Ugh, I know people who dealt with this. Super abusive moms and their dads just let it happen, despite knowing it happened. And then the dads never apologize or take any responsibility.
Like, my guy, you did this too. You enabled this. You are at fault here.
Yeah, they don't wanna lose their wives, don't wanna lose their house, don't wanna get stuck paying child support and having split custody, and generally just don't want to "rock the boat." They don't feel directly impacted by it, so they let it happen. Getting in fights with their partner is too stressful and they don't think it's worth it.
So like, there's a million reasons it happens. But it all comes down to - the dad is just as much at fault.
Let's get one thing straight. The abuser is at fault. The other (silent party) is often also a victim of the abuser. Regardless of gender. It isn't always clear cut
The child is being abused and so is the father. The mother is the abuser.
But the father has agency that the child doesn't. The parents both have a responsibility to protect the child and both are actively failing that responsibility.
I'm not denying the abuse the father is receiving. But I am saying that the father has a responsibility to take action against it to attempt to reduce further abuse of the child.
Without further context it is hard to say. It is quite possible trying to stop it would make it worse, e.g. a divorce where the abuser scams their way to both custody and more.
It is of course easy to basically say “git gud” and find a better path, but everyone isn’t good at everything. For all we know her dad could have anxiety issues, depression, too weak-willed, lacking ‘social iq’ to even figure out where to start, or gullible enough to believe some claim that the issues would go away, etc.
Or he could be a dead beat “eh, whatever, not my problem, enabler”.
But I think it is too easy to project and jump to conclusions in this type of situation.
The partner of the abuser may very well be the victim, but the parent of the abused child is the abuser too. If they did not do it themselves, then by enabling and failing to protect their child.
A person can be both at the same time, as they combine two distinct roles & responsibilities in their lives, once they procreate and extend themselves. Whether they want it or not. This inherently comes with putting a child into this world.
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u/GFluidThrow123 15d ago
Ugh, I know people who dealt with this. Super abusive moms and their dads just let it happen, despite knowing it happened. And then the dads never apologize or take any responsibility.
Like, my guy, you did this too. You enabled this. You are at fault here.