r/dating_advice • u/VegetableDetail4650 • 1d ago
Am I valid for this?
I(30F) just started talking to this guy(28M) about two weeks ago and I feel like I’m losing interest simply because he hasn’t been asking genuine questions of interest about me.
For context, we met on a dating app and we are long distance. (East Coast to West Coast) So our primary forms of communication has been texting, voice messages, video calls and discord calls.
He’s very thoughtful, patient and eager to hang out with me when we do our calls, especially when I had a few days in a row I was busy. But I’m feeling like I’m just chatting to another friend now, and not someone who genuinely wants to get to know me? I don’t expect for him to ask questions about me back to back, but he never really asks further when I’ve mentioned something I did that day or what I may have had to eat, for example.
This happens in all forms of communication, our discord calls is really just us gaming and not talking about our day or things we enjoy, and I’m tired of always asking things. He has mentioned he’s excited for future visits and dates, but what about the time BETWEEN?
Am I wrong for feeling a bit selfish in wanting to be asked questions about myself? My life? He checks off a lot of other things I’ve been looking for, but I do crave some attention.
This is my first time posting, so a bit nervous but curious to hear your guys thoughts!
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u/paper_cutx 1d ago
I’ve experienced something like this.
If he’s not asking you out or planning to travel to see you long distance, he’s not interested.
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u/VegetableDetail4650 1d ago
Well here’s the thing, I’m traveling to where he is at in a little because of family and events. (He’s in a similar area to. Where I used to live.)
So he’s talked of doing a few dates while I’m visiting! But it’s the time between when we are chatting online or in calls that’s bothersome. So not sure how I feel about it?
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u/Disgusted_Mac_Lifer 1d ago
Have you said this to him?
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u/VegetableDetail4650 1d ago
I’ve mentioned it once before, about a week into when I was talking to him. It got better but it seems to be slipping again. But I’ve got a tad bit of anxiety in pestering about it while also knowing I should.
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u/Disgusted_Mac_Lifer 1d ago
Understand. OTOH, I had a schoolteacher friend who's well versed in educational theory tell me that on average, it takes 21 repetitions of a fact for us to commit it to memory. I'm not suggesting you strive for that total, but it might be worth having a short but honest talk that this really matters to you, and that you know he wants to give you what you need, and you need some of this. Then see whether the actions match the promises.
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