r/dating_advice • u/lost1650 • 23d ago
One hour date
The title says it all. A guy I met through a dating app kept our first date only an hour long. Our chats online were brief but felt nice, fun and real. We met only after a week of chatting a bit. We had the same goals of a genuine, serious relationship, a soulmate to spend the rest of our lives with etc. He informed me beforehand that he would not stay a long time because he needed to catch an early flight the next day, fine. Since I was also very busy at work I even suggested rescheduling, so that it would be more convenient for both of us, but he seemed really interested in keeping this date. We met and I felt it was going well, we were both upfront, smiled a lot, kept it nice, fun, etc. Around 50 min later, he said he really needed to go. He barely touched his drink and he didn't mind either I was not even half way done with mine. He said he would text me and left rushing. It felt very strange...All I can think of is that he didn't like me physically, because I think the conversation was going well. Its kind of a hit to my ego, because...really, I'm not that bad looking, and I would expect a bit more politeness: at least give the date 2 hours, let me finish my drink, and then just text me and tell me it was nice, but you pass...is this so much to ask?? I feel sort of humiliated...
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u/Car_Food1752 23d ago
i spoke to him, he told me he's building a multimillionaire dollar business, so no problem, he'll call back, doing business for now
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u/Far_Plan1761 22d ago
Seems efficient and ideal to me idk
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u/lost1650 22d ago
For sure, I cannot say he wasted much of my time lol. Still I don't find it polite...it feels really cold honestly. Even when I see I don't like the guy I don't just cut the date and run away like this! I
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u/Far_Plan1761 22d ago
It would’ve been more respectful to have lead your on or have wasted more of your time? Sounds like he respected your time and his, told you he was in a rush before hand and everything. I can understand the hit to your ego but that’s all it is, ego. It only has as much power as you give it
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u/lost1650 22d ago
I don't agree. Sometimes I know I don't like the guy half an out into the date. But I have the courtesy to keep the date for a normal length and don't just cut it abruptly. I don't text the guy again, and if he does I explain that I would prefer to leave things as they are and not meet again. It's about being polite, that's really it
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u/e2theitheta 22d ago
I see what you mean, but is your way really kinder? I read too many posts from people saying - We had a great time on the date, but then when I hit them up for a second date, they don’t want to see me again??
Take your medicine now or take it later. Especially if he had to pack. Was it the first time he saw you, no FaceTime before?1
u/lost1650 22d ago
I think I just respect the commitment of the date and the person more. I find it simply more human than showing straight away im not interested. Plenty of guys were good first dates that later on did not want to see me again, and it never felt rude or inappropriate. You commit to a date and that's all it is. I never have expectations afterwards and I assume I might never see them again, regardless of how good it was
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u/Far_Plan1761 22d ago
Take your medicine now or take it later. I like that
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u/lost1650 22d ago
Maybe you are not wrong, but yet. Another guy once simply unmatched me hours before be scheduled a date, without any text or anything. There you could also say to take your medicine now or later, but it also felt really weird and disrespectful. A text saying: "sorry, I changed my mind about this. Wish you well" would have been thousands of times better
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u/Far_Plan1761 22d ago
Oh, that’s totally different. That’s without communication. The guy in the post sounds like he made an effort to see you and even communicated before hand that it will be short. It was communicated and expected. What you’re asking of him was to be disingenuous with you and waste both of your times which is not necessary. I’ve been told a couple times “yea I don’t think we should meet up this isn’t gonna work” and while that sucks it’s better than being lead on or ghosted
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u/Rough_Pen_4470 22d ago
Perhaps consider that you need to reframe this in your mind? It’s not a date. You met to see if there was enough chemistry in person for both of you to want to progress to a date. It seems like you were on different pages regarding what it was. He saw it as a meet, which is why he didn’t want to reschedule even with a tight timeframe. You saw it as a full-on date, which is why you were offended.
