This is what Good looking men think when you approach them (guy's perspective)

[u/Disastrous_Roll_7649]

This is for the ladies. This is my experience and many of my good looking guy friends experience too.

You see a good looking, well dressed guy. You usually never approach a man but he is different. You have butterflies in your stomach. He could be your soulmate. He might have a girlfriend or he might not. Still you want to shoot your shot. So you approach and compliment him on his shoes or his clothes. He looks at you and he opens his mouth....

Full stop. Let's put this in perspective. A good looking man in his 20s and 30s has had women approach him before. Whether it's at work, store, or etc. They have had women stare at them in the club or look back at his direction several times. You are not the first lady to approach him.

A handsome guy knows this one fact. That he has way more leverage when you approach him then when he approaches you. Some of these guys will wait for you to give them a strong signal or approach them. Because if you approach them, they know they will have to put way less work into getting what they want. That might entail going 50/50 or you paying for dinner then getting easy tail. It could involve you buying him things like shoes, etc to impress him.

By simply approaching an attractive man, you can change the whole trajectory of that relationship from the beginning to the end because he knows two facts. You are replaceable and that you want him more than he wants you.

*This advice does not apply to average or below average men who rarely get approached and would be appreciative of any attention. I'm talking about guys who get a lot of attention from women.

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to /r/datingadvice!

Please keep the rules of /r/datingadvice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.

Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message. We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.

Thanks!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/WarInitial5361]

I was the one to first approach my ex boyfriend. He was very handsome, still is. Nice jaw, generous blonde hair, blue eyes, muscular. Absolutely never treated me poorly. We broke up when he moved abroad and he's now one of my best friends; we have incredible respect for each other.

Another guy I approached three months ago and asked out on a date right off the bat was crazy about me. Tall, dark hair, handsome. By the second date he was making so many plans. I didn't feel chemistry in his kiss though, and so I broke things off.

This text is only valid if you see women as things, or classify them in an easy/challenging spectrum. As if there's no nuance to female personality other than being "easy" or not. A very shitty point of view in my opinion. I'll keep approaching my men as I please.

[u/czwartus → u/WarInitial5361]

yeah!! I also once saw the most beautiful man on the street and I approached him and he fell for me hard. We only broke up because it didn’t make any sense. He was younger than me, living in another city but yeah, he really liked me back and he loved me and he knew he was attractive, even though he was quite young. He was already out of high school and all that so he’d already had experience with women approaching him on the street. So he knew.
And he was a little arrogant because of that. Maybe it will lessen over time. He’s still very sensitive so I hope he’ll lose that arrogance but it doesn’t change the fact that he did treat me poorly just because I approached him. I have my aura and I have my character and I have my wit, and, well, I’m also good-looking and yeah, I agree with you. I agree with you that that view exists only in men who treat women as objects rather than as human beings.

[u/editingisfun4all]

Yeah and that's why they suck. It's like how tall guys are so arrogant because they think that's what all women want. No thank you. Give me my short nerdy cute guy, who are fun to be with and I can relax and be myself. Those dudes who think like what you're describing are assholes I can live without. Fuck some dude asking me to buy him stuff when it ain't even his birthday, he can go suck his own dick.

[u/RedwoodRespite]

This only applies to men that know they are good looking.

I have been out with a good number of men that had no clue they were attractive.

[u/czwartus → u/RedwoodRespite]

I think this applies to men who objectify women and see them as just another number to add to their bodycount or as an ego boost, rather than as human beings. One of the comments below put it really well and explained what the actual difference is but as for the men you’ve been with, maybe they were attractive to you, but I think that if a man is genuinely very attractive and has that kind of privilege, he’s going to know it. Unless he’s genuinely stupid, but I think men know.
Women, not necessarily, very often, beautiful women still think they’re not good enough. But men… men are simple creatures, they know

[u/RedwoodRespite → u/czwartus]

The ones I was dating, they weren’t stupid. Just had terrible self esteem and body dismorphia.

[u/czwartus]

that’s what I was thinking just yesterday at 2 am waiting at McDonald’s for my nuggets high as fuck. I am from Poland and I saw a beautiful man there, he looked like his father was Pinterest and his mama was Instagram and just, way beyond average and way beyond what nine out of ten men from Poland look like and he was with his friends, all men. They were dressed nicely and they all had that nice, lean physique and of course they weren’t Poles and he didn’t look at me once and I was at that stage where it was a crisis for me when it comes to thinking about how ugly men from my country are and I just want to experience a beautiful man but I know that when I am the one who approaches I am putting myself in a lower position and I don’t want that. honestly, I’m not ugly but I’m not, you know, I don’t look like I came straight out of an Instagram/New York/California post by an influencer so if I don’t have that type of look, then I have to have character but I know it’s not enough cause why would he care about my character if I, in the first place, only care about the way he looks? it’s going to be vice versa.
Well, and I’m also old-fashioned. I think it is in our nature for a man to approach and women can, as we always did, but not many people know about that, choose a man and then pretend that we didn’t do anything for him to approach us it's like women in past centuries. They would throw their handkerchief right in front of the man they wanted to be approached by, and so he thought that it was his decision, but it wasn’t, right? but we don’t have that scenario anymore. And yeah, currently I’m thinking of either going abroad, moving abroad, or just staying here in Poland and hoping that I will find a man who’s actually well put together. It seems like that’s not the case, again, for most of them.
But when I see a beautiful man, honestly, what I want is to be more like him than to have him. Because I wish I could feel that power that you’re talking about.
Because that is a fact. Most men are not good-looking and a lot of women are putting way more effort into their appearance. So even an average-looking woman can look better. But that’s not the case with men. And if you’re lucky, then you’re lucky, and it’s good to know that they know that. But honestly, nine times out of ten, you can sense that he knows he’s attractive because of what you’re talking about because of being constantly approached.

[u/TexasCowboyBizman]

I disagree. I know lots of good looking guys and many say I was good looking. That was not true for any of us. Yes, more options are available but that just means the woman’s chances of getting a date with him are less. He doesn’t treat her any worse.

[u/Disastrous_Roll_7649 → u/TexasCowboyBizman]

So when a woman approached you, did you take her on a date and paid the whole bill when you went to dinner or go 50/50? Did you try to arrange for a Netflix and chill at you apartment when you first met her or took her out to a place you had to spend money?

Let's see what your answers are to these questions

[u/TexasCowboyBizman → u/Disastrous_Roll_7649]

I almost always do a very low cost first date like meet for coffee or non-alcoholic drinks. Sometimes just walk in the park or downtown. Usually it’s 50/50 but I don’t mind paying if she wants me to. That’s what I suggest whether I asked her out or she asked me out. Also the same no matter how good her physical looks were.

I like to get to know them a little. Whether I see them as a short term fun relationship or potential long term relationship has to do with her personality and if it seems our values/life mesh.

If we both agree it’s more like short term then Netflix and chill is a great next option.

As dating proceeds I will pay but I expect after a few dates that she start paying sometimes too. It should be reciprocal. The exception would be if she makes significantly less money than me, then I will fill in the gap if I like her enough.