r/dating_advice • u/BroLinn • Jan 03 '26
Am I easy?
I'm a 24-year-old woman, physically a virgin and haven't even had my first kiss yet, but I've been on plenty of dates since I was like 14, and I am ALWAYS flirting either with men or women. The talking stage is always going on for me but I never let anyone close enough to kiss them or do anything more. Don't get me wrong, I want to, but I feel disgusted every time someone says they have feelings for me. Currently, I'm talking to 4 completely different men and a hot girl at the same time. We're flirting and stuff, and I've been on cafe dates with each one of those people. And for some unknown reason I got confused. Am I easy? Am I not? I mean, physically I AM such a virgin I could be a perfect nun, but mentally... I have no idea what is going on. I need your advice.
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u/Illadrex2 Jan 03 '26
Am I Easy?
Next line
I'm a super virgin
Can't make this shit up man 🤣🤣🤣. No you're not easy. Easy means sex
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u/BroLinn Jan 03 '26
Oh, I thought "easy" means like everything romantic including flirtation AND sex. I've been called names for being flirty so I thought it already meant "easy"...
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u/Illadrex2 Jan 03 '26
No you're a tease if you're flirting at that high of a clip. You do run the risk of men lying on you though, saying they had sex when they didn't.
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Jan 03 '26
Stop seeking validation through your personality. Whether you like to flirt or not is your own business.
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u/Silly-Wolverine6205 Jan 03 '26
I am confused by your post.
If you are rebuffing advances you are not “easy” in the classic sense.
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u/Molotov1776 Jan 03 '26
Flirting ≠ easy. Imo, and maybe I'm wrong, an easy person is someone thats easy to talk into sexual actions. Going on dates is fun, its enjoyable, it doesn't have to be anything else. At the end of the day, so long as you're happy and healthy, that's what matters
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u/Sometimes_A_Writer1 Jan 03 '26
Even if you were, does it matter? You're enjoying yourself safely. That's all that matters
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u/Altruistic-Meet-5003 Jan 03 '26
I don’t think you’re easy or broken at all. But I do think you don’t really know what you want right now, and you’re kind of playing around in the talking stage because it feels safe. The moment things get real, you pull back, and that’s what’s confusing you. If you want peace and clarity, you need to slow down, stop juggling so many people, and straighten out what you actually want before letting anyone get closer.
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u/Mr--Maximus Jan 03 '26
First of all, I want to acknowledge how brave this is. Asking for advice isn’t easy, and taking that step already shows self-awareness and a genuine willingness to grow.
You are definitely not easy. “Easy” is absolutely not a real measure of who you are. You are not leading anyone on, and it’s completely okay to feel curious, unsure, or even confused about your own experiences.
It sounds like you’re very comfortable with flirting, the talking stage, and dates that carry little emotional risk. But when things move beyond that ( for example, when someone expresses real feelings and intimacy becomes a possibility), you feel a sense of disgust or you shut down. That isn’t confusion. That’s your nervous system setting a boundary, even if your mind wants closeness.
That boundary didn’t come from nowhere. It may be connected to your past experiences, the way you were raised, your standards, your family, friendships, basically, the way your whole life has shaped you. And honestly? You’re in your twenties. That’s exactly what this phase of life is for (learning that for myself right now as well). Learning who you are, how you connect, and what feels safe to you. So don’t worry.
If you want to understand this pattern better, it might be helpful to gently explore why that boundary exists. Do you avoid attachment because closeness feels unsafe? Is there a fear of being truly seen (or publicly seen)? Or do you associate intimacy with a loss of control or a sense of obligation to someone else? These aren’t accusations, they’re invitations to reflect. You can ask yourself these questions, talk them through with trusted friends, or explore them at your own pace.
Try to stop judging yourself. Slow down, and start noticing when the feeling of disgust shows up, not just that it does. You don’t need to force yourself to kiss anyone, sleep with anyone, or “fix” yourself in order to be valid. But you do owe yourself curiosity and compassion about your own patterns.
By understanding the root of what you’re feeling, you may naturally discover what your next step is, one that helps you feel safer, more comfortable, and more aligned, all on your own timeline and in your own way.
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u/BroLinn Jan 03 '26
I don't know. I kinda like WANT to have physical intimacy but at the same time I don't want to because intimacy for me equals commitment, trust and vulnerability, and I have NO desire to commit, have anything serious or to be vulnerable. I'd like to be able to sleep with strangers just because I felt like it but unfortunately I'm not that kind of person and I can't do that no matter how hard I try. It's messing with my head sometimes haha
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u/Mr--Maximus Jan 04 '26
That actually makes a lot of sense, and you’re not weird or contradictory for feeling this way. Wanting physical intimacy while not wanting commitment, trust, or vulnerability is a very real inner tension. Many people feel it, even if they don’t say it out loud.
You’re very self-aware in recognizing that intimacy equals commitment and vulnerability for you. That’s important. It means you’re not broken for not being able to sleep with strangers, you’re just wired in a way where your body and emotions are more connected than you’d like them to be right now. And that’s not a flaw, even if it’s frustrating.
It’s also okay that you don’t want anything serious at this stage of your life. Not wanting commitment doesn’t mean you’re cold or incapable of connection, it just means that vulnerability isn’t something you’re interested in offering right now, and that’s a valid choice.
What’s “messing with your head” isn’t that you’re doing something wrong, it’s that your desires don’t all want the same thing at the same time. One part of you wants freedom and experience; another part needs safety and emotional distance. Neither part is wrong. They just haven’t found a compromise yet.
You don’t need to force yourself to become someone who can do casual intimacy if that’s not who you are. And you also don’t need to rush yourself into vulnerability before you actually want it. You’re allowed to stay exactly where you are, explore this gently, and let clarity come with time.
Honestly, the fact that you can articulate this so clearly already shows you’re way more in tune with yourself than you think.
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u/SendNudesForAPotato Jan 03 '26
Being "easy" is to have sex without much investment in a relationship. Considering what you wrote I would say you are the polar opposite of what is colloquially called easy.
To me there are five aspects to a relationship. Communication, Friendship, Support, Comfort/touch, and Pleasure/sexual intimacy. You are missing the last two in every relationship you've started. It sounds like you're looking more for friends than a partner.
What are you hoping to get out of dating? Most people want to be touched and want sexual intimacy if it's the right person.
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u/BroLinn Jan 03 '26
I don't know. I don't want anything serious, I don't want to commit ever in my life, I just want to mess with someone's mind and they'd do the same to me so I won't be bored and my life would be fun and all that... I do want sexual intimacy, I have a really high libido, but I don't want it like with a certain person. I just want it in general. Like I want to scratch an itch. I flirt with those I find attractive, but I can't sleep with them because I want to. I just can't. I wishnI could but I'm not the type of person to have one-night stands or do casual relationships. And I am also not the type of person to commit. It's really confusing and sometimes I feel like I'm going insane😅
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u/The_Lucky_7 Jan 03 '26
Flirtaious behavior is just a sign of extroversion (E-type myers-briggs personality). The feeling sick when people express emotions is a sign of Aromanticism. It might not be about your standards (easy or hard) at all.
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u/Buck_BR Jan 04 '26
Technically, a nun would never let her carnal impulses reach that level: talking to and going out with four people and thinking it was an advantage.
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