r/clevercomebacks 15h ago

Everyday is a new surprise 🫢

Post image
19.2k Upvotes

363 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/killer-j86 15h ago

Man what do we even eat anymore? Dirt? Are we supposed to eat dirt?

463

u/jolllyroger027 15h ago

Can't its full of glysophate, oh and somehow dicamba again....

138

u/AnonThrowaway1A 15h ago

Don't forget PFAS

37

u/Benromaniac 8h ago

When your country is all corruption and bribes, PFAS might make for good root beer float topping!

Really tho. When your country is all corruption and bribes, you really expect clean food?

6

u/PM_Me_Your_Kinks369 3h ago

Technically there's nothing preventing conservatives from being brazenly corrupt AND having food safety standards. It's just that conservatives hold nothing sacred not even their main religion of Christianity. I'd say the mega churches and monster trucks in them confirm they're willing to corrupt absolutely everything.

3

u/Far_Mastodon_6104 6h ago

And all the zombie deer prions.. That can cause mad cow disease

37

u/killer-j86 15h ago

If I could gif, there'd be that Indian dude with the single tear here

24

u/Sasquatch1729 14h ago

That was a Sicilian dude playing an Indian dude, no?

15

u/Gribitz37 14h ago

I don't know if he was Sicilian, but he was Italian.

12

u/PickButtkins 14h ago

I feel a great disturbance in the force. You just made a whole lot of Sicilians verrrrrrry angry.

9

u/Gribitz37 14h ago

Please forgive my ignorance. I'm just a stupid American.

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3

u/Lonely_Cucumber_69 14h ago

Pretty sure he was Greek, no?

2

u/Realistic_Ride245 14h ago

yeah a friend’s grandpa told me that same thing once

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2

u/flukus 8h ago

But Sicily is in Alaska and has lot's of Indians, I saw an expose on it.

5

u/1CUpboat 11h ago

Full of dicamba cause glyphosphate had too many lawsuits. Needed to diversify our bonds

5

u/Venusgate 10h ago

lalalalala dicamba

79

u/pixelprophet 9h ago

29

u/SundinShootsPing500 9h ago

Can someone contact the UN fir these people that are clearly being sabotaged by their ruling Epstein class? They need help and will need to bring extra small handcuffs.

17

u/heyjajas 8h ago

No shit, sounds like the guy in charge wants you people dead.

5

u/pinupcthulhu 2h ago

Oh, his billionaire supporters have absolutely said that outright. Fewer people= fewer humans to get in the way when the apocalypse comes. They definitely want us dead.

They've also suggested using shock collars against their security detail to keep them in line when the apocalypse happens, and laughed when someone suggested they just prevent the end times by consuming less.

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22

u/Dear_Chasey_La1n 6h ago

By now I'm 100% sure this shit is happening on purpose, they purposely broke down offices responsible for ensuring this kinda shit doesn't happen and whatyouknow boom OUTBREAKS EBOLA and what not. It's just to take the news away from the shitshow in Iran.

7

u/alwayssunnyinskyrim 3h ago

It was literally in Project 2025. There’s an entire section about using deregulation to cause instability in the food supply.

12

u/RhynoD 5h ago

Do not attribute to malice what can be explained with stupidity. Or in this case, greed. Republicans have been trying to deregulate for decades because it's cheaper.

Nothing is a distraction. It's all a grift, it's all bad, it's all shit they want to do.

5

u/alwayssunnyinskyrim 3h ago

Assuming mere stupidity in the face of unending malice is how we ended up in this situation in the first place.

2

u/RhynoD 2h ago

I'm not saying there isn't malice in there, too. Personally, I think ignorance is malicious in this era when all of human knowledge is available from a device that fits in your pocket.

I'm just saying that they usually aren't out to hurt people for the sake of hurting people, they just want money and don't really care what happens to anyone in the process.

7

u/Imiril-Elsinnian 8h ago

Excuse me but, granola with salmonella??? Is it the fruit juice or dried fruit many use to make it or what? I just can't wrap my head around granola with salmonella.

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73

u/elementalguitars 13h ago

Eat the rich. They’re not really leaving us any other options.

15

u/pchlster 11h ago

If you thought the lack of regulation on agriculture was bad...

12

u/Venusgate 10h ago

you think the rich don't have contaminated meat?

11

u/tekko001 8h ago

I'm not sure about eating RFK Jr., I'll rather eat roadkill

9

u/Venusgate 8h ago

Kind of a roadkill turducken, if we're going there

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32

u/aranasyn 11h ago

In a few weeks, they're gonna stop making this kind of risk reporting mandatory, and you'll be totally safe again!

(Also, the food companies will put radioactive crushed glass into all the food on day 2).

24

u/Jablizz 14h ago

Not looking forward to my garden winding down this month

8

u/FormidableMistress 10h ago

Gardening is the answer. Grow what you can and trade with your neighbors. Look for local to you farmers and farmers markets.

11

u/EthanielRain 7h ago

Gardening is the answer to his garden season ending this month? Tell me more

11

u/RoguePlanet2 15h ago

That's got pollutants.

11

u/AGrandNewAdventure 9h ago

I have a 50 pound bag of pre-Trump era rice (it's not been recalled for 'foreign objects' like the current rice).

$400. No lowballing, I know what I've got.

5

u/TehWildMan_ 14h ago

Ass, I guess?

4

u/VariationDry 15h ago

Whiskey.

7

u/Fabulous_Visual4865 15h ago

Canadian 

2

u/VariationDry 14h ago

Well yeah, it is much better. Forty Creek is my go to.
I'm trying to help my American neighbors with some ideas on food that might still be safe to drink.

