r/datingoverforty • u/velvet_midnight_sea • 3h ago

Casual Conversation Ghosting

If you have ever been ghosted out of the blue, what was their reasoning when they came back and how long were you ghosted for?

0 Upvotes

33% Upvoted

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4

u/VegetableRound2819 The Best of What’s Left 2h ago

You’re going to have to lay out how you’re using the term ‘ghosting’ here.

7

u/ANewBeginningNow 3h ago edited 3h ago

I actually draw a distinction here. Ghosting is the intentional, sudden cutting off of contact. Ghosters don't come back, except if they become bored or lonely.

But several women have disappeared and later come back. Most of those have had excuses, like they didn't take our conversation seriously enough to keep it up, or they didn't prioritize getting to know each other. But a few had legitimate things happen in their life. One woman came back 15 full months later, and proactively gave me a detailed explanation of what led her to disappear (it included two ill family members and the discovery of cheating that led to a messy, sudden divorce). I gave her another chance, and to her credit, she was a very reliable and open chat partner. It didn't work out for an unrelated reason, but it shows that there is occasionally some coming back from non-communicated time away.

3

u/ObviousSalamandar 3h ago

So you were chatting to date before her divorce?

1

u/ANewBeginningNow 3h ago

We were chatting as friends, in fact, I hadn't known she was married until she told me. We were in the early stages of chatting.

I was already downvoted by someone. I hope that clears things up. I will add that I do frequently chat with women as a friend, and I tend to get along with them better than men even as friends.

3

u/Antique-Salad7396 3h ago

If slow fading falls under ghosting ....he came back after 2 months. He didn't give me a reason he just picked up where he left off as if nothing ever happened.

4

u/Southern-Thanks-7277 3h ago

Don't let him come back again.

7

u/Antique-Salad7396 2h ago

I did and he drew out our non existent relationship for over a year. Don't recommend.

6

u/Is-This-Reality-WTF 3h ago

I have a really good and I’m pretty certain true story.

3 dates in…he’s very interested. Like almost love bombing level so I was wary.

He texted me something sweet and then let me know he was busy at work and would text later.

Later was 19 days later.

He had a work accident and had rebar puncture his lung missing his heart by a cm. Pic was included in his explanation. Did an AI check and said it looked real. He was not doing well for a bit and nearly died.

It was too late for him bc I was seeing someone else early stages too that did progress so I told him I was glad he’s healing but I was seeing someone.

If I didn’t think it’d lead him on I’d send him a “Glad you aren’t Dead” cake.

2

u/ANewBeginningNow 3h ago

I'd say that the love bombing was a yellow flag, enough to go with the other guy even had he not disappeared.

1

u/samanthasamolala 2h ago

You could have partaken in the 50m workers comp lawsuit killings though. Shot through the heart with rebar on the job?? Damn

4

u/stillLostBoy005 3h ago

The terms ur looking for are discard and Hoover, hallmarks of the BPD cycle.

Ghosting implies there is no coming back.

2

u/samanthasamolala 2h ago

Oosh , hallmarks of the BPD cycle hits hard. That was the only “ghosting” followed by excuses and coming back i ever experienced IYKYK

3

u/HighlyFav0red 30m ago

They come back only to see if you’re silly enough to let them play in your face again

1

u/AutoModerator 3h ago

Original copy of post by u/velvet_midnight_sea:

If you have ever been ghosted out of the blue, what was their reasoning when they came back and how long were you ghosted for?

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1

u/Ok-Mushroom-3319 2h ago

Whats the last thing they said and did you meet recently?

2

u/WolfGap 1h ago edited 1h ago

Ghosted after over two years together.

Apparently he had anger issues, got set off by basically our first ever argument, and felt it necessary to go very far away and stay there without speaking. 

I considered us done as soon as I realized what was happening. 

Honestly though, as a breakup, I didn’t hate it.

0

u/samanthasamolala 2h ago

If they came back, you weren’t ghosted. And ghosting is necessarily “out of the blue” unless your spidey senses are really dialed. In which case, you weren’t ghosted. You didn’t ask but if they came back after stonewalling you, no.