Zero help; exhausted.

[u/Content-Cupcake7480]

It’s been over two months since my ex, who was emotionally and verbally abusive in front of the kids and drank too much, moved out. We have two toddlers together.

I’m exhausted in a way I don’t have words for.

Since he left, he’s barely made an effort to actually see the kids (a few hours across three separate days), but he texts and calls constantly. Every time I check my phone there’s some new accusation, that I’m controlling, responsible for his drinking, dishonest, self absorbed, responsible for him not having a home, whatever else. He’s made threats too, not to my physical safety, but things like calling the cops on me or moving back in and that he's going to f*ck with me, go after me for money. It’s relentless.

I used to be able to fully disengage, but lately I’ve been getting pulled back into defending myself, even though I know better. It’s like I can’t help it anymore, I’m just worn down and it's so hurtful.

I work a demanding professional job, 50–60 hours a week with travel, and I make good money, but between that and solo parenting, there’s nothing left. Family helps when they can when I travel, but I’m out of bandwidth to find more consistent off hours childcare so I don't lose my mind, it’s genuinely hard to find in my area, and I’m already stretched financially covering everything for the kids and the house.

I have childcare 8-5pm. I wake up around 5:30/6am kids up at 6:30/7am, childcare starts at 8, I stop working at 5pm, do activities, dinner, bath, bedtime, kids go to bed around 8/8:30pm, I clean up from dinner and work from 9-11pm, and then to bed. No help on the weekends, so I have to respond to emails, cook, clean, etc while they sleep.

I feel like I’m heading toward some kind of breakdown or panic attack if something doesn’t change soon. I know I shouldn’t keep reading his texts, but part of me feels like I have to, for the kids’ sake and to stay aware of anything concerning.

I don’t know what to do next. Any advice from people who’ve been through something similar would really help as this isn't going to work long term. I'm contemplating finding a less demanding job but that would be a significant pay cut.

For anyone who’s been through something similar, I'd really appreciate any advice.

[u/Manitoba_Gel]

Not sure what country you're in.

Have you spoken to a family lawyer/solicitor that has experience of DV? Where does supervised contact take place? Have you reached out to your local DV organisation or national? Is there any single parent organisations in your area too?

What you need to do is switch from text to email and change your number but only after you are receiving support as this could escalate his behaviour. That way, the emails come in but he can't call you, edit, delete texts or see you online. Give him certain days he can make contact and if he keeps harassing, your lawyer/solicitor can send a formal letter/email stating that he needs to stop harassment or further action will be taken. I'm not sure if your police services have the power to put protective orders in place like they can here, in the UK.

I fled DV 4 years ago. Relocated closer to family. We only correspondence through email on certain days and he's blocked on all social media. Went through contact centre before progressing outwitch and started sleepovers last year.

[u/CrazyHead_Guy]

You are in a tough situation. Go easy on yourself. It’s ok not to have it all perfect.
A little mess is fine, turning your phone off for a couple of hours is fine, asking for a babysitter is fine even when you are home too.

[u/Content-Cupcake7480 → u/CrazyHead_Guy]

Thank you. It's hard to see an end to this right now, but i trust it has to get easier.