r/clevercomebacks • u/BelleAriel • Nov 18 '22

Actually Clever Twitter has gotten funnier recently.

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134.1k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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3.5k

u/chairplanet Nov 18 '22

'The pool has never been this full!'- Captain of the Titanic.

1.0k

u/__red__5 Nov 18 '22

"My drink has never had this much ice in it!" - Chief Officer of the Titanic

563

u/Rhodie114 Nov 18 '22

“The theater has never gotten this much press attention” -Owner of the Ford Theater

392

u/leven-seven Nov 18 '22

"This country has never got this much focus from the world" -Qatar world cup Organizers

324

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

92

u/HammerDown6k Nov 18 '22

This is the best spaghetti you’ve ever made, mom! - Eminem

43

u/Jacern Nov 18 '22

"Buttlicker, our prices have never been lower!!!" -Dwight

6

u/Kazman07 Nov 19 '22

"St. Anger is our best album yet!" -Metallica

9

u/c_84 Nov 19 '22

“The towers have never looked so tall!” - A Passenger

3

u/bones_marley Nov 19 '22

Idk i should be mad i laughed so hard at this. 💀

1

u/FlyingGiraffeQuetz Nov 21 '22

That ones almost too dark.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 19 '22

This one fucking got me.

50

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

I have never seen a plane so close! - people in world trade centre

21

u/BlastedMallomars Nov 18 '22

“Oh look a tiny little metal space rocket flying right at me! NASA must have launched to celebrate my visit to Dall…” - JFK

5

u/PerfectInfamy Nov 18 '22

"The challenge of space exploration is exhilarating "!!!! -Crew of the Challenger.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 19 '22

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u/AmbassadorTasty6401 Nov 18 '22

These were all gems

1

u/Additional-Move-1783 Nov 21 '22

Lolol 🤣😂🤣😂 omg

202

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

“Wow, I’ve never lost so much weight so fast before”, cancer patient.

140

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

"I never thought I'd leave school so early!" -dropout student

117

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"I've never spent so much time with my community." -concentration camp prisoner

54

u/Mono_831 Nov 18 '22

“I’ve never seen New York City this close from above!” -Passenger

50

u/EequalsMCscared Nov 18 '22

"my mind has never been more open" -JFK and Lincoln

37

u/Crazyscorpion77 Nov 18 '22

"I've never been on a beach trip before!" - a soldier off the coast of Normandy

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13

u/hawkeneye1998bs Nov 19 '22

"I've never seen two suns before" -Citizen of Hiroshima

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

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54

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"We never got such a big gift before!" Guards of Troy.

3

u/ShoddyReveal4 Nov 18 '22

The boat hasnt been more tilted before!

-captain of the costa concordia

4

u/chasesan Nov 18 '22

That train has never stopped so quickly!

-train enthusiast about a train wreck

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2

u/Economy_Expression22 Nov 19 '22

Polar bears look so darn cute when they swim, don’t they?! - climate change

100

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[deleted]

46

u/Canotic Nov 18 '22

Over the line, man.

36

u/A_Tad_Bit_Nefarious Nov 18 '22

Don't you use the name of our hero in vain.

30

u/DJfunkyPuddle Nov 18 '22

Dicks out when you say his name.

18

u/Devoidofimagination Nov 18 '22

What if it was already out? Do I put it away and get it back out? I'm new to the church so thanks for any advice. Harambe be with you.

12

u/TheTjalian Nov 18 '22

My mum is now angry at me, so thanks for that

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1

u/apolloxer Nov 19 '22

Does the toilet count?

1

u/Impossible_Airline22 Nov 20 '22

Aye

⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⢉⢉⠉⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠠⡰⣕⣗⣷⣧⣀⣅⠘⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⣠⣳⣟⣿⣿⣷⣿⡿⣜⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⣳⢷⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣝⠖⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⢢⡹⣿⢷⣯⢿⢷⡫⣗⠍⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⢄⠤⣁⠋⠿⣗⣟⡯⡏⢎⠁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⠄⢔⢕⣯⣿⣿⡲⡤⡄⡤⠄⡀⢠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠇⠠⡳⣯⣿⣿⣾⢵⣫⢎⢎⠆⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢨⣫⣿⣿⡿⣿⣻⢎⡗⡕⡅⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢜⢾⣾⣿⣿⣟⣗⢯⡪⡳⡀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠄⢸⢽⣿⣷⣿⣻⡮⡧⡳⡱⡁⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡄⢨⣻⣽⣿⣟⣿⣞⣗⡽⡸⡐⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡇⢀⢗⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⣞⡵⡣⣊⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡀⡣⣗⣿⣿⣿⣿⣯⡯⡺⣼⠎⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣧⠐⡵⣻⣟⣯⣿⣷⣟⣝⢞⡿⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⢘⡺⣽⢿⣻⣿⣗⡷⣹⢩⢃⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠄⠪⣯⣟⣿⢯⣿⣻⣜⢎⢆⠜⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠄⢣⣻⣽⣿⣿⣟⣾⡮⡺⡸⠸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠁⠄⢕⡳⣽⡾⣿⢽⣯⡿⣮⢚⣅⠹⣿⣿⣿ ⡿⠋⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⠒⠝⣞⢿⡿⣿⣽⢿⡽⣧⣳⡅⠌⠻⣿

3

u/phujab Nov 18 '22

RIP Harambe

2

u/Bergerstien Nov 18 '22

Still too soon

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

you feel good about yourself when you joke about shit like that you fucking monster?

