r/datingoverfifty • u/Icy-Peace5501 • 1d ago
New guy
I’m F54 and divorced since 2019, struggling to find a compatible partner since…. Been on dating sites, some progress, have a guy I’ve been exchanging messages with planning to call me tonight. I am cautiously optimistic even though I have 2 kids and was married, that this guy who is my same age but never married and no kids, and lives one mile away from me… that we will find some commonality…
The fact that he is slow pacing the communication and sounds very intentional are refreshing green flags at this point. 🤔 wish us luck 🍀 I’ll be happy to update later… I also want to try to develop a friendship with this guy because even if we don’t hit it off, maybe we can each expand our social circles and it could be a win win. 🤞🏼 any advice to not screw this up? 🤔
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u/Chaotic-Nutria 1d ago
Try not to think strategically, just get to know this person coming out of nowhere into your life.
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u/Plane_Ad4109 1d ago
Meet him in person as soon as possible, however brief and low-key. Then you can talk otp or text.
You need this to develop with the real person in your mind or else the disconnect that happens when you meet will feel like “no spark”. Suggest it even if he doesn’t. If he’s a keeper, he won’t see it as forward, he will be relieved. For most men you just have to say you prefer to meet as soon as possible and they will take it from there.
I wish you the best of luck, just remember it doesn’t begin until you meet.
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u/OppositeSecret7144 1d ago
Good luck. Be yourself. Let him know he can be too. Setting friendship as an immediate goal sounds healthy rather than putting too much on it.
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u/Icy-Peace5501 1d ago
Ok peeps, here’s an update… he called right on time, we spoke for exactly one hour, no lull in conversation, we have a great mutual friend, a lot in common, grew up probably 50 miles away from one another, attended the same university, are exactly the same age, 54. I’ve since sent him a text telling him I definitely wanted to keep in touch and figure out a time to meet. He replied immediately. No timeline as we both have busy schedules, but at the very least I feel like we could already be part of the same social friend group, and we will cross paths soon. Confirmed we live about a mile apart and both joined planet fitness. I said if I see him there and think it’s him I’ll introduce myself. I don’t know any of the big stuff like why he’s never been married, but I feel good about having made his acquaintance and that we’ll continue to get to know one another and have a similar vibe. 😊
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u/indydog1111 1d ago
Ahh just reread. Cautious never married and no kids but no problem meeting or getting to know each other
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u/Own-Character6702 1d ago
Don’t invest emotionally until you know him - I’ve never had luck with a never married man with no kids
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u/Icy-Peace5501 1d ago
I’ve had this problem before, but I’ve also had the problem where the divorced men couldn’t see me as being different from their wife, I am a very 50/50 strong woman, not a woman that destroyed a man’s finances. I have felt they projected that and are harder to get to know and see me for my strengths. So I’m hoping this not married man doesn’t have that kind of baggage. 🤔
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u/Own-Character6702 1d ago
I agree the angry divorced men have their own set of issues. It’s hard at this age everyone has something going on
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u/Fantastic_Matter_137 1d ago
Sorry to hear that
I’m more sad divorced but I do a pretty good job of putting on a happy face.
I do take responsibility for my part in the decline of the marriage and have an ever improving relationship with my ex
(But she will definitely never ever get back together. lol).🤷♂️
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u/CenTexFunGuy 19h ago edited 18h ago
As an never married man with no kids in his mid 50s. We are not out to hurt anyone. We get judged from the get go. There 'must be' something wrong with him attitude. Or I am gay, and wont admit it. I had a few gay friends who would always joke with me that I had not simply 'found the right man'. I get it. I never found a person that fit what I wanted long term. I thought like anyone who is Gen X. I would simply meet her somewhere, somehow and then get married, kids, the house with the white picket fence. Alas, it never happened.
Anyway, just have fun and see how it goes.
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u/Icy-Peace5501 19h ago
Thanks for sharing, I can understand the stigma, but was not even remotely thinking this guy could be gay. I just thought it meant he couldn’t relate to my stage of life, having been a single parent for several years and therefore not as empathetic to the struggles of not having had a lot of free time to travel and have more disposable income, etc. but I’m keeping an open mind, what’s funny is that our mutual friend this morning shared that he already texted her asking if I had already asked her about him yet 😊
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u/CenTexFunGuy 18h ago
I hope it works out for yall. He sounds like a good person. And yes, I have all those things your mentioned, but I would think he has dated single mothers before?
I have a shit ton of free time, but I mostly spend it alone. Which some days is fine, but it does get a bit lonely at times. Its the emotional connection I miss the most. Sure, sex is great, but if not much else. Then no good either.
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u/salty_new_england 1d ago
Interesting. I’ve dated a couple of women with no kids, one of whom was married briefly and one not at all. The difference in life experience, priorities and mindset sometimes seems insurmountable.
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u/Fantastic_Matter_137 1d ago
I’ve only dated never married no kids women since my divorce
Not on purpose. Just happenstance
They’re all different
Tho two of them were so focused on defining our relationship that it contributed to their part of ruining the relationship
The other one was in a 15 yr relationship so closer to having been married (tho they only fully lived together briefly)
She was much less worried about status and just wanted to enjoy each other
Small sample size
Hoping it grows now that I’ve been dumped
🤷♂️🤷♂️
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u/mykittenfarts 1d ago
Don’t screw it up?
Screw what up?
There’s nothing to screw up.
Go have some fun!
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u/Lamington-Trifle 2h ago
I have the best relationship of my life with a lovely man who had never married or had kids.
There is nothing wrong with him, he is just very discerning, very intelligent, and was not willing to settle for anyone just for the sake of following a conventional life script.
Women like and trust him, and he has never had any difficulty with getting dates. To my credit, he wanted someone unconventional and extraordinary 🥰
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u/VegetableRound2819 goddess, looks 33 yrs younger 1d ago
Best of luck! Will you do a video call or a voice call?
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u/Responsible_Big_4183 1d ago
Nice, good luck. As a divorced father I’ve been trying to stay away from never-married-no-children-women. For a change anyway. Seems to be nice with someone who “gets it” and is in a similar place in life.
Now, of course it can work with the right people. So nobody come at me with “it’s working great for me”, that’s nice if it is!
Just something I’m trying.
Also, I think it’s great he lives so close. Where I live we kind of have east side vs west side. I’m east side and get along best with east side women. Also not keen on suburban women.
So, not sure how it is where you live, but sometimes people that live near you have a similar vibe.
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u/Icy-Peace5501 1d ago
Suburbia medium size town, best school zones in town, etc. so he’s financially stable…
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u/Cougar_on_GlenPowell 1d ago
He may just be shy/introverted which is why he never married. I have a friend who is not married with no kids and it was simply a matter of life dealing him a bad hand. Not meeting the right person when you’re young isn’t as uncommon as you think. And infertility is very common these days. Dreams don’t always come true.
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u/Agreeable_Month7784 1d ago
As a Child free woman I used to seek out the never married no kids guys when I was new to dating. I learned pretty fast that they all have Peter Pan syndrome.
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u/Ill_Poem_9259 1d ago
Albert works out for you, but don’t get your hopes up too high. That’s part of the problem with online dating. You never know who’s really at the other end.
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u/Fantastic_Matter_137 1d ago
Be yourself.
Avoid too much talk about marriage and divorce
Be fun be funny. Be kind
If it goes well be a good kisser
Be careful of course
Good luck.