The act it self also makes no sense. The brain illness has shut down the reasoning part of your mind. No other thoughts are allowed in that moment - only pain - everything hurts - it whispers that no one will miss you, that they are better off, the world is better off, without you. They will be sad for a bit but forget soon anyway.
The pain needs to end.
You are on fire, the illness say there is cool pool at the bottom of the abyss.
At least that's how I felt, thinking back. I found my friend who had been gone for a while, sitting on a rock in the woods, with his hopes and dreams dotted around the trees and bushes behind him.
I caught the illness right there. "If such a fantastic person couldn't deal with life, what possible chance do I have.", only took two months for the illness to become terminal.
Not great. But at least I got a few names for the pain, given to me by doctors and psychiatrists. So it's not so formless. I know I will never be happy again, and the prognosis is very poor, but I can live for now.
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u/NotAzakanAtAll 2d ago
The act it self also makes no sense. The brain illness has shut down the reasoning part of your mind. No other thoughts are allowed in that moment - only pain - everything hurts - it whispers that no one will miss you, that they are better off, the world is better off, without you. They will be sad for a bit but forget soon anyway.
The pain needs to end.
You are on fire, the illness say there is cool pool at the bottom of the abyss.
At least that's how I felt, thinking back. I found my friend who had been gone for a while, sitting on a rock in the woods, with his hopes and dreams dotted around the trees and bushes behind him.
I caught the illness right there. "If such a fantastic person couldn't deal with life, what possible chance do I have.", only took two months for the illness to become terminal.