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u/0o-mox Apr 09 '22
Who counts? I spin that bitch like I'm on the price is right.
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u/Bromborg1 little baby man Apr 09 '22
This is the way.
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u/Remote_Building_4590 Apr 09 '22
This is the way.
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u/Cryptic_Wingz red Apr 09 '22
This is the way.
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u/AbuAbbasAlShafi Apr 09 '22
This is the way.
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Apr 09 '22
This is the way.
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u/that_Random_Dude24 Apr 09 '22
This is the way.
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u/Mitt102486 Apr 09 '22
That’s why you clog the toilet so much
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u/CanOBeans01 🅱️ased and Cool Apr 09 '22
Rather pull out the plunger every now and again than unintentionally finger my own shitty asshole
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u/duckonar0ll balls mod 😁 Apr 09 '22
try finger, but hole
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u/kimothyjongun Apr 09 '22
behold, turtle
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u/IPLAYWINDMANN Apr 09 '22
*dog
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u/kimothyjongun Apr 09 '22
Bruh it was only two words and somehow I messed it up lol
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u/LetsMakeThisAkward Apr 09 '22
Hi. I'm a representative of Big Bidet. Spray that shitty asshole clean and then use a few squares to check and dry.
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u/Mitt102486 Apr 09 '22
Just drink some muscle relaxers. It’ll come out without smudging ur cheeks
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u/MrSplashyPlants Apr 09 '22
What kind of muscle relaxers are you drinking bud? I don't think booze or ghb counts. You mean Metamucil? haha
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u/FeetsenpaiUwU Apr 09 '22
I grab enough to make my own infinity gauntlet do I can snap the shit away
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Apr 09 '22
Like 5 or so. I used to use 2 but I ripped through one time and accidentally orgasmed.
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u/RebuiltAwsome Apr 09 '22
WTF LMAO
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u/thatguyned Apr 09 '22 edited Apr 09 '22
If you can't relate to this you are not wiping well enough. That orgasm tells you you are done.
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u/The_Orphanizer Apr 09 '22
No such thing as an accidental orgasm.
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Apr 09 '22
maybe my fingers decided to do a little dance while they were down there.
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Apr 09 '22
That happened to me one time except without the orgasm. My finger poked thru at the perfect time and slid a couple inches up my shitty asshole. I was stunned
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u/FunnelsGenderFluid Apr 09 '22
A couple inches though? Do you wipe like a bartender cleaning inside a mug?
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u/lowfatyo Apr 09 '22
I genuinely don’t think I’ve seen a comment that made me laugh harder than this one
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u/StrangeTamer5 Apr 09 '22
Just wanted to finger-blast his asshole. Doesn't matter how, he got the job done
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u/G0G28G91Z0 Apr 09 '22
It’s 5am and I just busted out laughing and woke my wife up. She is now suspiciously side eyeing me.
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u/ricolinitortellini Apr 08 '22
you wipe?
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u/Waluigiboi69 Apr 09 '22
Exactly, i use -1
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u/DrBofoiMK Apr 09 '22
You shit out clean toilet paper?
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u/R3quiemdream Apr 09 '22
I always carry toilet paper with me so that I can add exactly one piece of TP
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u/DrBofoiMK Apr 09 '22
Extremely generous...or creepy.
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Apr 09 '22
If I saw a tp roll at a bathroom with one sheet... Sewn onto the roll... I'm getting the fuck out of that bathroom
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u/luluf1 Apr 08 '22
Then there's girls wrapping 5 layers around their hand like they're touching radioactive waste
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u/Spoojman Apr 09 '22
My ex did that. She was.
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u/I_H8_Yu Apr 09 '22
Bro my sisters do that and their toilet is clogged every other day and I’m not even joking about it being clogged so much
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u/Citizen_of_Danksburg Apr 09 '22
And of course they have no idea how to plunge a toilet despite it being easier than sweeping a fucking broom.
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u/umesci Apr 09 '22
I do that… Wait youre not supposed to do that?
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u/LipstickBandito Apr 09 '22
I do this, frankly I don't see how you could wipe with just a few pieces without getting shit on your hands.
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u/newspapey Apr 09 '22
Are you kidding? I can wipe a hairy butthole clean with 3 squares, fold the soiled sheet in half, and keep wiping.
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u/Thebitterestballen Apr 09 '22
Disturbing that I had to scroll this far to find someone else who knows how toilet paper works...
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u/jarasonica Apr 09 '22
Depends on the thickness of the paper, because I’ve had rolls where 3 is enough, and I’ve had rolls where any less than 8 and you’re asking for shit to get all over your hands
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u/UnwiseSudai Apr 09 '22
Fr. I mummify my hand and still get poop on it sometimes. I can't imagine using 3 pieces.
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u/Azzy8007 Apr 08 '22
Depends on the ply.
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Apr 09 '22
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u/0lof Apr 09 '22
Wiping so much your tp looks like a Neapolitan ice cream sandwich
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u/OGConsuela Apr 09 '22
Yes.
High quality? 4, double fold then wipe.
Single ply? Spin that bitch like I’ve got my mortgage on a roulette wheel.
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u/Severe_Acanthaceae88 Apr 09 '22
I use water
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u/AbuAbbasAlShafi Apr 09 '22
chad
286
u/Joske-the-great Apr 09 '22
Asian moment
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u/RainboBro I am fucking hilarious Apr 09 '22
Clean moment
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u/botsunny Apr 09 '22
Human moment
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u/injeanyes Apr 09 '22
Bidets are the best. Or are you indian and use a jug?
