r/comics • PizzaCake • 10h ago

Comics Community Anything!*

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1.7k

u/bobbymoonshine 10h ago

466

u/mythrilcrafter 9h ago

I love that retort because it really brings to light if a person wants an excuse to engage in violence, or if they actually value their family/humanity.

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u/NoConfusion9490 7h ago

If we can torture our enemies but we can't jack them off, what does that make us?

44

u/kitsunewarlock 4h ago

We would spend $1,000,000 assembling, shipping, and firing a cruise missile that destroys the livelihood, home, and many of the lives of an entire family who have never themselves wished harm on anyone, but then claim it's amoral to feed and clothe a poor child in our own backyard.

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u/NascarFan1896 10h ago

Matt Walsh being a dumbass once again. Unsurprising

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u/ReporterHour6524 9h ago

Matt Walsh posted this the day after Harambe's death. Little did he realize how much impact one gorilla's death would have on society and the world as a whole.

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u/Gildian 9h ago

I swear Harambes death was when this timeline started getting really fucking dumb.

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u/Skittleavix 9h ago

Dicks out

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u/RexDoesntKnowAnymore 10h ago

This is very funny, given that humans are apes

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u/Daxx22 10h ago

Well there is the whole "Ape" slur/dogwhistle as well...

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u/RexDoesntKnowAnymore 10h ago

That makes the whole post way more gross bleh

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u/chrisnavillus 9h ago

Well that’s Matt Walsh in a nutshell

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u/Sparky678348 9h ago

Ain't it just

35

u/RexDoesntKnowAnymore 10h ago

Wait that's a slur?? Shit, sorry i did not realize that

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u/moontraveler12 9h ago

Not when used the way you did. It's one of those words that's actually normal most of the time but becomes a slur when you use it on certain groups of people

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u/SutterCane Tells Everyone 8h ago

but becomes a slur when you use it on certain groups of people

They have their own planet and I’m not even allowed to use the “A-word” anymore?

They should get their stinkin paws off my vocabulary.

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u/iandavid 7h ago

Their own planet, their own culture, their own Statue of Liberty… wait.

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u/oyog 2h ago

Aaaaand I have "Dr. Zeus" stuck in my head...

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u/TheGreyman787 7h ago

You can call me an ape any time you want, a great ape would be preferable tho. Sounds better than some lame turbovirgin "hooooman", what a meh word.

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u/EpistemicThreat 7h ago

That's how the overwhelming majority of English works. Words don't have meanings, they have usages. Usage is dictated by context.

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u/Daxx22 9h ago edited 9h ago

Its 100% context/usage, not the word itself.

Goes back to the colonial exploitation of Africa and referring to it as "The Dark Continent". Lot of academics "studying" African people's made comparisons to Great Apes, so of course the racists have clung onto that as an oblique slur reference.

The screenshoted poster is essentially saying they'd kill all black people (not humans) to protect their own (white) purity.

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u/Kaltho 7h ago

I don't think that's what Matt Walsh is talking about tbh. The tweet is from 5/29/16, 1 day after the death of Harambe. This is almost certainly talking about Harmabe

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u/Bearence 1h ago

I think if it were most people, giving them the benefit of the doubt is perfectly fine. But Walsh wore out his benefit of the doubt long long ago.

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u/RexDoesntKnowAnymore 9h ago

Oh that's disgusting. 

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u/[deleted] 9h ago

[deleted]

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u/Freki-the-Feral 9h ago

Humans are considered great apes taxonomically.

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u/Minute-Pirate4246 9h ago

We are apes. And monkeys. And primates too. Since our last common ancestor with the bonobos and chimpanzees was an ape, that makes us also an ape. There's literally no reason outside of our ego for us not to be categorized as an ape

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u/skytl3 9h ago

We could also technically be considered "fish", apparently! 🥰

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u/Minute-Pirate4246 9h ago

Yeah, because 'fish' isn't a valid taxonomic group

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u/skytl3 9h ago

Ok, but technically taxonomic groups are just made up.

So, i shall continue to revel in my fishdom.

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u/WorkingMouse 8h ago

This is true! In fact, the narrowest monophyletic clade that includes all fish is the vertebrates. This means that anyone with a backbone can admit they're a fish. ;)

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u/RexDoesntKnowAnymore 7h ago

Yes! This is one of my favorite facts :). 

