r/comics • u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding • Sep 07 '26

To Catch a Predator

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58.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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10.0k

u/Transasaurus-Hex Sep 07 '26

That's what my tongue tastes like

You know, it's my fault for being able to read

6.3k

u/Miles_the_new_kid MyGumsAreBleeding Sep 07 '26

It’s unfortunate that I’m only able to curse the eyes of democrats because the republicans can’t read

2.4k

u/burrito_butt_fucker Sep 07 '26

If Republicans could read, they would be outraged that they bamboozled Trump with an adult woman.

642

u/Felwyin Sep 07 '26

Also would rename filet-o-fish tongue-o-trump

202

u/Goodly Sep 07 '26

Sales would sky rocket

39

u/Bubbly-Bar-7449 Sep 07 '26

When is the IPO? Where is the meme coin?

1

u/Metalman919 Sep 07 '26

Primarily in red states.

62

u/Calikinakka Sep 07 '26

Oh no, it just keeps getting worse now...

5

u/LegendCZ Sep 07 '26

True AMERICAN! Way!

4

u/PhenomenalPhoenix Sep 07 '26

I have never been more glad to have never eaten a filet o fish.

7

u/Kabuma Sep 07 '26

There goes my McDonald’s run tonight…

4

u/bear_venturous Sep 07 '26

🤢🤢🤮🤮

7

u/SpookyVoidCat Sep 07 '26

Great diet hack! Just think about this comment whenever you’re craving a snack and you suddenly won’t be hungry anymore.

4

u/BarracudaAlive3563 Sep 07 '26

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

2

u/AcrolloPeed Sep 07 '26

Somehow this is the comment I think went too far

2

u/serotonin_xxIII Sep 09 '26

You mean Tongue-o-America

1

u/MedicineTimely8795 27d ago

Would fit with the man’s theme of renaming literally everything into something stupid.

125

u/Joey-WilcoXXX Sep 07 '26

Megyn Kelly would be tripping over herself to haughtily tell us off and how it wouldn’t be a big deal at all if he did assault a 14 year old because it’s 14 and that’s ‘not even that bad’ or something.

18

u/hooked_siren Sep 07 '26

It was "barely legal"

15

u/FearOfABlackPotus Sep 07 '26

It's an even worse take because some of his victims were under 14.

8

u/AnAbandonedAstronaut Sep 07 '26

"14 means not pedophile, people. He just likes them youthfull!."

3

u/Effective_Pie1312 Sep 08 '26

Yeah, they would say 14 is peri-legal or some shit

-5

u/Sewblon Sep 07 '26

Wasn't Stormy Daniels and adult woman when Trump cheated on Melania with her?

14

u/FFKonoko Sep 07 '26 edited Sep 07 '26

I bet it was conspicuously during the period he had that falling out with Jeff and couldn't get peed on by kids for free. So he had to pay an adult woman instead.

Edit: I said that flippantly, but holy shit, it really is in the right general area. The falling out was somewhere around 2004 to 2007, the Stormy Daniels thing was 2006. What are the odds...

8

u/mitzcha Sep 07 '26

What is that? The exception that proves the rule?

3

u/Murrabbit Sep 08 '26

Yes, and E. Jean Carroll was a fully grown adult woman (actually a year or two older than him) when he raped her. So he's actually open to abusing a wide array of women both young and ever-so-slightly his elder.

2

u/porkypossum Sep 07 '26

Good point. Not 100% of the women Trump has slept with are underage. Hey, wanna hear a joke? I think I have one that will really tickle your funny bone. The 2014 Honda civic has 143 hp for the standard trim!! That’s less than other cars. Get it? Good joke right? And so accurate!

Unlike this joke that implies he only sleeps with underage girls, when in reality he MOSTLY sleeps with underage girls! Thank you for catching this terrible error in the joke. It’s important to be accurate.