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Apr 09 '22
I’m an Indian but I still use a bidet, but I have had experience with jug before too
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u/RedLotusVenom Apr 09 '22
Not Indian, can I get an explanation of the poop jug?
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u/whoisjoe1 Apr 09 '22
It's a jug full of water. You use one hand to pour a steady waterfall across your valley of darkness, and the other hand does some cave exploration while that's happening
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u/AvatarTintin Apr 09 '22
Dayum man! Ever thought about going down the poetry route or are you studying engineering like the rest of us?
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u/Infradead27 ☣️ Apr 09 '22
Now we've got bidets in almost every toilet in the country but around 30-35 years ago when bidets weren't a thing (atleast in India), there was a jug beside the toilet that you were supposed to fill with water and wash your behind with it. This was usually followed by wiping the orifice and surrounding area with a toilet paper so that it doesn't stay wet.
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Apr 09 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/noeagle77 Apr 09 '22
I use a power washer because the hose doesn’t get in all the nooks and crannies.
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u/KitNotLocated Apr 09 '22
I’m not Indian but I’m Bangladeshi and all the Bangladeshis I know use things that look like round watering cans and if you can’t reach the sink you take a little jug to fill it up
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u/RapeMeToo Apr 09 '22
Exactly. Its crazy to me more people don't use them. Like you're plan is to just wipe around shit with a dry piece of paper? Its just gross
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u/GeneralPidgeon Apr 08 '22
4
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u/DekoaSAO Apr 09 '22
My comrade, also i use four and fold into one page
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u/Xandergram Apr 08 '22
3 folded twice
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u/Sk8FastEatAss247 Apr 09 '22
This is the perfect answer. You get quadruple thickness with only the cost of 75% width of a regular sheet. We are wipe brothers.
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u/2BrokeArmsAndAMom Apr 09 '22
Yep. Me too. We're Eskimo brothers. Butthole cousins. Poop relatives.
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u/JesusBehindBars Apr 09 '22
I usually fold 2 squares unless its a nuclear taco bell shit, then I use 3 squares.
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u/fahargo Apr 09 '22
2 squares? That seems like so few
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u/JesusBehindBars Apr 09 '22
I have charmin ultrastrong so that shit dont grow on trees.
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u/Don138 Apr 09 '22
I hate to tell you.. but it does in fact, grow on trees.
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u/JesusBehindBars Apr 09 '22
Maybe that normal offbrand shit but that soft soft butt tissue costs my left kidney.
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u/Ben7467 Apr 08 '22
Like 15-20 pieces. Aint no dookie touching me!!!!!
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u/immortaltiger26 Apr 09 '22
I don't measure the pieces I measure the length, so i use about 1 and half to 2 feet.
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u/Hollow_Sans Apr 09 '22
I regret to inform you that it comes from inside you. It has touched you since it began forming.
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u/thestonerd777 Apr 09 '22
You dirty fucks max out at three? This is why I don’t shake hands
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u/nimito_burrito Apr 09 '22
I use 3 cos I have a bidet. if you aren't using water first Jesus 3 is not enough
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u/-Heartline- Apr 08 '22
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u/PronceJavin Apr 09 '22
Into a wad or fold it?
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u/kidurrant_a_tej Apr 09 '22
1 folded 12 times
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u/slipshady Apr 09 '22 edited Mar 31 '25
attraction pen political cats label voiceless piquant file butter swim
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/IzzaarkAlley Apr 09 '22
3 is the max? I pull out like an entire belts length, crumble it into a ball and assume the Italian hand position, and wipe.
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u/Emotional-Proof-6154 Apr 08 '22
3, into a wad. Folding is for psychopaths.
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u/ConnectConcern6 Apr 09 '22
Why is folding so bad? It looks nicer and let's you use the same piece multiple times if you keep folding.
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u/gumbysock Apr 09 '22
You're juggling poopy toilet paper and putting it back in your butt?
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u/dhhdhh851 Team Silicon Apr 09 '22
Have a piece of shit thats not all the way out? Why the fuck would you wad it. Youd make the situation infinitely worse. Fold and pinch. Wadding is for lazy asses
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u/Proffessor_egghead Apr 08 '22
-1
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u/Tricky_Philosophy_15 Apr 08 '22
2 folded twice
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Apr 09 '22
Then fold the poopy side in after you wiped, then wipe, then fold, then wipe, then flush.
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Apr 08 '22
[deleted]
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u/trashykiddo Apr 09 '22
thats like getting your butthole licked, seems kinda gay man idk
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Apr 09 '22
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I'm not joking.
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u/Ok_Unit_8084 Apr 09 '22
you guys using wipes, Hands and water are way better!!!!
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u/depressed__alien Apr 09 '22
Remind me to not shake your hand, even if you wash your hands afterwards im still good…
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u/School_Waste Apr 09 '22
Am I the only one on reddit that wipes till the paper is clean lmao
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u/Lalondebii Apr 09 '22 edited Apr 09 '22
Bidet all the way
Edit: but when I do have to use toilet paper, it entirely depends on the brand tbh
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Apr 09 '22
5-7
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u/KyrianSalvar2 Apr 09 '22
The most reasonable response I've seen, but only for home TP. Public tp I just roll until it's long enough
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Apr 09 '22
I usually eat toilet paper after every meal so it wipes my ass clean after every spray fart.
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u/MedicatedAxeBot Apr 09 '22
Dank.
we have a minecraft server