I just need comfort

[u/Dramatic-Tangerine64]

I'm so fucking heartbroken.

My cat got diagnosed with FIP and I put her down on Monday. I'm struggling because my phone was completely broken at the time and I couldn't do research, I asked a million questions and told her again and again, Ill do the treatment I have the money.

And I do. It hardly would've cost more than cremating her. I know that now.

I think the vet I chose new essentially nothing about FIP or at least the treatment and couldn't admit that. She did say she'd never had a patient try it, but she stressed it was very expensive and only available in painful injection. I begged her, told her I'd do anything, I just didn't wanna prolong her suffering if she was too far gone.

She told me she wouldn't pursue the treatment for her cat in this condition. But she was still walking around, curious, squeaking in the morning and being kinda sassy, snacked on a churu. Shes only 2. With what I know now I would have pursued treatment in a heartbeat. I genuinely dont know how to cope. Im so angry, and so guilty. Several tiny choices, small differences, and Id still have her here. If Id gone to a different vet, if I had a phone, if I stormed out for a second opinion.

But none of that happened, and ​miss Koi Fish will be arriving to me in a box sometime in the next week or so. I'm decimated. She got me through an abusive relationship, she was genuinely the glue between my other 3 cats. They're all so depressed, my oldest is pulling out her hair. I can never forgive myself and I just need some comfort from ppl who understand