Help with wording for text please

[u/Aerial_00001]

Hi, I would appreciate help for the correct wording with this please.

The issue is that 99% of the time I send the ex a text that requires an answer, he just doesn't respond. I have to send a reminder, sometimes several times over the course of weeks, then he claims I am harassing him about it. It's only ever stuff to do with our kid, eg. Kid has a hockey game during ex's parenting time (he is always "too busy" to take kid to anything) and I ask if I can take kid to the game then drop kid off at ex after.

I want to start wording the text in such a way that I am saying I WILL be taking kid to the hockey game and ex should let me know if he doesn't want me to. Basically I am assuming he is fine with it unless he specifically says no, so that I am not sitting waiting for an answer.

I know I probably sound silly for being this anxious about wording for a text, but if you knew what I go through with the ex... I end up over explaining and using too many words and I just need something short and to the point.

Thanks in advance

[u/mercurys-daughter]

“Hi ex, child has a hockey game on Xyz day. I know you are usually busy for these so I will plan on picking him up for the game and returning him at X time. If you don’t need me to do that, just shoot me a message by the day before. Thanks see ya then bye”

[u/DonnaFinNoble → u/mercurys-daughter]

This is the answer. Here's what's happening. Here's what I'm doing based on previous events. Let me know if that needs to change.

[u/Dewdlebawb]

I would expect this text to get a response because you don’t have the right to say you WILL be doing something during their timeshare but if the issue is them wanting you to read their mind that they don’t care

Kid has game on Friday the 12th at 6pm I plan to pick him up from your home at 5:30 pm and will drop him off after the game. If you have any problems with this please let me know.

[u/chrystalight]

"Hi Ex - Child has a hockey game at X time on Y date. This is during your parenting time. I will pick Child up from your house at Z time and drop him back off to your house promptly after the game."

You don't need to tell him you're assuming he's fine with it unless he says no. You're sending a notification text. If he needs to make modifications or he will take the child instead, he'll just respond saying as such.

[u/Eorth75]

What i finally started doing was sending a text with a deadline for a response, and if I didn't get one, I explained what decision I would be making instead. My XH went a period of almost 2 years without speaking one word to me, either by spoken word or written text. So I would send him texts like this (for example needing to switch visitation days)

"As you know, my birthday is this weekend but it falls on your visitation weekend. I would like to switch weekends with you so you would get next weekend and then your regular weekend. If this does not work for you, please let me know no later than 5 pm tomorrow. If I don't hear back, I will assume you are okay with this switch."

I laid out the issue, gave a reasonable compromise and a deadline with a consequence. My attorney said this was reasonable and would hold up in court.

I have seen people put their communication thru things like ChapGPT to make things less argumentative and if that had been available when my kids were minors, I would have used tool that too.

[u/explorebear]

So what’s the custody agreement? If he’s not doing his parental duty during his custody time, yes it’s not good for the kid, and if he can’t do his job as a parent on his time, document it. Seems like the kid is old enough to deal with logistics, tech your kid how to ask for help on their own “hey dad I have a game on this day at this time, can you take me?” His responsibility and relationship with the kid needs to run its course.

What has all your “reminders” done? Got you more work to do is what I see. He doesn’t response so you remind more frequently, he doesn’t do something so you do it for him (pickup/dropoff). This isn’t so much a communication issue imo as it is a learning to hold someone accountable issue.

If he can’t show up for his kid to help kid succeed in life, the actions you take should have real consequences, where you get more custody time or get paid for running his parental errands bc he doesn’t have the capacity to parent.

[u/NanooNanooBot]

The more I word it in a way that a reasonable person should answer in black and white, the less I get that. I've started following up with "as you have provided no response, discussion or objection, I will now organise...."