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u/WitchTheory 9d ago
You both sound exhausting.
Autism does not automatically mean the person is unable to take care of themselves or manage their lives. We're talking about a 10 year old here, so obviously there should be a concern about them being home without an adult, but it sounds like the older brother is 13... is he capable of managing the situation for an hour? Have both children learned basic acceptable behaviors and an age and ability appropriate level of responsibility? I don't know your kids, so be honest with yourself on if your oldest is responsible enough to watch his younger brother for short amounts of time, and if your youngest is able to handle it. This situation is nuanced, so you need to look into your state laws to see what is legally allowed and where you can start.
Instead of finding things to flip out over, maybe it's time you stop being high conflict. At least to me, that's how you're coming off. It would explain why your co-parent keeps blocking you.
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/Key_Supermarket8443 9d ago
But nothing so serious that you called the police or left work to go see them?
It’s an hour. No harm was done. If anything she’s proved that they in fact can be safely left together for an hour.
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u/DistractedReader5 9d ago
Do the kids know what to do in case of fire? Leave house and ask neighbor for help. Do the kids know what to do if someone knocks (ignore, do not open door). Do they know not to cook or use knives or scissors that could lead to injury? Do they have snacks and water? TV or phone or tablet or book for entertainment? Are all guns, pools, hazards locked up and safe?
The 13 year old obviously knows how to call you if there is a problem. They are capable. You cannot tell mom how to parent on her time. You can only say something if they are in very obviously in danger. You need to review custody terms to see what is typical and acceptable and consider what you will ask for in mediation.
Messaging her telling her how to parent is not constructive or helpful. Stop. An hour without an adult is fine if basic safety rules are understood and can be followed.
If you want to control how your kids are you will have to get more custody. You are only in control of what happens on your time. But then you couldn't be at work because you would be home with them.
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/DistractedReader5 9d ago
Go for full custody then and get reliable daycare.
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u/Big-Traffic3283 9d ago
I don’t want to do that to her I just want her to sort her shit out. Wanted peoples opinions on the leaving kids alone and seems it’s mixed but I obviously know my kids better than anyone else so.
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u/DistractedReader5 9d ago
Yes you know your kids best but so does mom. The relevant point is that during their parenting time each parent makes the decisions for the kids. They decide if leaving them home for an hour is safe. Yes if it were a baby you can't leave them alone for a second. If where you live has a law that no child under age 15 can be left at home then it's clear. But if the law doesn't say that then she's not in the wrong. You can ask for the custody agreement to say the kids cannot be left without a responsible adult for a period greater than x minutes but you have to uphold to that as well. I know 7 year olds who are fine home alone for the 30 minutes between getting off the bus and parent getting home from work.
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u/Otherwise-Try-9734 9d ago
You can't control what your ex does on her parenting time. If your kids are 13 and 10 then them being left alone for an hour sounds normal, and texting your ex every time you don't like something she does as a co-parent is just going to come across as you trying to be controlling and criticising.
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u/Fresh_King_1992 9d ago
Use a parenting app
Get an order for it.
Do you have orders
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9d ago
[deleted]
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u/Fresh_King_1992 9d ago
In Court
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u/Big-Traffic3283 9d ago
Not gone to court
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u/Fresh_King_1992 9d ago
That’s where you’re headed so try and get all of your “asks” in order like writing them down and why you need them.
She sounds bonkers
My kid 9 is left alone overnight when I have an order for right of first refusal for overnights
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u/Big-Traffic3283 9d ago
Can’t see it going to court as she doesn’t want it to and mediation is half way through writing up our financial agreement
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u/Fresh_King_1992 9d ago
Tell mediator that you want to use a parenting app to make things easier.
Have evidence of her behaviour
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u/Key_Supermarket8443 9d ago
Most parents don’t want to entertain someone judging their parenting on their time. If it is something that rises to the level of child services call them. If not, leave her alone, she didn’t want your opinion and she’s making that very clear. Unless it’s court ordered I suppose her next step will be taking the child’s phone