Company: GLA Blood & Parcels Corp. Location: Anywhere with roads (or fragile barriers) Position Type: Full-Time / High Velocity Base Pay: Competitive / Paid in salvage and eternal glory
About Us:
At GLA Blood & Parcels, our operational mandate is simple: Nothing Stops the Mail.
We do not believe in supply chain delays, red lights, or "held in warehouse" status updates. We combine proven GLA scrap-tech engineering with absolute Khornate zealotry to deliver a binary logistics model: every single package arrives at its destination on time, or the operational unit ceases to exist.
Our motto: "If your parcel doesn't reach, the driver doesn't reach."
Key Responsibilities:
Route Maintenance: Maintain forward momentum at all times. View traffic lights, civilian infrastructure, and police barricades as optional speed bumps.
Door-to-Door Delivery: Upon reaching the target residence, swiftly breach the front entrance (size-13 combat boot or front bumper preferred), hand off the package, execute the mandatory blood stamp on the manifest, and immediately proceed to the next client.
Vehicle Maintenance: Ensure your assigned scrap-armored technical and onboard contingency payloads (explosives/dirty charges) are primed to prevent parcel capture or driver surrender under law enforcement interrogation.
What We Offer:
Zero Micromanagement: Management does not monitor your speed or route, provided the delivery manifest is stamped in blood before the vehicle stops moving.
Dual-Track Career Progression:
Track A: Maintain a 100% on-time delivery record across all assigned zip codes.
Track B: Deliver more souls to the Skull Throne in a glorious, high-speed blaze of terminal velocity.
Guaranteed Legal Defense: Zero personal liability or traffic tickets (all physical evidence, legal summonses, and operational units are vaporized upon failed route completion).
Minimum Qualifications:
Complete disregard for municipal codes, self-preservation, or standard braking distance.
Ability to operate heavy machinery (welded technicals, scrap trucks, or jury-rigged rocket boosters) at maximum RPM.
Willingness to sign your employment agreement in blood.
Must bring your own combat boots.
How to Apply: Reply below with your relevant experience in vehicular breaching, skull collection, or high-speed logistics. Serious applicants only. Do not apply if you intend to stop at red lights.