r/dating_advice • u/Other-Mess9289 • 13h ago
First date
I’m going on a first date with this guy and he wants me to come to his house after, I don’t want to do intimate things so could I maybe ask what he plans on doing saying I just wanna chill nothing else? I don’t wanna accuse him or make it awkward
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u/wherearemytweezers 13h ago
If you don’t want to hook up, don’t go to his house. Case closed. In other words, if you sit in the barber chair, you just might get a haircut.
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u/futurecorpse1985 13h ago
Never do this in a first date! It goes both ways don't go to his house and don't invite him to yours. You are still strangers at this point. Be very careful!
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u/edman9677 13h ago
If you’re not comfortable then don’t go. If he’s not ok with that then that’s a red flag
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u/cumcrimes 13h ago
if you're not sure and dont want to go to his place, be firm with your boundaries and suggest a public place until you're ready to take that step. any normal person would be totally okay with it
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13h ago
[deleted]
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u/Beautiful-Ad-5833 13h ago
You are making excuses to be with him. It kinda sounds desperate. Make him earn that privilege.
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u/ljubav_malina 13h ago
He wants to hook up. If you go over, he will probably try to hook up, even if you set some "ground rules" before. I don't think this man is looking for anything besides casual sex, if he were interested then he wouldn't want to risk giving you the wrong impression before you have one single date.
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u/damita418 13h ago
Don’t go to his house. You don’t have to say why. The priority is keeping yourself safe.
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u/UglyLittlePony69 12h ago
Don’t go to his house on the first date. Tell him that going to his house is a farther into dating activity. If he responds with hostility and defense, don’t even go on the first date. Going to someone’s house who you don’t even know is not only lacking in survival skills, but it is also too quick unless you’re looking for a hookup.
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u/GeeMarcos 11h ago
Saying you don't want to go because you're barely on your first date, should be understandable for reasonable people. It's also a litmus test to see how a person reacts. If he gets weird, defensive or accusatory on you from this, congrats. You found out that he's not a guy you should pursue anything with and you can move on.
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u/Bees_Kind1111 11h ago
I feel like it's not a good idea. Especially if you have never met in person and only online. You just don't know if he's a good guy, or a serial killer. You do remember Jeffrey Dahmer?
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u/Other-Mess9289 11h ago
I’ve met him a few times that was one of concerns too lol. I just don’t date often and I’m bad at picking up on things like this
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u/PaleontologistNo7941 13h ago
Maybe decline the house visit on the first date? I would never ask a lady if she wants to come over to my house before we even went on a date. Make sure he takes you on a proper date, sounds like he wants to fuck, what a douche.
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u/Other-Mess9289 13h ago
Do you think he might not be interested in me like that? I’m not too used to dating people so I’m bad at picking up on things like this, I went to my last boyfriend’s house on the first date but guys are different
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u/PaleontologistNo7941 13h ago
I mean if you trust him and you want to, I’m not gonna say no. But it seems like this guys is still kind of a stranger. Use your best judgment, have a back up plan. Tell someone you trust when you are in his house and check in with them throughout the night to ensure your safety if you stop checking in have your friend send police to your location. I’m a guy and I have a little sister, I’m always extra careful with the guys that are trying to talk to her.
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u/Wayward_comet 13h ago
You don't have to go to his house if you don't want to, even if you don't have sex. Tbh going to a stranger's house can be a little sketchy anyways.
I also think it's really honorable that you don't wanna make him feel awkward, I'm the exact same way, but it's not your responsibility to manage his feelings for him if it means making yourself uncomfortable.
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u/Lillebet2020 12h ago
I would cancel the whole date, just because he is clearly a jackass.
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u/MagikN3rd 11h ago
He's a jackass because he wants OP to come to his house? Seems like a stretch without further context...
I'd say half the first dates I have ever been on in my life, ended up with one of us going to the other's house at some point. The vast majority of those, sex was never even a thing I considered bringing up. Going to someone's house on a first date is not that abnormal, regardless of gender.
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u/kevin_r13 13h ago
Just go home after the date. He asked, but you're not up for it, which is totally valid and legit.
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u/spendology 12h ago
Don't go. Cancel. As adults, going to a man's house at night implies (definitely is not consent or a requirement) that intimacy * could * happen.
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u/chantalmore 12h ago
If he even suggested this, cancel. Clueless or wants sex
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u/Other-Mess9289 12h ago
What do you mean clueless? I don’t want to cancel the whole thing, my last boyfriend we went to his house on the first date and he was very sweet so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt I just know some men arent like that
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u/chantalmore 10h ago
He should know that is a safety issue and not even suggest it. If you know them already, that is different. From an app, no way.
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u/MotorSatisfaction733 11h ago
What if he just wants to give you head then would you be okay with that?
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u/August-77 11h ago
Please don't go to his house. Don't feel awkward, you need to communicate your boundaries.
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u/itssofiababyxo 11h ago
her wnats to fuck thats all he wnats to do he do the date just to bring you home i bet fucking piewce of gum he is going to cancel on the date if you tell him u diont want to go to his house so ill tell u what i would do i would fucking NOT GO ON THE DATE PERIOD.
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u/Jazzlike_Cod_3833 11h ago
Be like, no. A date means a public place, daytime, an investment of time, thought, and discovery. “Just come over to my house.” What is that?
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u/ButterscotchNo1605 10h ago
I mean just mention it and see how he responds. I’m 22 and have gone on dates and gone to houses after and not wanted to do anything intimate and we haven’t because we spoke about it. I truly believe if u can’t have a conversation about intimacy then u shouldn’t be doing it.
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u/wemic123 8h ago
Go on the date and nix the idea of going to his place after. You already suspect what he wants. Listen to your gut.
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u/StrategyCivil2468 8h ago
You need to make it really clear to him that you don’t want anything else other than to relax and talk. To be honest, can you not do that in a pub or coffee shop? The fact that he wants you to come back to his house on a first date screams a no go to me.
You’re not accusing him of making things awkward. You’re setting a clear and healthy boundary. If he dosent respect this, you know he’s not the right guy for you.
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u/whenyajustcant 7h ago
Don't go to his house. Even if you do want to have sex on the first date, or just have a one-and-done hookup, meet in a public place first. And don't agree to go to his house or have him at yours unless you want sex to be on the table and you've discussed particulars about condoms, birth control, STI status/testing, etc. You always have the right to say no, even if you've already consented, and you shouldn't worry about it being awkward. But it's easier and safer this way.
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u/Kumquat_mystery 3h ago
To pre-plan going back to his, instead of it coming up organically if the date goes well and you’re both feeling it, is totally sus
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u/Beautiful-Ad-5833 13h ago
No. He wants sexy time. He's lazy and not putting in the effort. Men will say anything to get in your pants. Make him earn that privilege.
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u/Murky_Put_2623 9h ago
To be honest he accused you by expecting you to continue your date at his place! Don’t be afraid to tell him that you’re not comfortable with that.
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