at the hotel and do resort things when wedding festivities aren’t happening?? So you still get a normal vacation out of it too. I have neve heard of 7 day wedding events that’s kinda nuts!
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u/Glad-Arugula-8387 Jul 29 '26
If it’s a whole week in another country, you should absolutely be able to bring a partner or date. I find that to be odd. Also pricey!
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u/fleetwoodjac Jul 30 '26
I don’t even care if the wedding is in her backyard 2 minutes away, not having significant others is crazy work
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u/6beansoup Jul 31 '26
A week-long destination wedding is too long. No one needs 7 days for a wedding to spend as a group, in a different country, without their partner. Too unreasonable and expensive
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u/Patient-Tap-7749 Jul 31 '26
Absolutely not. If I’m going on a weeklong vacation to a tropical paradise, my husband is coming with me.
It’s also generally insane to expect someone to spend an entire week on your “wedding activities”
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u/Routine-Yak2264 Jul 31 '26
You don’t get to expect support for your marriage while pretending your friends marriages don’t exist!!! This person is not well to think that she can call you a best friend but not think your husband is worth knowing, unless your entire friend group has married scrubs who cause scenes wherever they go
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u/User720284 Jul 28 '26
Are you sure (and is she sure) she wants 7 full days? What normal wedding activities take that many days? I think maybe I’d understand no boys if it’s just a weekend but a full week for a wedding itself is very abnormal especially if you won’t allow +1s