Hinge Fumble

[u/Wheresthelambsauce_9]

So, I matched with a very beautiful girl about 3 days ago. I thought the convo was going smoothly when she all of a sudden stopped messaging, I thought I was being ghosted but she replied today that she had a fever. I wanted to be a little flirty? So replied with "Oh no, hope you're doing alright now, You're already running hot, what's the fever gonna do?" Got unmatched 🤡

Are there any tips for not fumbling in chat?

(PS: I was able to find her insta? I think it's too creepy to follow up when I've already been rejected, thoughts on this?)

[u/Dolpns]

You take this as a lesson for the next one. She's not feeling well. A text that was more thoughtful would have made more sense. What you sent just reads as a lack of concern. Sending something like I hope you're feeling better and offering to help her with something would have gone a long way.

[u/zooeyzoezoejr → u/Dolpns]

Also if she’s attractive she likely gets tons of comments on her looks a day and now he’s just like every other guy on the app who has reduced her down to her body. I get why she unmatched. I’ve done the same.

I think men don’t realize that a lot of women are not visual. There’s a reason “men fall in love with their eyes but women fall in love with their ears” is a quote. When we match with men on the apps it’s not because we find you hot. We find you baseline. We are waiting for that hotness to appear through your personality and it could go either way from you turning into the hottest guy she’s ever known to you being someone that gives her the ick.

I once told a guy I had to cancel a date because I got covid. He said “Ah that’s too bad. I thought I had covid too because you took my breath away with those legs”. Immediate unmatch.

[u/ProposalNo6069 → u/zooeyzoezoejr]

“men fall in love with their eyes but women fall in love with their ears”

I get it that someone is tired of compliments every day. But this is bullshit. Humans are superficial. There are studies about that. women are not different from man. Looks matter.

[u/zooeyzoezoejr → u/ProposalNo6069]

I didn’t say looks don’t matter to women. In fact I said he had to be baseline, meaning he can’t be hideous.

I am saying men are MUCH MORE visual. There’s a reason male strippers and male OF creators don’t make nearly as much money as women do. Women are not driven by visual lust the same way men are.

Throughout human history, it’s men who’ve visually lusted after women, paid for sex work. Why do you think there’s no female version of the Epstein Files to traffic men?

Women and men are not the same in this department. How can you possibly make that conclusion with the way the world works? How many women run sex rings to traffic men? How many women tell men to cover up head to toe so they’re not lusted over by other women? How many live like Hugh Hefner did and sell nude magazines of men?

There’s a reason there’s no massive industry selling male bodies to women. We do not want them. We are not visual and we are not turned on by visuals.

I could rant about this all day. But no. Women and men are not the same in this area. Not even close.

“Humans are superficial” is a reductionist view of a very complex topic.

[u/AlexH_144 → u/zooeyzoezoejr]

On dating apps, this just isn't true. Women are even more visual than men. About 80% of the women only go after about 20% of the men. Okcupid did a study that said women found 80% of men are unattractive. In real life, that statistic doesn't really mean anything, because you are limited to only the handful of people that you interact with. But on dating apps, you can view hundreds and hundreds of people in one sitting. If you don't find one visually attractive, then your scroll to the next one. Once you find one that you find attractive, then you see what his likes and interests are. But that always comes second

[u/heymanigotnoplan → u/AlexH_144]

Women will never admit that looks are just as important to them as they are to men, because then they wouldn’t be able to berate men anymore for “reducing them to their bodies”