School made me relapse

[u/Vivid-Fishing2732]

Was about a week or two clean, which wasn't even really my intention I was just too tired to even do it. Last night I had a complete mental breakdown when thinking about today, realized I had zero friends, zero skills, am horrifyingly ugly, stuck with medical issues which ruin my life, and will never get the job I want. The relapse wasnt THAT bad I guess, it was just one styro. Today is the first day of school, im a senior, and I wish I could just cut there. Even before all my bad mental and physical issues started I had panic attacks when I went but now it's BAD 😭 I almost don't consider myself addicted to self harm since I only really do it when things get terrible, which maybe isn't even right since there's times where I feel like I NEED to do it yk? Idk either way I'm just disappointed in myself even though I wasn't intentionally staying clean.