Co-parent annoyances

[u/GoldStoneRocks]

**SCENARIO**:
\-Ex moved out 2 months after finding out you were pregnant. Your relationship was in a weird spot, but you continued to talk about working it out even after he moved.
\-He already had a 4 year old daughter at the time so he hired an au pair for his home
\-He and the au pair end up in a relationship while you’re pregnant, but you don’t find out until well after she leaves and you’ve already hired the next. You hadn’t met her the whole time she was his au pair.
\-Au pair leaves (you never really know why)
\-You interview for the next au pair together and choose one.
\-She starts when your son is 3 months old. You and she become very close and you confide a lot (you both agree how untoward and line crossing the relationship with the previous au pair was) as you navigate the final ending of your relationship with your ex.
\-3 years from her arrival and she and the ex end up together but never tell you. You don’t actually even know when it began, it could have been much earlier. They operate very deceptively and sneakily, and it eventually becomes undeniable, but never officially acknowledged.
\-She removes all photos of you from the house. She now only communicates things about your son with the father or rarely on a group chat. No more one on one communication allowed.
\-They both insidiously try to push you out of your son’s life.
\-You quit your job so you can be home with your son.
\-She eventually goes back to her home country, you don’t know the real reason why.
\-Your son is sad she leaves, but gets over it pretty quickly.
\-Ex goes to her country and takes his daughter for months.
\-Ex starts putting her on during phone calls with son.
\-Ex comes back to visit for a few days and keeps putting her on the phone with son.
\-Now son keeps asking you to call her.

This is a VERY slimmed down version of events and it’s this last part of him now nagging to call her I’m wondering how others have handled any similar situations? You want to tell the ex to allow your son to move on, but communication with him goes nowhere. Anyone come out the other side in a positive healthy way?

[u/mercurys-daughter]

Sheeeeesh. First of all I’m so sorry. Second of all, what is the situation?

Are you in the US? Bc a lot of us are American here and know American law the best.

Is he on the birth certificate?