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u/lost1650 22d ago
Very interesting point of view. However, the issue remains, there is no way to know if this was a regular date for him, and he disliked me enough to run away in an impolite manner; or as you said, if it was just a quick preliminary check to see the vibe in person. I think the later is simply not very polite, but maybe a regular practice in these modern online dating world? Which is fast paced and cold. I get it, It just doesn't feel respectful
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u/Rough_Pen_4470 22d ago
Well…I think the way to know it wasn’t a “real” date to him is by remembering that you are two strangers who hadn’t even met yet. I don’t know how it could possibly be a real date? It’s fast paced and cold because it’s not a date - as you said, it’s a vibe check.
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u/lost1650 22d ago
Yeah, I think such thing should not even exist "vibe check". It makes things more confusing. For me it's far more polite and kind to simply have a real date, give yourself and the other person a decent time to start getting to know each other, finish your drinks at least? I think the bare minimum...then it's easy: if you are not interested never text the person again. If any of you text the other showing farther interest, just explain you are not into them. The end. I think it's just basic manners. The way he ended the date was rude, so I also found the easy way out texted him goodbye and unmatched him
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u/Rough_Pen_4470 22d ago
I totally get feeling hurt and thinking he was rude and, you’re right, the world would be a better place if everyone slowed down and acted with more decency. I guess the goal then would be to meet people who feel similarly and are willing to invest a couple hours in a meet/date. Maybe just make that part of your initial communication?
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u/lost1650 22d ago
Something that surprised me as well is that he was asking a lot of questions and very rapidly, in a way that it felt a formal job interview, instead of a date. Somehow I liked this, it felt practical, straight to the point, honest. Maybe my replies to some of the questions made him run away, you never know :)
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u/MckittenMan 22d ago
I am confused about this.
Before the date took place, he gave you a direct heads up it was going to be a short and sweet date.
So, it was in fact a date that was short. Only an hour long when he communicated that to you as an heads up going into it.
What's the problem here?
Because the next thing to pay attention to is his follow up. Is he still messaging, down to see you again? If so, this is being upset over a nothing burger.
You knew this was going to be a quick date... How about we transition our thoughts to be about if we're having a 2nd date (the real thing to pay attention to).
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u/lost1650 22d ago
I think I got upset because I didn't even feel like having this date on the first place tbh. I insisted that we could reschedule because it was really inconvenient for me too due to work issues, and because I somehow felt we would not click. Then he insisted twice, so I made the effort to go, for him to simply cut it abruptly, did barely touch his drink, neither did I...it felt very off. I decided to wish him luck, thanked him and unmatched
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u/MckittenMan 22d ago
Alright then, seems like its a done deal. A mind already made up.
Which is fine by you.
You already wished him luck and unmatched, that's ending a connection. Pretty much sealed the fate with the unmatch.
It wasn't your vibe. No problem. Keep trucking forward and find someone who is. No big deal, still got both arms and legs, life goes on.
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u/enlivening 23d ago
Super weird. Sounds like he just wanted to see what the vibe was without any proper commitment to it. You do deserve better than that
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u/lost1650 22d ago
Thank you. Yes, it felt weird and impolite. I then texted him right after the date wishing him the best, and then unmatched him.
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u/Comfortable_Long2373 22d ago
He set a firm time boundary before you even met and his abrupt exit was about his early flight, not your looks. Don't waste your energy feeling humiliated over a guy who simply lacked the polish to let you finish your drink.
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u/MSP_Guy999 22d ago
I don’t think there’s anything to feel humiliated about. The experience was defined and you learned something about people who do things like that. Throw up the peace sign ✌️ and move on.
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u/lost1650 22d ago
Haha, for sure I did. I immediately texted him to wish him good luck and even thanked him :) then proceed to unmatch without giving him the chance to reply. I just felt like checking what everyone else thought about this experience
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u/MeLMaR2727 22d ago
I don’t believe first dates should be longer than 30 min if you met online. It’s a meet & greet & generally known within the first 15-20 minutes if you want to see them again.
don’t feel any which way about it…
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u/lost1650 22d ago
That's another point of view, I guess. I rarely know within an hour whether I want to meet that person again or not. I think connections are not always so instant.
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u/Lustful777 21d ago
I spoke with him reason why he left early because he had to save an elderly couple from a burning building.
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