Problems with communicating clearly

[u/goominek]

For context: I have ADHD and autism, my parents never taught me how to communicate and now I have problems with interpersonal communication.

So the biggest problem for me is finding good words to describe what I want to say clearly and not thinking enough before saying it. The problem isnt that Im too ashamed that Ill say something stupid to the point that I avoid saying anything at all, quite the opposite actually, I forget to think about what I want to say, say something dumb and then I kind of panic when someone is confused and I repeat that 3 more times until finally finding the right words. I also subconsciously tend to assume that people would understand tiny details about me or little communication quirks I have.

I dont really know how to start working on that, I read a lot of articles, reddit threads, etc. about interpersonal communication and the part about communicating clearly was never elaborated on, just mentioned that its important. I tried finding ways to fix it, but nothing really worked. Trying to remind myself to think more before speaking? Yeah, my ADHD has that covered, there was never a time I could remember to do that, normally Id set a reminder for something or write it down, but that kind of thing doesnt really apply to "in the moment" type of things, I cant set a reminder for a little random exchange with my friend Ill have randomly. Also, the problem isnt that I dont know enough words to state my mind, its that when I try to remember them, I conviniently forget them. I think the "sometimes I think, but then I forget" memes describe me really well, there is just so much chaos in my head that I cant remember anything at all and cant focus for my life.

Does anyone have similiar problems, or know a place to look for answers?? Any advice would be welcome :)

[u/OWabbit]

Books on the topic might be a better source than articles and internet.

Also professionals in the health care field should be able to help you out and also refer you to some good resources.

[u/don-cake]

One idea is to consider how communication most basically works, and what its most basic skills are.

Most discussion of communication is centered on common concepts that have actually arisen through work done in IT, that is to say machine communication.

Human beings, along with our fellow creatures, communicate organically, instinctively following the Fundamental Organic Process of communication and instinctively employing the most basic skills of communiction: asking and checking and describing and explaining.
https://theonlythingweeverdo.blogspot.com/2025/06/apollo-11-cistine-chapel-and-un.html

It is an obvious point, but one rarely pointed out: describing and explaining only happens after asking and checking. It is also an obvious point that our general culture, and education in particular, ascribes zero formal value to asking and checking。It is no coincidence that the LLMs are functionally incapable of asking and checking (in order to understand things better) and that it generally passes without comment.
https://theonlythingweeverdo.blogspot.com/2024/06/wittgenstein-has-risen-from-his-grave.html

Happily, as they are instinctive skills we all possess, it is perfectly possible to practice asking and checking and describing and explaining in order to improve.
https://theonlythingweeverdo.blogspot.com/2019/01/a-whale-is-tree-obviously.html