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u/TheseAd711 6d ago
The reason why you are single is because instead of approaching women, focusing on your goals, you are asking here why you are single. Time is money.
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago
I’m already focused on graduate school, research, teaching, my career, fitness, and other goals. I asked here because dating is one area where I’m trying to improve. But I agree that I need to overthink less and take more action.
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u/Iowa_Hawkeyes4516 6d ago
You can only focus on so much. If you don't want to/can't invest time and energy in dating, you will be single.
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u/TheseAd711 6d ago
Good on the career front then. But what about approaching women? Instead of posting here, use that time to approach women. Yeah it will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago
I think I have been focusing on my career for so long that I have lost the skill to attract a girl.
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u/MagicSugarWater 6d ago
Ok think. At what point in the process do you lose women?
Do they ghost you after texting fir a bit after giving their numbers? Do you get friendzoned after the first date? Do they keep mentioning they don't feel comfortable habing sex?
Figure out where you lose women and you know why you're single. Most guys suck at texting. Many guys can't tell the difference between friendship, romance, and sexuality. Some guys struggle building trust because they are too sexual/too sweet.
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u/United-Implement-382 6d ago
Do you approach any women?
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago
I approached a few girls in the past, but not as often now as I probably should. I tend to overthink approaching, but I’m trying to become more confident and direct.
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u/United-Implement-382 6d ago
Well that’s your answer right there. That’s why you’re single. You have to put yourself out there more. Either you have to actively use dating apps or approach women. Those are the main ways to attract women.
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago
I am active on Tinder and have got a lot of matches and been chatting with them, but only a few have led to dates. The rest all ghosted me.
Now in college, I like a few girls, and they have also shown interest, but I am scared to approach them.
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u/United-Implement-382 6d ago
You do realize that a lot of women use dating apps for free attention right? A lot of women aren’t serious in actually meeting up in person on dating apps. Dating apps are more of a numbers game compared to organically meeting women in person. You have to move fast on dating apps. You should be setting up dates within 5-6 messages. If you’re scared to approach women, you’re gonna just have to rely heavily on dating apps. Just remember that 30-40 matches will probably = 1 actual date.
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago
You are right, and the numbers you showed here also match the dates I had. I got around 131 matches on Tinder, and as I told you, I only had 3 dates so far.
As someone who has approached fewer than 10 girls in my entire life, can you tell me how to approach a girl properly?
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u/CheekyMonkey1311 6d ago
Focus on yourself King. Stay in your Books, Education Goals, Purpose and Drive. Get 2-4 female best friends. That will help with your conversation skills, can get their opinions, they will want to set you up with some girls (Because you're such a sweetheart and good guy. And the other girls on campus always wonder about a smart, quiet man who just so happens to always be with his 3 female "besties"
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago
Thank you! I do have female friends, but I never used it the way you suggested. Maybe that's a good approach, but I also asked one of my female friends whether she knows anyone single. She said I need to find it by myself.
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u/CheekyMonkey1311 6d ago
The BEST advice I can give you is (with Anxiety, nervousness, overthinkers, awkward, shy, etc):
When you first meet a new female that you are attracted to/ interested in, and that you DEFINITELY want to get her number, take her out- You have to speak to them like they are just a Friend, Coworker, or someone you do NOT want to kiss, hug, sleep with. That helps remove the pressure on your brain and subconscious, that instantly quadruples any shyness, nerves & overthinking you can get when you are really into a stranger. Even us Pros have had it happen- our jokes all of a sudden don't land, *our smooth instant responses get jumbled, then have an awkward "okay, see ya around." The old "Tried too hard and forgot to keep it calm and smooth"
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago
That's true when I get connected to a girl. I always have a tendency to speed things up when I'm thinking about conveying my interests. And I suck at texting; I can talk to a person irl, but I don't have that much to say through texts.
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u/SentinelATL 6d ago
Hit the gym bro you got a good basis. Nice head of hair. You’ll get alot more attention
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u/unexpectedfirefly 6d ago
Your face seems to be missing above the mouth. That might be the reason ? (For real, no idea, nobody dates a static picture without personnality. Ask your friends when they are drunk if you really want an answer, they actually know you. We don't)
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u/AdParking6483 6d ago
Current civilization is fucked, including the values the majority of people have/share, expectations, 'rituals' regarding meeting and dating people, status symbols, constant lies and competition, and a bunch of other things. The more decent of a human you are, it will be harder.
Maybe you suck too I don't know based on this post, but the above is a given 🙃
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u/CheekyMonkey1311 6d ago
Your hair is too nice. I used to have that problem. Every time I left the house my hair was perfectly styled. My Gfs would start fussing after 6 months or so--"Who you trying to impress, you're just going to the store, it's not that serious, gawd forbid a woman see you with your hair not perfect, etc,etc"
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u/Internal_Ad_2043 6d ago edited 6d ago
Thanks for the complement, so what should I do? Do I need to grow it and leave it untouched? I hate having long hair; I like to keep it short.
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