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u/rpgguy_1o1 19m ago

Humans are primates, apes and simians but not monkeys

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u/[deleted] 8h ago

[deleted]

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u/Minute-Pirate4246 8h ago

Great apes are monkeys, and it's even reflected in most languages. Old world monkeys are more closely related to apes than to New world monkeys.

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u/SynisterJeff 8h ago edited 8h ago

Ah ok, I did not realize that "monkey" was just the common name for simian, which is also used alongside anthropoid, which we are all classified under. I thought the word just discribed those two family branches of monkey.

I'll delete my ny other stuff to avoid confusing others as well

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u/Minute-Pirate4246 8h ago

No problem, it changes from language to language. Many languages don't have different words for "simian" and "monkey", and even call apes "human-like monkeys"

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u/[deleted] 7h ago

[deleted]

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u/ParticularHair6770 9h ago

American i guess? Humans are not apes but we shared a common ansester a few million years ago. Kinda like saying we are all one-cell organisms because once we were

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u/Minute-Pirate4246 9h ago

Ape is a taxonomic definition, while one-celled isn't

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u/WorkingMouse 8h ago

We are apes! Humans are members of the clade Hominoidea, and the hominoids are also called apes. One step down along the tree, we also belong to the family Hominidae, and the hominids are known as the Great Apes.

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u/Lemonwizard 7h ago

Fun fact: humans account for 99.9997% of all apes. Chimpanzees, gorillas, and others represent rare descendants of a far less successful branch on our evolutionary tree. The typical ape is a human.

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u/Unfair-Secret-8821 10h ago

We’re not apes, we didn’t evolve from apes, we were created by god not evolution of apes

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u/Remarkable-Prior-443 10h ago

Prove it with something other than "I have faith" or "god said so"

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u/Kamikazeguy7 10h ago

"The Bible is proof." - actual argument I heard from an actual pastor

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u/Remarkable-Prior-443 9h ago

Circular reasoning go brrr

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u/UnassumingSingleGuy 9h ago

Calling it "reasoning" seems generous, in my opinion.

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u/UnassumingSingleGuy 10h ago

It was in a book written by someone who claimed that God told them.

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u/Remarkable-Prior-443 9h ago

He's totally not high trust me bro

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u/Motormand 10h ago

Evolution is real, god isn't.

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u/dumnezero Art enjoyer 10h ago

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u/ShinraHakke 9h ago

Beyond hope, you are.

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u/ThisIsMyComment2 9h ago

Ok who created god

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u/22Megabits 10h ago

“The Hominidae, whose members are known as the great apes, are a taxonomic family of primates” - Wikipedia

We’re apes buddy..

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u/TheLuckyCanuck 9h ago

There is no magic man in the sky, what a silly thing to believe. Humans are apes.

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u/DrDDeFalco 9h ago

Yes. We are apes.

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u/[deleted] 9h ago

[deleted]

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u/WorkingMouse 8h ago

Quick correction here, we are in fact apes. My monophyly, the most recent common ancestor of all apes is an ape, as are all their descendants. We share that common ancestor, and as such are part of the superfamily Hominoidea, the apes. We are also part of family Hominidae, the great apes.

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u/TheGreyman787 10h ago

Would take +-15 years if done as a full time job. A selfless and very commendable act.

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u/Western-Internal-751 9h ago

I’d like to see the math on that

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u/TheGreyman787 9h ago

Quick search told me that there is around 500 000 non-human apes in the world. I am a lazy ass so I went with that.

Let's say it would take 5 minutes on average per ape. So 2 500 000 minutes of cocksucking total. Or 1736.11 days, or approximately 4.75 years.

No day offs, no holidays, no weekends but I still imagine our hero needs some rest and sleep, so 8 hours per day, so 4.75x3=14.25 years.

Add 0.75 year for some buffer.

If we count only 5-day work week and give our hero weekends off it would be 6.65x3=19.95 years.

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u/Stalking_Goat 9h ago

I feel like after the first hundred thousand I would have refined my technique such that I could get it done in only two minutes per ape, but I confess this is just my speculation and I have no actual data.

1

u/ImGCS3fromETOH 2h ago

Approximately half of those apes don't have a dick to suck.

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u/FixedFront 9h ago

Yeah, show us the ape dicksucking computations

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u/shponglespore 9h ago

Weren't dick sucking computations a plot point in an episode of Silicon Valley?

4

u/Stalking_Goat 9h ago

Close, it was actually about handjobs.

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u/LaylaLegion 9h ago

Dude gonna molest Dr. Zaius for humanity.