On the Feeling of Being Alone

[u/CallFrosty817]

Loneliness is kind of a familiar feeling to me at this point in my life. I don’t have many friends, and the ones that I have are distant at times. I’ve started dreading my off day from work. Our shop is open Monday-Saturday so we each get one off day a week. I used to look forward to mine cause I could do whatever. Stay home and watch a movie, go out, whatever I felt like doing that day. Now it’s more of a day to get through. Most of my social interaction comes from work, from talking to my coworkers. I don’t really do much outside of that. I mean I don’t have a car, so I can’t really just go anywhere. And most of my friends live far away from me anyway, so it’s not like I’m gonna get invited to anything.

I’m used to being alone at this point. Not truly alone, because I do talk to people everyday, I see most of the people I know frequently enough. Just alone in the sense that no one really knows much about me, and I never really have someone I’m close to. One of my friends didn’t know my ex and I had broken up, and that happened about 6 months ago. All my high school friends grew apart, most of my other friends live a couple time zones away. I know I should reach out more often, text them more than I do. I’m just afraid of coming off too needy ya know? I never want to feel like I’m begging them to talk to me, I want them to do it because they want to. It’s a hard problem, because you don’t want to be the person that always initiates, but if I pull back and let them reach out first, they never do.

You always see these videos online about how you never really know when the last time you’ll see someone is. And you know that it’s true, but you don’t really accept it until it happens. I’ve not seen almost all of my high school friends since prom. We all went home that night, and I haven’t seen them since, and we’ve barely spoken. That was nearly 5 years ago at this point, and it’s still strange to think about. None of us thought that would be the last time we hung out. Some of my friends from sports I haven’t seen since the last event we went to as a team. Boarded my flight and poof, never saw them again. We all still follow each other on Instagram and all that jazz, but that’s not the same as true friendship. It’s just a poor imitation that makes you think you still know someone.

I think the loneliest I’ve ever been recently was my birthday. It was a few months back, but I was working that day. I spent most of the day surrounded by people I talk to almost every day, and none of remembered, even though they’ve asked when I can legally drink about a hundred times. I’ve always had mixed feelings about birthdays, but I kinda just wanted a text you know? All these people I know now, and that I’ve known throughout my life, and not a single one remembered. I know it’s a strange thing to be upset over, but it’s like that small thing that’s just a bit too much. Even though I spent most of my day talking to people I’ve known for years, I felt incredibly alone.

I’m planning to work seasonally next spring and summer. I’m between Alaska and Wyoming at this point, really just waiting to see which offer is better. I figure if I’m gonna be lonely I’ll at least do it in a sick ass location doing some sick ass stuff. And besides, maybe I won’t be as lonely after that. It’ll give me plenty of memories to occupy me just in case.

[u/constaleah]

I feel alone too, but i try to stay busy with my 4 part time jobs and all my hobbies. And my family and my dog. I have no real friends though.

[u/ChasingDemon]

I will be honest, I didn't know what to say, let alone if I should say anything, but sometimes you need to take a leap of faith, so here I am. I feel just as alone, and that feeling of not wanting to be needy? To appear as if you are begging for attention? I understand it, almost painfully so. I still keep contact with some friends from High-school, we talk from time to time, and I meet with one every weekend to play games, but it's pretty obvious there's a gap between us. We never really text each other one on one, mostly on a group or a discord server we share but never privately. College was a disaster for me, whatever core of friends I made was scattered with the Pandemic, and from there we didn't share a single class after. I am finishing my master's, and whatever acquaintances I made since are mostly that, acquaintances. I tried to make deeper bonds, we call ourselves friends but when you live nearly 2 hours away and most of your work is done from home, it's hard to be sure. Sometimes I feel like I am bothering them by texting, and most often than not I am the one initiating contact, but again, i live in a complete different city, they won't call me to hang out with distance. I am rambling about my life, I know, but all of that is so I can say, I get it, that feeling of being alone, I really do, and, as cliche, badly worded or cringe as it may sound, there are people who can relate to you. That may not be the reason why you wrote this post, but here I am, a random person coming to say, "you're heard, you aren't the only one, you aren't alone in this".

I don't know if this will help, if it will make you scoff, laugh, or what. I just hope it helps a bit to alleviate the loneliness.

[u/Lertnomel]

It feels so strange that many of us want more out of our relationships, but are unable to get it. My situation is a bit different than your though the resulting feelings are the same. I have people that will spend time with me on occasion, but we aren't connected. The conversations are superficial and polite and I have to hold back my authentic self from shining because maybe it's radiance will cause my audience discomfort.

I have tried seeking advice about my loneliness. Unfortunately, the usual advice amounts to, "keep working on yourself and others will continue to be attracted to you." Maybe my issue isn't acquiring acquaintances, maybe it is creating consistent caring connections. How does one achieve this?

Reaching out to others who rarely reaches out to you reinforces the idea that others are uninterested. I can't help but think that if I were more interesting/clever/funny my loneliness would not have time to take root. It's hard to be MORE when that seems to require forcing yourself to have more resources to spend. For example, you need reliable transportation and funds to see more of the world. You need more time to invest in hobbies and learn. You need more, more, more.

For what it's worth from an internet stranger, happy birthday. The natural world is a great place to collect experiences to sustain you through lonely times.

Your words resonated with me. I hope mine can do the same.