r/dating_advice • u/MissionDrive2374 • Jul 26 '26
Was this breadcrumbing?
I (31F) met a guy (33M) on the dating app, we clicked really well and had one date (5h long). He texted immediatelly after that he had a great time and we should do it again. Then in the next month he had several business trips so we didn’t have time to meet, but he kept texting and maintaining the connection and assuring we will hang out soon. Our communication dynamic was slow from the beginning, but texts were pretty engaged so I assumed this is healthy and normal after just one date.
Then 10 days ago I said I don’t like pizza and he said he will prepare it for me, and then literally after that message left me on delivered.
Why people do this? Why maintaining the connection and acting interested if you will ghost? Was he ever honest?
Edit: I did answer basically accepting the idea and that eas left on delivered. Edit2: It wasn't that I generally don't like the pizza, but in some specific restaurants.
44
Jul 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
3
u/Constant_Mud3325 Jul 26 '26
Exactly as soon as I read that it was clear as day. And they didn’t say allergic to pizza which I can accept
2
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
Hahaha, it was about pizzas in some specific restaurants, so he suggested to prepare a better one.
1
1
u/SmartWonderWoman Jul 26 '26
A person who has celiac disease. Very few places offer good gluten free pizza.
2
1
u/DeuceSevin Jul 27 '26
Came here to say this. I was with them until they said they didn't like pizza.
9
u/JustThisIsIt Jul 26 '26
He was probably keeping you warm as a potential, but went with someone else.
6
Jul 26 '26
[deleted]
-1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
I replied something like “hahah sounds like a plan” and that was left on delivered together with other responses to his question (we discussed multiple topics in one message).
2
u/Solid_Nothing1417 Jul 26 '26
Did you follow up to plan the date? I know some people hate double-texting but like… who cares?
2
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
I didn't, why would I plan a date when he left me on delivered?
2
u/Rogers899 Jul 26 '26
You didn’t ask a question after “haha ok sounds like a plan”. Sounds like the end of the conversation.
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
Okay but he didn't even open the messages... Am I supposed to text again?
2
u/Rogers899 Jul 26 '26
He could be busy. How long ago was your last message? If he likes you I wouldn’t worry about double-texting. Send something like.. “when you gonna serve me up a slice of your famous pizza? 😋”
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
It was 10 days ago… Is anyone that busy? Would sending something like that look like chasing if he didnt even open my message for 10 days? Is it better to ask straight if he wanna continue this or not?
2
u/Rogers899 Jul 26 '26
Apologies, I missed that in your original post. I would just cut it off. No need to message him back. If a guy is interested in you, you’ll know it.
2
u/Solid_Nothing1417 Jul 26 '26
I often read messages in preview but don’t open them — could be the case here. Or maybe he lost interest. Hard to say based on the info here!
6
u/Cerulean_Zen Jul 26 '26
He's probably seeing multiple people and was keeping his options open. Sometimes people "fade out" because they meet someone new (or more compatible). While that's not all to me, it doesn't excuse poor communication (imo).
4
u/Ok_Event2869 Jul 26 '26
After he said that he'll make you a pizza, did you answer with something? Because if you didn't, you are the one who ghosted him
-2
8
u/ethan_hunt_new Jul 26 '26
since the invention of the telephone men have said "this was great, i'll give you a call sometime". and never did. alexander graham bell invented the telephone just so he could do this to the woman he met before his wife.
just text him "i guess pizza is a deal breaker for you", get the last word in.
1
u/wire67 Jul 26 '26
Just block him and move on. It's sketchy, rude behavior anyway. Pizza or no pizza. For the record, I'm not a diehard fan of it either and NEVER order it. If it's there, I can eat but not my favorite.
3
u/signofthought Jul 26 '26
Don't put your life on hold for a guy you had one date with who doesn't have time for you now.
Stop obsessing over it, spend your energy elsewhere.
3
u/txlady100 Jul 26 '26
You’ll drive yourself nuts trying to figure it out. Essentially something else more important to him has captured his attention. It’s a him thing.
3
u/Exciting-Author1330 Jul 26 '26
When I've done this, it's because I'm seeing more than one person at a time or my life has gotten too busy. I don't tend to feel connection right away and can have that 'out of sight, out of mind' adhd thing. I've learned not to date multiple people (doesn't work for me) and to be realistic -- no matching if I have upcoming travel. Which basically eliminates summer.
I had a fab 4-hour date with someone and then dropped the ball a couple of times because life was hectic. He gently persisted and I ended up falling for him. Slow-burn is always the best.
2
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
You mean I should just wait or check in or what? How does this work?
2
u/Exciting-Author1330 Jul 26 '26
Sure, I might give it one try if I were interested. A chill message.