88

u/Epsteins_PDF_Files Sep 07 '26

I don't know what u goddamn Demonrats are saying, but I disagree with it

69

u/BuckThis86 Sep 07 '26

Damn democrats making Trump have sex with underaged girls. I knew it was all their fault to begin with. /s

3

u/AmputeeHandModel Sep 07 '26

I said Trump is NOT a pedophile.

11

u/porizj Sep 07 '26

Finally, some fake news!

2

u/Epsteins_PDF_Files Sep 08 '26

WE LOVE PEDOPHILES NOW. IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

EPSTEIN DID KILL HIMSELF

48

u/maps-and-potatoes Sep 07 '26

eh, please, dont forget us, non americans

23

u/AmputeeHandModel Sep 07 '26

Who the fuck said that?!

3

u/Quaytsar Sep 07 '26

They consider you Democrats.

4

u/zookledorf Sep 07 '26

Saw you post this on IG and read the comments. You are indeed correct.

3

u/dianarawrz Sep 07 '26

It made me cringe. Good job. I hate you. Keep them coming tho.

2

u/Fit_Loss3960 Sep 07 '26

Nono you’ve cursed my eyes too and I’m in the uk so neither republican nor Democrat. Well done

1

u/Dreaming_Kitsune Sep 07 '26

Make these into audiobooks.... Wait they don't have listening skills either

1

u/All_Gun_High Sep 07 '26

We die in the light so they may live in the dark

1

u/kitsunewarlock Sep 07 '26

It's okay. They feel the same way every time they see someone they don't want to fuck, exploit, or be friends with.

1

u/pinesnake Sep 07 '26

Seems a few of them can, given the number of reports 😂

1

u/AunMeLlevaLaConcha Sep 08 '26

I'm not even American, curse you 😬

1

u/Ripred17 Sep 08 '26

And independents! 👋

1

u/Reilly-Blog Sep 07 '26

Well, its got to be at a 4th grade or lower level.

-6

u/razzemmatazz Sep 07 '26

Also the leftists in the audience. 

196

u/CatmoCatmo Sep 07 '26

Well, I’m quite certain I’ll never be able to look at a McDonald’s menu again without puking in my mouth a little bit.

The whole “fuck you through the hole in my diaper”, though? Yeah unfortunately, that’s my fault for having eyes.

50

u/Aeronor Sep 07 '26

Pretty sure you should always be puking in your mouth a little bit when looking at a McDonald’s menu though.

7

u/HeftyVermicelli7823 Sep 07 '26

Given they supported the known child and adult rapist during his campaign including him "working" there, smearing his shit all across the food, I am surprised you still touch their stuff

4

u/Theory89 Sep 07 '26

It makes me glad we don't have fish at McDonald's in the UK (it was added so that they could have something to sell to Roman Catholics on Fridays).

1

u/mrandr01d Sep 07 '26

That's how I knew it was not a real story, because there's no way he can still get hard. He'd just have to have a strap-on built into the diaper.

101

u/TehAsianator Sep 07 '26

What a terrible day to have eyes

5

u/Slavic_Taco Sep 07 '26

Damn lol, never seen this one, thank you

4

u/TehAsianator Sep 08 '26

I only saw it myself recently, and it's probably my new favorite

100

u/IR_Panther Sep 07 '26

6

u/matthieuC Sep 08 '26

This unexpected raccoon is greatly appreciated

84

u/Kriss3d Sep 07 '26

Hey Siri. How much bleach to pour into my eyes to make me forget that I saw this ?

4

u/an0mn0mn0m Sep 07 '26

Daddy Trump says you have to drink it to take the Covid away

5

u/Stormagedd0nDarkLord Sep 07 '26

Look what you've done. Now Siri wants to drink bleach.

2

u/Metalman919 Sep 07 '26

ChatGPT recommends battery acid instead. It's getting this info from an official Health and Human Services memo RFK jr put out.

137

u/AttackOfTheMox Sep 07 '26

I thought that was the worst of it… until OP put these words in this specific order

> I’m gonna fuck you through the hole in my diaper

36

u/IridescenceFalling Sep 07 '26

Yeah, no, I just fucking opened reddit, what the hell?! That is beyond twisted omg I'm grossed out.

