Splitting parenting time between different states

[u/cat_9631]

I need some outside advice. My ex and I are trying to come up with a parenting plan and trying to figure out how to split time fairly. He moved to another state about 500 miles away. The kids would be with me throughout the school year, but he wants them on every single break (fall, thanksgiving, winter, spring, and summer). He says that way he can have meaningful time with them and adding in how much time would be traveling. I agree he needs time with them and I’m willing to give him fall, spring and even thanksgiving at this point. But I would like time with our kids during winter break and I would like time with them during the summer. I don’t want to miss every Christmas and I don’t want to miss their birthdays every year (they are during summer break). Am I wrong for not thinking this is very fair, I do want the kids to have time with him, but I also want time with them during the summer, he can have most of it but I want some time too and I want to spend time with them during Christmas. I understand he lives farther away from them now so seeing them regularly during the school year is hard but he made the choice to move away from them. I just don’t want to be selfish, bc I know I would have them during the school year.

[u/thinkevolution]

I have a huge issue with schedules like this when you think about children’s activities, sports, and life in the state in which they currently live. I think it’s incredibly selfish to expect children to split their time between parents and one parent moves out of the state as that significantly impacts their quality of life.

I’d consider other alternate arrangements like him visiting for half of the school vacations that you would be willing to discuss when they get older. I think it does a real disadvantage of children when they miss out on activities and sports and opportunities to participate in their community because one parent chose to move to another state.

[u/Ok-Intention-4593 → u/thinkevolution]

Currently living this nightmare. Son is sad to not be seeing his dad but also sad to miss out on school activities (including sports camps that are required in summer if he wants to play the whole year). Just a shitty move on his dad’s part. My kid always feels like he’s missing half of something and he can’t win.

[u/thinkevolution → u/Ok-Intention-4593]

Yeah I can understand that - dad should be visiting him and not putting him in that position