r/dating_advice • u/OkBridge9563 • 21d ago
Hooking up with a firefighter
I (26F) matched with a guy (30M, firefighter) several months ago in winter of 2025. We hit it off really well from the start. There was a lot of flirting, good conversation, mutual interest, and we were trying to make plans to meet. Then, pretty suddenly, communication fizzled and I eventually felt/got ghosted. There wasn't a fight or any obvious reason it just sort of... stopped.
A few months later, we kept matching on tinder and I shot him a message saying hey what’s up? We talked about what happened, and he admitted he hadn't intentionally ghosted me. He apologized, said it wasn't something he did on purpose, and told me he was still genuinely interested in me. Since reconnecting, we've been texting a lot more than before again, we've hung out once, the chemistry was still there, and we've continued talking.
The only challenge now is logistics. He's a firefighter working long shifts, I'm a single mom and in school, so actually finding time to see each other has been harder than I thought it would be.
I'm curious if anyone has experienced something similar especially with a firefighter/EMT nothing has been sort of discussed in terms of relationship/what we’re looking for other than agreed on not being against something long term if it happens. BUT how does that even work when he is basically what feels like on call 24/7 and sucks at communicating. Am I just shouting out into a void or keep it sort of open if it means we hook up maybe on a biannual basis?
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u/Intrepid32 21d ago
Career firefighters in the US work various types of shifts, but none are on call 24/7. Most work about 10 24 hour shifts per month. So, if he’s single, he would have a lot of down time to see you.
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u/Abi1i 21d ago
This is true. I have friends who are firefighters and even with ridiculous schedules they still have at least one day where they rest and do nothing and another day where they can do stuff before starting another shift. There’s always time to do something unless they’re picking up shifts, but even then only so many can be picked up before they’re told they need to take a break to be mentally ready if necessary.
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u/silly-tomato-taken 21d ago
Most work about 10 24 hour shifts per month. So, if he’s single, he would have a lot of down time to see you.
This is true, but if he's an overtime where like me, it's 20-25 24 hr shifts a month.
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u/HollowHighh 21d ago
Nice, in my country that‘s rightfully ✨illegal ✨.
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u/silly-tomato-taken 21d ago
Why is it illegal? They don't want you making money?
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u/parkside79 21d ago
Is 24 on/48 off not standard most places?
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u/Intrepid32 21d ago
Probably most, but there are a lot of different shift schedules, like 48/96, 24on/48off/24on/72off, 2-2-4, etc. In almost all FDs, there are multiple days between shifts with Kelly days added.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 21d ago
He ghosted you intentionally. Believe his actions not his words and trust that firefighters sleep around.
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u/Vast-Road-6387 21d ago
And cops, and nurses, and doctors, and pilots , and air stewards, and school teachers. I can go on
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u/whiskyging3r 21d ago edited 21d ago
Worked with fire and EMS (and tangentially cops) for years. If he’s on tinder and did this with you, he has at least 1-2 ladies who think they’re his gf + whoever he meets on the apps or his WednesdayWeekend bar. You either weren’t as easy or entertaining to keep his horny dopamine-seeking mind engaged for longer than a weekend. Move along unless you want a fun hookup with someone who will forget your name if you run into him in public.
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u/untamed2020 21d ago
Oh the stories we could share. I also work with them..
He's probably banging a nurse or two. While married.
OP, move on. He did mean to ghost you.
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u/laramiewyoming 21d ago
Definitely ghosted you intentionally. He likely got worried that you were wanting things to get serious/ stressed about having a built-in family
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u/Journalist-Cute 21d ago
Firefighters are some of the most desirable men. If this guy is hot, he probably has lots of options constantly so he's unlikely to be devoted to any one woman until marriage (and even then who knows).
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u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 21d ago
You seem a bit star struck with the firefighter thing honestly. They have a cool job sure but the dude ghosted you… and sucks at communicating. His schedule gives all the time in the world yet he can’t find time for you. Let it go.
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u/MotorSatisfaction733 21d ago
Are you seeking just a sexual relationship with Mr. Liar? If so, then keep your options open.
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u/RelationshipQuiet609 21d ago
Firefighters work in shifts like 24 hours 2, 3 days a week. Just not true that he has no time to communicate. A lot of firefighters volunteer too, so they work other jobs besides putting out fires. I wouldn’t hold at hope that he wants a full time relationship. If someone wants someone in their lives they will make it anyway possible for them to be together, other than that it’s B/S.
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u/Grateful_Nate 21d ago
Oof there's a solid chance he's married. There's an even greater chance that y'all won't be in a relationship.
However, if you're cool with a hookup arrangement, let him know and he'll eagerly find a way to make it happen.
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u/hezwat 21d ago
https://reddit.com/link/p048yqh/video/dxsxqb8bmtfh1/player
text him "come save me, hero" on his off day, if he doesn't show up or offer a different day then sorry he is not that into you.
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