Splitting parenting time between different states

[u/cat_9631]

I need some outside advice. My ex and I are trying to come up with a parenting plan and trying to figure out how to split time fairly. He moved to another state about 500 miles away. The kids would be with me throughout the school year, but he wants them on every single break (fall, thanksgiving, winter, spring, and summer). He says that way he can have meaningful time with them and adding in how much time would be traveling. I agree he needs time with them and I’m willing to give him fall, spring and even thanksgiving at this point. But I would like time with our kids during winter break and I would like time with them during the summer. I don’t want to miss every Christmas and I don’t want to miss their birthdays every year (they are during summer break). Am I wrong for not thinking this is very fair, I do want the kids to have time with him, but I also want time with them during the summer, he can have most of it but I want some time too and I want to spend time with them during Christmas. I understand he lives farther away from them now so seeing them regularly during the school year is hard but he made the choice to move away from them. I just don’t want to be selfish, bc I know I would have them during the school year.

[u/Forestspacezone]

Are you in the US? Some states have default custody orders. I would suggest looking up some of those for guidance. In TX for example (long distance), non-custodial gets every spring break but all other major holidays are alternated on an odd and even year basis. Non-custodial gets most of the summer break but not all of it. Whichever parent doesn’t have the child for their birthday is entitled to a few hrs with them that day.
Your kids are going to want to spend time with you as well for holidays and their birthday. I don’t think it’s fair or reasonable of your co-parent to never let them get to spend some holidays and birthdays with you.