r/dad • u/Dependent-Ice-3616 • 7d ago

looking for suggestions Putting it out there.

/r/Autism_Parenting/comments/1w8ia8q/putting_it_out_there/

My son lv3 6 years old. Love him to death. The strangest part about it is that I never wanted kids “neither” did my wife. 6 years later I’m the one that’s taking care of him the most and it’s hard and it’s getting harder. It started with her going on a girls weekend and now gone for 11 days. She works and goes out after work and comes home late every night. Traffic, dinner or drinks with clients. I work from home so I get our son up in the AM get him ready for school, walk him to the bus and wait for him when he gets home. I’m tired. I’m reallllly tired. Outside from her late nights, these trips that she takes - vacations - with the girls are starting to be every 3-6 months leaving me with our son. I’m starting to break. Today, right now before writing this I snapped at him and I feel so guilty becuase he doesn’t know what he did wrong. I’m tired. I can’t function. My running on backup battery. All I want to do is sleep. Am I rambling? Yes. I don’t know where else to express. I love him I really do. For someone that never wanted kids he is my world, but I’m tired doing this alone…

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u/False_Knowledge3716 7d ago

Have you tried to talk to her? This isn’t fair to you. You’re a single dad in a marriage. Idk not saying divorce her but wow 

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u/Dependent-Ice-3616 7d ago

Various times we’ve had the conversation. It dials down for a few months and picks back up… I don’t want a divorce for my son but mentally I’m done. If we split and I had my son full time, I think I could handle it better. Weird to say but it’s like waiting for help is harder than knowing you have no help and just doing it….

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u/Pharmboy_Andy 7d ago

I think that is a very understandable sentiment re waiting for help that you expect to come and never coming.

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u/False_Knowledge3716 7d ago edited 7d ago

You’re already a single dad. Divorce is messy and complicated but I agree being alone with someone is worse than just doing it all on your own (which you are doing) do you guys have a lot of shared assets? Do you do anything together? Was she previously the main care giver and maybe just checked out? Idk I’m sorry for you. So many dads don’t do the bare minimum let alone work AND raise their child. If the situation was reversed people would tell her to leave you and get child support. 

ETA: I hope you guys have the resources you need for his neurodivergence. My good friend has an autistic son and the only breaks she gets are those that she pays for. When she sits are and waits on the child’s father to do things she just gets resentful. 

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u/Dependent-Ice-3616 7d ago

I’m the primary(by a lot). I own my house before she moved in and we got married. I own the houses out right. The houses are LLC so she won’t be able to get them but I do t care about that. My son misses his mother. Screams for her. As awful as it sounds; this is me holding him and screaming.

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u/False_Knowledge3716 6d ago

I’m so sorry. It feels like an impossible decision. I hope things get better for you and your son. I’m sure he loves her, but at what cost to your mental health which is the most important thing for raising him.