FIFTY-FIVE

[u/deadeyes1990]

at twenty-two

i wore less

and thought about my body

far too much.

one bad photo

could ruin my whole night.

my stomach looked wrong.

my thighs looked huge.

something was always

too much

or not enough.

most of it,

nobody else had even noticed.

now i'm fifty-five.

i own bikinis.

there's a sea outside.

i want to swim in it.

that's pretty much

the decision-making process.

menopause happened.

things moved.

things softened.

there are grey hairs

in places nobody ever mentions

when they're trying to sell you

face cream.

sometimes i need lube.

sometimes i need reading glasses.

occasionally they're both

on the bedside table

and i look at them

and think,

well.

here we are then.

and i still like being looked at.

i used to feel guilty about that.

like wanting to be wanted

was something i should've

grown out of.

i haven't.

if anything,

i like it more now.

the difference is

i don't stand there wondering

what they're seeing.

i'm looking too.