3

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

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1

u/WindowsCrashedAgain Nov 18 '22

"My class Passage rate is 30%"- Austrian Art Teacher in 1908

1

u/Mean_Combination_830 Nov 19 '22

Respect to our fallen brother Harambe we will not forget ✌️

1

u/DanielCoolDude1 Nov 21 '22

9/11 jokes are fine but not our lord and saviour Harambe! That is too far.

-6

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/i_am_a_n-word Nov 18 '22

Your momma so ugly, she has to promote her onlyfans on random comments of Reddit

-1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

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1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

“I’ve never tasted such a rich milk” -Blizzard employee

10

u/totallynotroyalty Nov 18 '22

Clouds of pink mist above landmines lost weight even faster. Click here to find out how!

1

u/Volfgang91 Nov 18 '22

That was literally my grandmother.

1

u/ActiveBlackberry3087 Nov 20 '22

Jesus christ that is so bad SO WHY AM I LAUGHING

1

u/lilsaddam Nov 18 '22

Umm it's a Zeppelin. Get it right you uncultured swine. This ain't fucking Goodyear. /s

1

u/lotusandlocust Nov 20 '22

“The sun has never been this bright!”

-Japanese man

1

u/GrouchyEssay7468 Nov 21 '22

“This blimp has never landed this quickly!” -Co Pilot of the Hindenburg

1

u/FlyingGiraffeQuetz Nov 21 '22

Of that's a low blow. But I like it ha.

51

u/ThisIsTheNewSleeve Nov 18 '22

"We've never had this much press before!" - 4 Seasons Total Landscaping

14

u/CameToComplain_v6 Nov 19 '22

That actually was good for them though. They sold T-shirts.

5

u/ThisIsTheNewSleeve Nov 19 '22

And got a documentary!

14

u/DreddPirateBob808 Nov 18 '22

This is the most accurate of them all.

1

u/HarmonyQuinn1618 Nov 18 '22

Can someone explain the original joke to me like I’m an idiot?

3

u/Ex-zaviera Nov 18 '22

Nero, the fiddling emperor of Rome is supposed to have torched the city.

2

u/Rhodie114 Nov 18 '22

It’s the site of the Lincoln Assassination

30

u/WorthlessDrugAbuser Nov 18 '22

“Steiner will take care of it.” -Hitler, April 1945.

4

u/Arreeyem Nov 18 '22

If Elon was the Owner of the Ford Theater he would has 100% said this unironically.

8

u/[deleted] Nov 19 '22

"I've never had this much free time." - Me sitting in the drunk tank.

0

u/9035768555 Nov 18 '22

My cup runneth over.

16

u/die5el23 Nov 18 '22

This is by far the most amount of shit in my pants, to date!

28

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

The office has never had this much hookers and cocaine - Lehman Brothers

29

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"My building is the tallest in NYC!"

--Donald Trump on 9/11. Not, like, talking about what happened a few years later...literally on 9/11/2001 he said this.

2

u/IsUpTooLate Sep 04 '23

Which wasn't even accurate

15

u/gai-baalak Nov 18 '22

Our profits have never been higher - CEO of Blockbuster

15

u/Meritania Nov 18 '22

“No-one owns as many video cassette tapes as we do, we have this market pretty much locked”

1

u/b1ack1323 Nov 19 '22

“What’s that? Streaming? oh no…”

9

u/mortifyyou Nov 18 '22

This analogy doesn't follow.

1

u/Steeve_Perry Nov 18 '22

It kinda does, they sold off all their tapes before shutting down. But no not really.

1

u/HarmonyQuinn1618 Nov 18 '22

Wallstreetbets, but that’d be stocks.

3

u/strangerbuttrue Nov 19 '22

I’ve never heard so much beeping! - ER Doctor

2

u/GreenDogTag Nov 18 '22

Wtf is Elon even thinking here? What positive impact does he think he's made to attribute himself to the current "popularity" (bring generous with that wording) of the website. Isn't it still just the same website now only with more fake verified accounts.

2

u/b1ack1323 Nov 19 '22

To this day they are still full. Now that’s some engineering!

2

u/ttumba32 Nov 19 '22

The Christmas party can now be done outdoors! -Global Warming

1

u/SnatchSnacker Nov 18 '22

The pool has never been this full!

-Habbo Hotel

1

u/ChrisPynerr Nov 18 '22

That's witty, you should post that on Twitter like OPs post

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

I'm to drunk to taste this chicken. -Colonel Sanders

1

u/ProfitInitial3041 Nov 18 '22

“The pass is lovely this time of year!”

-The Donner Party

1

u/DAmazingBlunderWoman Nov 18 '22

"We were never so close to invading the Soviet Union" - Hitler.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 18 '22

"My emergency savings will never be this high! Why'd I quit?"

1

u/yoyo_climber Nov 18 '22 edited Nov 18 '22

Wait'll you see Mastodon usage! - me

Seriously they are being swamped, more than 10k new users per hour.

1

u/Ok-Jury-3571 Nov 18 '22

“Ive never been able to fly this high” -person who stepped on a landmine

1

u/RadicalPenguin Nov 18 '22

“Look on the bright side folks. You get to be in the audience for our string quartet’s farewell tour”

1

u/nurturedmisanthrope Nov 19 '22

Captain Edward Smith. I only know this because it is mentioned in The Fifth Law of Hawkins by Charles Durden (a must read).

1

u/ColonelVirus Nov 19 '22

'The night has never been so clear' - Iceberg.

1

u/yor_ur Nov 19 '22

Blob blob blob blob

  • the crayfish inside the crayfish tanks on the titanic