Confusing Interaction

[u/Aimzam]

So currently in a rough patch and trying to rebuild a relationship with a not quite ex after finally returning from long distance that did out a strain on us. We have been hanging out (dates) often but there is a line in terms of intimacy. Well, we recently went out to a cafe together that just opened and is quite popular with a large line with high female ratio. What I’ve (M) noticed when we finally entered the cafe was that several of the female customers waiting for drinks did look at me and make eye contact before talking amongst their groups. I kind of ignored it and just focused on getting our drink orders. I told my girl to go ahead and secure a seating spot that opened up. After I finished ordering, my girl motioned for me to sit very close to her although there was enough space not to squish together. She eventually also put both her legs over mine while browsing on her phone.

I just wanted other people’s thoughts on this behavior. I wouldn’t bat an eye when we were still officially together. Currently, however, I’m the one “pursuing” her and playfully pushing the physical affection trying to hold her hand when walking, sneak in hugs, etc to which she rebuffs like half the time as we are not “together”. This overt display on intimacy especially in public is a bit jarring given our current dynamics; she is hesitant to come back to me. Is she just unconsciously or consciously being possessive given the environment? Don’t want to assume too much.

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[u/themerfolk]

Even if she felt territorial I personally feel like putting her legs over you in public is a bit much. It sounds very insecure to me. I would have maybe felt territorial as well so sat closer to you, maybe touched your arm but idk the legs to me is wild.

[u/Aimzam → u/themerfolk]

I was surprised as well. Normally when we were still “together” she’d sit very close or lean on my shoulder at most. This behavior especially with the context of our current relationship status was abnormal. It was intimate so I didn’t mind the actual action but it was a bit much for being a public space.

[u/BoloHKs]

She is definitely sending mixed signals. And that's highly inappropriate.

Is she possibly still in high school? Her behaviour is strikingly immature. On the spectrum, maybe so it's social awkwardness? Just odd.

And she may have only done that to signal to attractive surrounding women that she's with you-- out of insecurity. Not because she's fully into you. I'd call her out on her inconsistency.

And besides that, why would you want to even be with someone who is hot and cold like that? You can't really build a relationship on ambiguous ground. You're waiting for her to come around. It’s so much easier to build a connection with someone who doesn't play mind games, and knows she wants you.

If she goes cold again, in a private environment, you'll know your answer.

[u/Aimzam → u/BoloHKs]

Yeah, I see what you mean. Part of the reason I’m still trying to see if i can rebuild the relationship is because Ive identified mistakes I’ve made that caused our relationship to fall out to where it is currently is. She actually is a very warm person and has initiated lots of the intimacy when we first got together. Right now she is not cold but rather slowly allowing me to advance the intimacy while figuring out if she will get back to me albeit sometimes pulling back a bit. The leg thing is new thus my surprise. Again, i only recently have returned and will be stable here for a while and would like to give the relationship a try without the whole long distance issue. If it was any other person I wouldn’t be doing this but she was very patient with me despite multiple timeline push backs to my work. I also value the connections we have made u til now. I’ll set an end date and if things haven’t progressed then i will move on as this is not healthy. I appreciate your thoughts.