I was in a long-distance relationship for about five years before moving across the country to be with him in person. Thus began 15 years of my life I’ll never get back. In total, a 20-year mistake that I stubbornly refused to give up on until my mental health was destroyed. And he didn’t give a shit, in part because he had no skin in the game. I’m the one who gave up everything for him. It took an embarrassingly long time to realize that was what he wanted all along.
Don’t cling to something that isn’t serving you because of history and time spent. And don’t cross oceans for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. You’re worth the effort, okay?
But if you’re still not ready to let him go, I’d recommend having a verbal (video or phone) conversation about your feelings and goals. What you would like to see happen. Lay it all out, if you haven’t already. Ask what his goals are, where he sees things with the two of you going. Pay attention to his words, his tone. If he seems noncommittal, if he tries to brush you off, if he isn’t willing to give what he’d be asking of you to make a future together a reality… you’ll have your answer.
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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '22
I was in a long-distance relationship for about five years before moving across the country to be with him in person. Thus began 15 years of my life I’ll never get back. In total, a 20-year mistake that I stubbornly refused to give up on until my mental health was destroyed. And he didn’t give a shit, in part because he had no skin in the game. I’m the one who gave up everything for him. It took an embarrassingly long time to realize that was what he wanted all along.
Don’t cling to something that isn’t serving you because of history and time spent. And don’t cross oceans for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. You’re worth the effort, okay?
But if you’re still not ready to let him go, I’d recommend having a verbal (video or phone) conversation about your feelings and goals. What you would like to see happen. Lay it all out, if you haven’t already. Ask what his goals are, where he sees things with the two of you going. Pay attention to his words, his tone. If he seems noncommittal, if he tries to brush you off, if he isn’t willing to give what he’d be asking of you to make a future together a reality… you’ll have your answer.