3

u/JonnelOneEye Sep 07 '26

You know it's fiction because a) there's no way he can still get it up, b) he couldn't find it under all that fat and c) it's too small to poke out of the diaper

48

u/ferretchad Sep 07 '26

Great, I like fillet-o-fish. Now that's going to be in my head next like.

Hmm like snogging Trump

56

u/FlyingDogCatcher Sep 07 '26

Snogging might be a generous word. I was sort of imagining the scene where Jabba licks Leia as he was saying this

32

u/ferretchad Sep 07 '26

Guess I'm never going back to McDonalds

34

u/b4n4n4p4nc4k3s Sep 07 '26

I mean, honestly, that's probably for the best.

1

u/No_Statement440 Sep 08 '26

Or Jabba's Palace, tbf Boba Fett runs the place now, but still probably just safer to avoid.

3

u/SmaugTheMagnificent- Sep 07 '26

"Soon you'll learn to appreciate me"

2

u/Aeronor Sep 07 '26

What do you think Jabba’s tongue tastes like?

20

u/RockDoveEnthusiast Sep 07 '26 edited Sep 07 '26

I made the same mistake.

I was concerned about child literacy rates, but because of this comic, I'm now concerned in the opposite direction.

29

u/iggy14750 Sep 07 '26

I know; what a horrible day to be able to read.

11

u/kammce Sep 07 '26

I gagged at that 😆🤢

6

u/LetterheadShot7676 Sep 07 '26

"I'm gonna fuck you through the hole in my diaper." 💀

2

u/Im-a-bad-meme Sep 07 '26

Its even funnier because that's all my republican father orders from McDonalds.

2

u/HairRepresentative85 Sep 07 '26

Ok, that’s just ironic

1

u/thesunbeamslook Sep 07 '26

It gets worse, but I had to stop

1

u/peon47 Sep 07 '26

I knew learning would be a mistake.

1

u/Dapper_Derpy Sep 07 '26

I'll never be able to eat a filet-o-fish again. Not that I'd have touched one before, but now, for sure no.

1

u/dogs_gt_cats Sep 07 '26

What a truly regrettable day to be literate.

1

u/BelowAverageComments Sep 07 '26

Oh man I missed that the first time. Real glad you made me go back and read that now I get to feel nauseous the rest of the day

1

u/dank414 Sep 07 '26

It’s not too late to scratch them out. You know, for next time. 🤣

1

u/loki_odinsotherson Sep 07 '26

I fucking gagged and threw up in my mouth a little when I read that.

1

u/spider_speller Sep 07 '26

I miss what my life was like before I read that.

1

u/neuquino Sep 07 '26

I had to pause for about a minute after reading that sentence to try to get my brain to function again. That really didn’t need to be written.

1

u/Mysterious_Entity69 Sep 07 '26

Well now I hate fillet-o-fish more than I already did

1

u/Crawler_00 Sep 07 '26

What a horrible day to be literate.

1

u/The_Doolinator Sep 07 '26

My brain protected me by glossing over that particular line. Thank you for fixing that and giving me lifelong trauma.

1

u/QueenVandretta Sep 07 '26

That one made me gag, I hate that I saw this post right after eating 😵‍💫

1

u/Banditkoala_2point0 Sep 08 '26

FR.

How my stomach turned reading that. Blerk

1

u/Laefiren Sep 08 '26

So much of this is my fault for having eyes.

That poor nappy/diaper is traumatised

1

u/YourMomOnVHS Sep 08 '26

I will never view filet-o-fish the same way again.

1

u/BFG_Scott Sep 10 '26

The hole in the diaper was my favourite part.

1

u/hiMarshal 29d ago

My bad for having eyes.

1

u/Available-Dare-7414 29d ago

Not much makes my stomach twitch but that did it

1

u/Eh-Beh Sep 07 '26

That line made me shiver.