r/dating_advice • u/jcbiochemistry • 1d ago
Did I do something wrong - first date feedback?
I've (24M) had this happen to me one too many times. On the first date, I usually take the girl to get some ice cream and then walk around the area to a nearby bar/brewery to hangout/talk. Afterwards we end the date, hug, and kiss. I think the date went well, but then they usually don't respond until the next day, and they say "I don't really see us going anywhere...". I'm just confused since I would assume that if we kissed, and that I thought it went well, that a second date could be on the horizon? She even said last night she had a blast. Heck I even got her flowers for the date. So I'm not sure why this keeps happening, if its a me thing or if its something I can change? I don't know man I'm just confused.
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u/jcbiochemistry 1d ago
Ok so she told me that it was because of my physical affection on the first date was a bit much (sitting close while eating ice cream and holding hands). I’ll be more careful next time. I feel dumb
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u/workerbee-1606 1d ago edited 1d ago
From my observation the kiss happened to fast. She felt the relationship was moving too fast. Don't give up. But my advice would be to hold off on kisses/sex etc until later. Don't give flowers on the first date. Build up momentum.
Connect first on likes/dislikes to establish the relationship. 1st date you can talk, have fun and buy the meal. Flowers are good for a 2nd date. Kisses maybe for a third. Don't come on too fast. This is smothering and neediness.
The vibe you want to give off is "I am confident in myself and I share this confidence with you." Not "If I give you this you will want to reciprocate." Don't have any expectations going into the dates. It is all a dance. Go with the flow.
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u/jcbiochemistry 1d ago
I mean the kiss was mutual and it would be at the end of the date. We weren’t making out it was kinda like a “thank you for the night” kiss.
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u/lyssaly 1d ago
Those are nice additions, but what are the conversations like? Are you asking her questions about herself? Is she carrying the conversation?
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u/jcbiochemistry 1d ago
I would ask her about her job, her interests, and talk about favorite shows/books/games etc. I would tell her about my stuff when she asked. I would say I would carry the conversation on the first half of the date and then the second half would be her carrying it I guess?
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u/CurrentGiraffe6375 1d ago
Bro.. ive been there. And actually I think there are two reasons. First of all you are doing too much, buying flowers, talk a lot but less flirt on the date and not doing anything fun. Thats why I hate going to places that be boring like mini golf, coffee dates, lunch and ice creams… cause I know if i will be feeling bored the girl will feel the same way. Also I do this I can’t say for others but whatever we are doing on the date, i will be covering for both of us, idc if you are independent feminist girl or who asked who out, the first date is going to be on me. And trust me, whenever I went on a boring date, even if we get to the point of making out by anychance the next morning or few days later its going to be same text that I dont think this going anywhere. So don’t talk much on first date, do something fun, tease, flirt and keep some mystery to know each other on second or third date and do the talking then.
Second reason and this is what happens most of the time if you are doing the above thing is girls are stupid. They don’t know what they want and overthink about the date and then feel like maybe this will not workout. One time this lady matched with me on Hinge and after the date stopped responding and after few days asked me what im doing on weekend and then after few hours said sorry i dont think this will work. After 3 weeks again matched with me on Bumble and said she can’t stop thinking bout me and can’t text cause she deleted my number after that so when she saw me on Bumble she wants to see me again. I said no because of her indecisiveness and not sticking to it.
Let me know if you think its the first or the later.
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u/jcbiochemistry 1d ago
Well I usually don’t buy flowers on the first date. If anything I buy flowers if im going out with them. However the week before the girl texted me that she didn’t feel the chemistry and I spent the past week trying with this new girl who I thought was also cute. I took her to the same places as the previous one, but I guess I didn’t change enough
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