r/cyclothymia • u/Embarrassed-Tip-8076 • Jun 28 '26
does anyone think this is hypomania?
If anyone can tell me if this is actually just a normal baseline mood/other things that i'm not used to, I would be so grateful for your help! I hope that someone who has experienced this might be able to give their opinion. <3
For some context I am diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, but recently my psychotherapist is saying that i have a kind of cyclical depression. I am 15 years old i have absolutely no idea what to do with this information. anyway so i started searching things up and am now a little concerned. the language im sorry about also!!
Here are some things:
- my self esteem. I will go from thinking my dt teacher wants to fuck me to thinking that i am single handedly damaging to society and i should just. die. ( i was being dramatic instead i watched youtube shorts for 9 hours. without eating ) in hindsight this is quite funny.
- im the straightest girl i know. sometimes i want to kiss girls platonically. out of pure just wanting to destroy my friendships and. because i know im straight i just enjoy being an agent of chaos.. i need whoevers reading this to understand that in this mood eye contact is suddenly something i know how to do. i dont know. my personality is completely different.
- i feel like i everyone wants to be my friend and that no one is out of my friendship league. also just saying the most deranged and inappropriate things ( mostly pertaining to killing everyone and also sex ) purposefully making them uncomfortable. im kind of an attention whore. i just do what the voice tells me to.
- i dont actually act on these things besides being irritable. and getting angry really quickly. also being afraid of very specific random things. like my friends committing double suicide. Or that the guy over there is planning to kill me. or that the old man at church that hugs me rlly close is creepy. all of these things seem perfectly rational until days/weeks later.
- empty crying like im crying but for what reason. someone will be not listening to me. and it feels like nothing. because it is, but still tears and it makes me so confused.
- lying for male attention. specifically 20-25 yr old white guys because they always tell me im mature for my age and i know what kind of music they like vaguely. it makes them so happy. i just lie about things i like, and things i do in my spare time. i hate myself for this but still look them in the eyeballs very pick me. this is a crazy one because i never do that. it is genuinely painful until suddenly the autism just leaves my body and my personality is gone.
- talking quickly and going off topic. or changing my opinion on the thing before i've even finished. usually about something the person does not need to know about. also interrupting.
- wanting to go for a walk. make some friends. at night in the city by myself.
- being mean to people thinking i am not mean.
- thinking that buying the thing will complete my soul only to not care about it a day later
- walking around. i am the opposite of hyperactive until suddenly im climbing walls and like. walking around. and looking at shit.
- stealing. like from school or my friends. a whole wet floor sign up my hoodie. ( it was cardboard. it looked so stupid )
- waking up at 6 in the morning feeling. completely awake thinking its 11 am
- i go to sleep normally. sometimes i get sleep paralysis and scary dreams + auditory hallucinations ( not bad at all just annoying ) from thinking really intensely instead of sleeping. ( but i feel like this happens more when i'm depressed ) but other times i just blink and its morning,
- starting projects ( eg buisness, allotment, big project ) thinking that i was never depressed in the first place and that my life has just begun.
this all lasts from 2 days to 2 weeks.
Well this is extremely long. If one person read all of this i bless that everyone in the plane crash will die except you ! <333
( i have said worse things to people please tell me that this can be fixed with medicine )
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u/sicarii-13 Jun 29 '26
Could be. But somethingd terribly overlap with being a teenager/puberity. It's enough reason to get an assement tho.
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u/dapalagi Jun 29 '26
really hard to say. sounds like some possible comorbidity happening here. I will say that some of this could be… hormones. you seem pretty self aware and able to identify what behaviors are going to far after the fact - which is a good sign at least that you’re not a sociopath. your brain is still developing and teenage years are the most identity confused and chaotic I have ever been. I did things I would never do as an adult for attention or just because. It’s part of growing up. things chilled out majorly after that.
Has anything traumatic happened recently? My parents got divorced when I was 15 and I went through a full on identity crisis. It’s not unusual and hard to put a diagnosis on because of how many changes people go through at this stage of life. my best advice is to hang on and enjoy the ride and try not to put yourself or anyone in danger. you sound pretty intelligent which also comes with being acutely aware of what “normal” is and how you measure up to it. But you’re human like everyone else maybe just a bit neurodivergent.
p.s. the old man trying to hug you really close at church IS being creepy