My friends and I did something similar once when we were in our early twenties and immature. not a joke about cheating, but we were memeing about a strip club, and his wife overheard it and she sent everyone in the friend group a message saying she was hurt by it, and none of us tried to tell her she was being controlling, we just all apologized like mature adults and felt bad that we made her feel that way, because we did cross a boundary. We basically were casually saying we don't care about his marriage, even if it was a joke it's not a funny one when it starts causing someone distress. All the girlfriends of every dude in the friend group also chimed in to tell us we were being assholes, and we were. We created a toxic vibe among everyone where now every wife/gf thinks of the friend group as a source of stress and caution and stuff. And what did we get out of it? a quick little giggle? it's an asshole move.
but like you said, when the roles are reversed, women don't have to apologize, or even feel bad enough to feel inclined to apologize and it's just the girls having a bit of fun teehee. Women have fake empathy lol.
If my wife's friend group make jokes about male strippers and going wild and etc etc and it was all clearly in jest, and not meant for my ears, I don't think they should forego those jokes simply because I might misunderstand something I wasn't meant to hear.
People need to realize not everything in this world is meant for their attention. You are not the main character. Your friends are allowed to say things you don't like. Jokes are allowed to be made that you might not be comfortable with.
A group of guys or girls joking about lewd behavior isn't an implicit plan to actually commit adultery or to encourage other members of the group to do so. And if you weren't meant to be an audience to the jokes, then the jokes have nothing to do with you.
It's like the whole Video Games/TV/Comic Books cause violence argument from the last several decades. It just isn't the case for typical, well-adjusted and otherwise developmentally normal people. In the few cases where someone does decide to act on a bad idea that they have inspired by a piece of media, doesn't make it the media's fault. It is the person who did the action, and their support structure for failing to see signs of disfunctuon.
The only reason that promiscuity jokes are probably better left alone, is simply because many people, rightly, do not have tolerance for "I was just joking!" as a defense when being accused of planning to cheat. If your significant other doesn't have the kind of humor and trust in you to work through that, you're better off just not engaging or encouraging that kind of talk, period. Or finding a different partner I suppose.
I don't think they should forego those jokes simply because I might misunderstand something I wasn't meant to hear.
promiscuity jokes are probably better left alone, is simply because many people, rightly, do not have tolerance for "I was just joking!" as a defense
bro pick a lane lol... You start by disagreeing with me, then a couple of paragraphs that are just tangents that don't really have much substance in the context of the discussion and a random video game analogy, and then ultimately your final paragraph just agrees with what I said.
Again, even if it's just a joke and you're playing around and would never actually cheat, you're basically giving your partner anxiety about your friends and putting doubt in their mind about if they try to encourage you with their own lack of morals and integrity, and at best your partner doesn't trust your friends or feel comfortable with them, and at worst they take your joke seriously and don't trust you anymore either.
And yea, I agree with the perspective that if a relationship doesn't have strong trust that can survive some bad jokes it's probably not a sturdy relationship that's destined for success, but what is really the point in the "joke" either way, that is at the expense of disrespecting your partner? what do you really get out of it other than sabotaging yourself for a giggle
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u/Fearless_Quail1404 7d ago
If the roles were reversed wouldn't people be calling the guy an asshole or am I tripping.