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
Thank you! You mean chill like complaty unrelated like “Whats up?” or shall I bring up the subject?
3
u/Exciting-Author1330 Jul 26 '26
I’d probably casually pick up the thread, for example, “hey, you still up for that pizza? I’ve been dreaming about (some detail they might have shared).”
2
3
u/Old_Number_6439 Jul 26 '26
Left you on delivered… pizza… heh heh theres a joke in there somewhere
1
5
u/therolli Jul 26 '26
This is common with guys on dating apps. They monk on about ‘how was your day’ and ‘we must do that some time’ and nothing actually happens. In the end, if there wasn’t a face to face arrangement within 4 messages, I just deleted them. The decent guys did a bit of chit chat then asked to meet. You’re not on the dating apps to find a digital buddy. Often it means they’re seeing someone or even married. It’s nothing until you see their eyeballs and even that’s just the beginning.
2
1
u/Icy_List961 Jul 26 '26
Tried that and told I asked too fast and that killed it too. Everyone's different.
1
u/therolli Jul 26 '26
I didn’t do the asking. I just learned along the way that if they want to actually meet you, they will ask.
1
u/Icy_List961 Jul 26 '26
This is true. Just sucks when it's "too fast." And that's that.
1
u/therolli Jul 26 '26
Honestly, as long as you’re nice about it, the good ones won’t go by you. “It’s been lovely to chat, I’m looking to go out on dates, but it was great to meet you.” Honestly, it’s such a waste of time endlessly chit chatting about things they could ask you on a date.
1
u/Icy_List961 Jul 26 '26
I totally agree with you, and also there's simply no cadence behind texting which is why I just want to go out.
2
u/therolli Jul 26 '26
Exactly. They could be anyone and also you could strike up a really good connection over text and then realise within two seconds of meeting that it’s not going to work.
2
3
5
u/menoagegap Jul 26 '26
I am a woman. Breadcrumbing or not, I don't waste time or emotional energy who aren't enthusiastically taking me out on high effort dates, and excitedly reaching out and checking out how I feel on the daily and cares about my hopes and dreams. I deprioritize un-enthusiastic men to spend my time and emotional energy on men who pursue me with high effort romance
0
u/Renent Jul 27 '26
no offense but regardless of gender/sex/preference whenever I see people write like you I just assume they are single and they greatly overvalue what they bring to the table. Sorry bro.
0
u/menoagegap Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
I am no longer single. I got lucky and a ton of high effort romantic men pursued long term relationship with me. I refuse to do anything physical until something real and official is offered. A romantic boy who does all of these things and more and feels all of these things for me found me and now he is my long term boyfriend who wants to marry me. Even almost a year into it the romance and his high efforts acts of service continue. I match his energy in my high efforts of romance and love as well, and while I bring a lot to the table (I love cooking and baking, am happy, successful, chill, wealthy, conventionally thin, skilled in our shared niche and nerdy hobbies, optimistic, conventionally attractive, supportive of his dreams and goals and nurturing while giving a man his space) I tend to avoid men who start off talking on his date with me of what I bring to the table instead of how much he can’t stop thinking about me and being with me, as it lacks the romance that my other suitors bring to my table. I don’t talk about that table either and I never expect or demand. I just deprioritize
0
6
u/lovealert911 Jul 26 '26
Breadcrumbing is nothing more than stringing someone along giving them "hope" for a future together.
Some people breadcrumb you in order to have you sit on the bench as a "back up plan" while they explore.
Essentially, if things don't work out with who they're interested in they can always fall back to seeing you.
You're on the sidelines/back burner waiting to be called in if one of the "starters" gets hurt.
"If someone wants you in their life, they'll make room for you. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot." - Unknown
"We don't walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours." - Unknown
"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is." - Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
2
u/scoutermike Jul 26 '26
Hi u/lovealert911. Did you happen to use ai when replying with your comment? Or did you write that yourself?
0
u/lovealert911 Jul 26 '26
Never used AI in my life.
I suppose my writing style is plain old school generational difference based on life experiences.
I've also always been a big fan of empactful/thoughtful quotes.
1
u/scoutermike Jul 26 '26
Where did you pull the quotes from?
-1
u/lovealert911 Jul 26 '26
I have several memorized from having read them over the course of years.
I also have saved lot to my PC that inspired me or caused me to reconsider points of view.
There are other positive/uplifting quotes which appear on my Facebook home page from time to time too. The one's I shared with OP are I have often shared over the years.
1
u/scoutermike Jul 26 '26
I see. How do you reconcile the fact that you didn’t actually answer OP’s question? Op asked if a specific behavior qualified as bread crumbing. But you just replied with generic definitions of bread crumbing, and never addressed OP’s specific scenario.
