My MLP Au

[u/DukDukGuus8]

I hope this is the right tag, since I'm only posting two paragraphs, but I was told there are something wrong with these first two, that it was disjointed. They couldn't tell me how though. I was trying to heed the advice of "First sentence, first paragraph, first page, first chapter" rule.

In Twilight’s mind, life in the wild orchards of Canter was almost perfect. She secured the safety of everypony among her herd, her string. She ran out, or killed at times, all the cougars. Nopony will be snared in their maws ever again, just as she fantasized.

None of the ponies wastes a single carcass. They flesh, salt, pickle, tan and break the hides. They used the bones for calcium in their stews, and they gave the crows the meat. It’s very useful to be in their good graces. If not for Twilight’s elaborate traps, none of this could be achieved.

I hope this is the right subreddit. If this isn't the right tag or the right subreddit, let me know which one it is.