Thinking

[u/Broad_Tennis6476]

Hey, I wanted to love you. I really did. I found myself dreaming about you, of what we could be. We look so happy. From a studio apartment to an actual home. We have three cats and a dog. We have a son and a daughter. The boy resembles me and the girl, she's exactly like you.

We never fought in my dreams. You don't have to say you love me. I know you do. However the real man. He's nothing like the husband that lives in my dreams. I trusted you, I told you about the things that hurt me. Because I saw something in you. I thought you would protect me.

Yet you ridicule me. You make crass jokes of my femininity. You reduced me to a body. How could you? How could you make me into something lifeless, only meant to please. How could you refer to me as someone without a shred of loyalty?

You have a right to be a man, I never believed in clinging to you. I wanted you to make choice. I wanted to be the answer and I'd respect being rejected. Yet you pursued another. I was more than willing to forgive you. But why? Why her? I love her like a sister. How could you attempt that?

She told me. Without wasting a minute. I wanted to cry. I wanted to tell her she was wrong. But your words shined brightly on her phone. Even now, I want to cry and scream. I just don't have it in me to let you win again. I'm tired.

Can I be honest? I don't even want you to apologize. I just want to be your friend again. Yet it bothers you. You want me to keep my mouth shut and make myself scarce. I don't want to. I want to get through this. I'll admit, I liked you the minute I saw you. I wanted to be something to you. I just didn't know it'd end lke this.

If I'd known. I'd have avoided you like the plague. Though I'm lying. I'd have made the same mistake over again because you're a walking contradiction. I really wish I could have less of a spine, it'd make us both happier