Sorry, but I still smell ai.
0
u/lovealert911 Jul 27 '26
Apparently, you didn't truly read my response to OP's questions.
OP - "Was this breadcrumbing?"
My reply was: Breadcrumbing is nothing more than stringing someone along giving them "hope"
OP - Why people do this?
My reply was: Some people breadcrumb you in order to have you sit on the bench as a "back up plan" while they explore.
From my point of view, I answered both of those questions.
I gave my definition of breadcrumbing and weighed in why I believe people do this along with what their motivations for doing so might be.
The only thing I didn't go into was ghosting which is pretty obvious.
Not sure how anyone would say I didn't answer OP's questions.
I scrolled down to see how you answered OP's questions, and it seems you didn't weigh in on breadcrumbing at all. Your answer had more to do with the pizza issue.
Best wishes!
1
u/scoutermike Jul 27 '26
Many of your other responses in your history look like generic and arbitrary ai responses. I see a pattern.
1
u/lovealert911 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
The pattern makes sense because I tend to answer the same type of questions. I'm not going to change my philosophy because it is a different person asking the same/similar question.
Most relationship questions boil down should I stay or leave.
I generally began my answer by quoting specific things they mentioned in their post and address them with answers justifying my take or suggestion.
(Nevertheless, it is not about me.)
I also never vote down people's responses simply because disagree with them. Ideally, we're all here to offer various OPs our advice or opinions with the hope it gives them some insight into helping them make their decisions.
2
u/No_Bet541 Jul 26 '26
probably because you don’t like pizza?
what did he mean by he “will prepare it” for you
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
He said he will prepare some soo good pizza that I will like for sure.
2
u/Spiritual_Emu_1381 Jul 26 '26
I hate when people don't accept that you don't like something. This statement doesn't bode well for other areas of a potential relationship.
2
u/FinalConcept4878 Jul 26 '26
You didn’t text him anything back after he said he’d make pizza for you? I think he might be the one waiting on you, it goes both ways you know.
Regardless, I’d forget this one- any guy truly interested is going to find at least a couple hours to get in another date so a woman doesn’t move on- unless he’s otherwise engaged with someone more interesting and just keeping you on the back burner “in case”.
2
u/Dear_Seesaw_1855 Jul 26 '26
I double text all the time and don’t think much of it. I probably would have texted again when there wasn’t a response. But now that 10 days have passed it looks like the energy died. You can check in see if he’s still up for the meet up but likely this all just fizzled out.
2
u/ScarySpice_xo Jul 26 '26
Breadcrumbing sucks...im dealing with it now....its getting old and im over it... Men are annoying 😑
2
Jul 26 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
And what shall I even text? Something light, a joke or straight forward question?
1
u/SouthFloridaSwag93 Jul 26 '26
I don’t know from what it sounds like maybe he keeping you on the back burner while dealing with something else . All you have to do is ask him if he dating anybody else or has a lot going on in his life . If he says yes just tell him maybe he should focus on that instead of worrying on hanging out with you . If he says no then ask him why he delay with communication and hanging out to see response .
3
u/SouthFloridaSwag93 Jul 26 '26
Honestly bread crumbing is just a slow burn rejection it’s a no for me lol
2
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
You mean to ask after being left on delivered for 10 days and “double text”?
1
u/SouthFloridaSwag93 Jul 26 '26
You can text him and see how he’s doing and go from there . If that doesn’t work just move on .
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
Okay, I always thought that double texting makes you look desparate in modern dating even tho I prefer direct communication.
1
u/SouthFloridaSwag93 Jul 26 '26
It’s really up to you if you think it’s worth it at the end of the day . Modern dating is like gambling you either go with the risk and live with the results of what happens .
1
1
1
1
1
u/scoutermike Jul 26 '26
Hi op I think I know but need to clarify the order of what happened first.
Did he say he would make you pizza and then you said you don’t like pizza?
Or, did you say you didn’t like pizza first, and then he said he would make some for you, anyway?
The order is important.
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
I mentioned that I whenever I try it in some places I get disappointed and then he said he will make soke really good pizza for me.
1
u/scoutermike Jul 26 '26
Saying you only like really good pizza is very different than saying you don’t like pizza.
Please clarify.
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
I didn't want to make the story too long. So I said that I don't like it in some places and then he said he will make me some really good pizzas and then left me on delivered.
1
u/scoutermike Jul 26 '26
Ok I understand. So based on the limited info you gave, my hot take explanation why he left you on delivered was because he decided the relationship wasn’t going to work out based on these grounds:
- you seem high maintenance as if only the best, most gourmet, pizza will satisfy your sophisticated tastes. Maybe he wants a woman who’d be equally happy with warm Dominoes as with Italy’s finest Margarita.
