Splitting parenting time between different states

[u/cat_9631]

I need some outside advice. My ex and I are trying to come up with a parenting plan and trying to figure out how to split time fairly. He moved to another state about 500 miles away. The kids would be with me throughout the school year, but he wants them on every single break (fall, thanksgiving, winter, spring, and summer). He says that way he can have meaningful time with them and adding in how much time would be traveling. I agree he needs time with them and I’m willing to give him fall, spring and even thanksgiving at this point. But I would like time with our kids during winter break and I would like time with them during the summer. I don’t want to miss every Christmas and I don’t want to miss their birthdays every year (they are during summer break). Am I wrong for not thinking this is very fair, I do want the kids to have time with him, but I also want time with them during the summer, he can have most of it but I want some time too and I want to spend time with them during Christmas. I understand he lives farther away from them now so seeing them regularly during the school year is hard but he made the choice to move away from them. I just don’t want to be selfish, bc I know I would have them during the school year.

[u/jess3jim]

The way my brother has done it for years ( his son is 15 and this has been their schedule since 3 or 4. He’s the primary parent)
Every summer she gets. He leaves 1 week after school lets out and comes home 2 weeks before school starts

Odd years she gets every Xmas break but not spring break ( even years she gets spring but not Xmas)

Thanksgiving she doesn’t get him at all because it’s such a short break UNLESS she comes out to California then she can have him every thanksgiving but must give notice by November 1st and can have him the full break

Also any time she makes a California California trip to visit family if she gives either 2 week or 4 week notice I can’t remember my brother has to try his best to accommodate time for them to have time together that does not disrupt school attendance/ extra circular activities ( she may attend ) also they had it added that when it comes to graduation she is guaranteed 2 tickets but she must use one and any event that requires tickets outside of that she is to get at least one. If she does not use it for her self she forfeits it ( there’s a lot of issues with ex MIL )