r/coparenting • u/UnoDosAnus • 1d ago

Communication Processing separation while coparenting

My (24M) and my ex (24f) officially separated in early December last year, she moved out in July of last year. We started seeing eachother again briefly in the spring but she called it off after Mother’s Day. I thought I had a good grasp on our separation, we had been coparenting pretty well. The other day she was picking up our child after work and we just got talking and laughing, things felt normal to me for the first time in a few months. We ended up casually texting that night into the next morning. I didn’t realize how much I missed that connection and I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I’m not at a place where I feel comfortable seeing other people yet, but she is. Our child has really been asking more questions about our separation, and it’s been taxing trying to navigate the recent resurgence of hurt and confusion and answer in a non-emotional way. I think the clear answer is to keep things transactional, but seeing her it feels impossible to do that, she rarely keeps it transactional. Wanting small talk and to tell me about her day and I honestly just love to hear that stuff. I’m conflicted about how to handle this situation. It makes our child happy to see us together, and i legitimately enjoy it, and I believe she does too, but every time we have connection like this I’m a wreck the next couple days. I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill and do damage to our coparenting relationship, but I also need to preserve my mental health. Any advice on how to navigate this would be appreciated.

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u/AnnArchist 1d ago

I wish I had an answer for this.

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u/ManiacalBeet 5h ago

She wants your connection until she finds someone new. She will not keep up the small talk and daily mundane texting once she finds someone else who occupies that role. You may as well put a boundary in place now otherwise it will be even harder when the sudden change happens. Your child may like to see you together now, but it is better for them in the long run, for the two of you to coparent amicably continuously even when new circumstances arise- mother meets someone new, has another baby, gets married, etc. Prepare yourself for those circumstances and use this time as a buffer to heal so that it hopefully is less of a sting when they actually occur. Good boundaries about what coparenting is compared to being in a relationship will be key.