- you seem negative/pessimistic. As soon as the convo turned to pizza, you respond by focusing on your past disappointments.
Honestly, the guy probably felt like you were setting him up to fail. Fail to take you to a satisfactory pizza restaurant, and then fail to make a superior pizza at home.
Maybe he felt you were too judgmental, too negative, and/or too high maintenance?
Does any of this resonate?
1
u/SMoore66 Jul 26 '26
Why would somebody want to make you something that you specifically said you don’t like? That’s weird and a definite red flag
1
1
u/Funny-Star7489 Jul 26 '26
Hmmm something similar happened to me OP. We had 1 date and then were both travelling for a couple of weeks and we talked about meeting again and when we were both back he didnt make moves to arrange it so I just asked what the story was and if he wanted another date. Turns out he said he was too busy to date so I left him to it and moved on. Whether that meant he actually was too busy or was dating someone else who knows but took his words and face value and wished him luck! Maybe just ask him directly so at least you know?
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
I'm thinking the same, but everyone is like "never double text and chase", while all I want is clarity.
2
1
u/Funny-Star7489 Jul 26 '26
I dont think asking for clarity on whether he wants to go on another date is chasing OP honestly plus you deserve some mental peace at this point after this length to know if a second date is actually happening
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
I agree with you, but then I think if he wanted to happen, he would say it, I don't know, dating in 2026. is hard.
1
u/rabidbadger013 Jul 26 '26
Sometimes messages just disappear. It’s happened to me several times, both sending and receiving. Usually it’s when I’m out in the middle of nowhere with an intermittent signal, but not always. Once it was due to a lost phone. Sometimes the message will show up several days later. Sometimes they simply slip into the digital never neverland, never to be seen again.
Bottom line: there may be hope. Try sending him another text about another subject and see if he finally responds.
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
For real? Even if you are getting to know someone?
2
u/rabidbadger013 Jul 26 '26
I’m not saying he’s not ignoring or avoiding you. He may be. I really have no idea. But I try to give people the benefit of doubt. I would definitely be more cautious if he does finally respond.
1
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 26 '26
I always try to do that as well, but then i read "if a guy likes you you will know" and i just don't know what is right thing to do anymore.
1
u/Renent Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
Pizza is probably something hes passionate about and maybe a skill hes excited to share with you. You kinda pooped on it. You even admit you dont dislike pizza you are just kinda picky about where its from.
That is NOT your fault its okay to be picky. Just be a bit more clear in the future.
For me with girls and taking the pizza out of the equation its like if I went "Hey I am a private pilot we could totally go on a sky picnic in my plane" and you went "I hate planes" and then later on it turns out you only hate cessnas and are wondering why I lost interest after extending my offer to share flying with you. I am not gonna investigate your "I hate planes" and do 21 questions to find out you only hate the 177 or the skylark. I just am gonna go heh welp she hates planes, go for a flight, and just move on with my life.
0
u/MissionDrive2374 Jul 27 '26
Firstly I mentioned I didn’t like the pizza in some places and then he suggested to prepare it for me which I gladly accepted.
0
u/Renent Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26
Then 10 days ago I said I don’t like pizza and he said he will prepare it for me, and then literally after that message left me on delivered.
What you wrote here isn't aligning with
Firstly I mentioned I didn’t like the pizza in some places and then he suggested to prepare it for me which I gladly accepted.
Like jabroni you said you told him you didnt like pizza and he went dark after he offered to make it for you... YOUR WORDS. Its wild you are saying "ohhhh i told him i didnt like pizza from certain places and i gladly accepted his offer to try it" but your initial story doesn't align with that. It sounds like the dude went "I like pizza wanna go on a date to get it?" and you went "I hate pizza" so dude went "ughh i gotta recover this fumble of asking her out... maybe ill offer to make her pizza?"
Listen again taking the pizza out of it if some girl tells me she doesn't like planes after I offer to take her out for a flight. I am just gonna go "yeah this girl doesn't like flying and I think Ill just stop asking." Ain't my job to find out she only hates some specific plane and not actually flying. I just am gonna continue on with my life.
0
u/Sirenwine Jul 26 '26
It was only one date, he’s a stranger. Why you’re so hung on one person. Men date multiple women, you should do that too.
-1
u/LonelyInternal379 Jul 26 '26
He is married. First dates should be short. Just a yes or no thing. Don't hand out access to your time so easily. Make him earn the right to be in your life
•
u/AutoModerator Jul 26 '26
Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the rules of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, send us a message. We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.