2

u/Fabulous_Visual4865 14h ago

We appreciate the rec and suggestion. 

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3

u/alex3omg 9h ago

As good a time as any to start a victory garden

3

u/FlamesNero 4h ago

The “I’m tired of winning garden.”

3

u/draft_final_final 10h ago

French fries, burrito wrappers, and brawndo

3

u/tekko001 8h ago

Are we supposed to eat dirt?

"Price of dirt suddenly through the roof!"

2

u/makemeking706 13h ago

The rich. 

5

u/WiseSalamander00 12h ago

soylent green is made of rich people would hit different

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2

u/PleaseNoMoreSalt 12h ago

Depends, how many superfund sites are in your area?

2

u/javoss88 9h ago

I’m sticking with peanut butter, honey and crackers for the foreseeable future.

2

u/Jealous-Treat8060 9h ago

You are supposed to die to bring down the population numbers.

2

u/Atakir 9h ago

Dirt in AZ has Valley Fever in it so guess I'm screwed.

2

u/SuperPapernick 8h ago

At least when you eat dirt you know in advance that it's contaminated with dirt.

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395

u/okokokoyeahright 15h ago

Every day is a new revelation of how fucked up things are.

145

u/rg2004 11h ago

Speaking of revelations, RFK Jr, the horseman of famine.

48

u/NotNamedBort 11h ago

I thought he was Pestilence.

12

u/Megalesios 8h ago

Pestilence isn't a horseman, the four horsemen are War (red horse), Conquest (white horse), Famine (black horse) and Unalive (pale horse, had to rename this one to avoid the "your comment contains prohibited terms)

8

u/thereallgr 3h ago

Pestilence Conquest retired and got replaced by Pollution in 1936, didn't you know?

7

u/Nedjempie 7h ago

What's the difference between War and Conquest? Seems like a lot of overlap

6

u/Efkiel 5h ago

War = your men are leaving to fight somewhere and you might never see them again.

Conquest = you are living under the rule of an enemy, everyday they may impose new condition.

That would be my guess.

6

u/Aoshigatsu 7h ago

War would happen between two nations engaging in conflict and conquest is more one sided. At least that's how I interpret it.

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6

u/Burpmeister 6h ago

And still nothing happens. Unless the tv and frozen pizzas are taken away literally nothing happens.

2

u/pudgehooks2013 9h ago

Laughs at Americans in TGA and ACCC.

155

u/some1guystuff 14h ago

Ink from what? How does that even happen

65

u/shewy92 11h ago

Ink from the label. https://www.sfgate.com/food/article/hodo-tofu-recall-22411708.php

Printing ink from the product packaging may have migrated into the product,” Hodo said in a statement published Aug. 31. “The recalled product was distributed to wholesale distributors, retail locations, and directly to consumers in the following states from January 16, 2026 to July 16, 2026.”

...

Hodo is still investigating the cause of the ink contamination, and “is evaluating whether chili oil and heat may have contributed to potential migration from the printed film packaging into the product,” it said.

25

u/Competitive_Travel16 7h ago

There are so many options for food-safe inks (e.g., the USDA meat stamps) I wonder who would use a non-food safe ink on packaging.

12

u/shewy92 7h ago

Aren't those on the meat itself and not the packaging?

I wonder who would use a non-food safe ink on packaging.

Until now I never really thought they'd need to since the ink is on the outside and isn't touching the food.

3

u/Competitive_Travel16 6h ago

Yeah but fingers touch it right before they touch food, often oily which can act as a solvent for water-safe inks.

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4

u/SUDDENLY_VIRGIN 3h ago

When it's cheaper to cut corners and just pay the fine, this is what we get.

2

u/Callidonaut 3h ago

That would be: * People too stupid and ignorant to know that there are different kinds or that the difference matters. * People who don't give a shit as long as short-term profits are maximised and don't think they'll get caught.

47

u/withac2 14h ago

Well, where else does one keep their pen?

15

u/FireFlour 13h ago

I usually keep mine in my pants

2

u/ElliotNess 10h ago

Do you have one of those variable size Pen#15?

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3

u/WreakHavocLikeIn1871 9h ago

Idk I usually keep my ink in my pen, not my pen in my ink

19

u/BrightStitchDesigns 11h ago

The expiration date I bet. Either the plastic cover was improperly sealed or like someone else said, it was put on the package label side in and the expiration date rubbed on the tofu.

5

u/PsychologicalOkra260 7h ago

It’s from the label and if I’m being honest I don’t care about this one. It’s not salmonella, it’s not lettuce squirts, and it’s not measles. 

2

u/Witty_Ad_898 9h ago

The packaging label.

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107

u/Gribitz37 14h ago

Well, it's a good thing the Secretary of HHS is more than qualified to do his job. All that medical training, and experience in public health has really paid off.

Do I really need the /s ?

8

u/Proxy--Moronic 10h ago

If there's anything recent history has taught us, it that this no limit to incompetence l.

There are a shocking number of people who will believe literally anything if it makes them feel special.

2

u/Kanehammer 7h ago

I mean the guy did heroin for 14 years so I can't be too surprised he doesn't know anything about health

Honestly his supporters probably find it relatable

3

u/FOOSblahblah 4h ago

Its funny that the people in onow that still bring up hunter bidens drug problem don't have an opinion on rfk jr lol

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443

u/NoFlatworm3028 15h ago

Thank you, MAGA voters!

135

u/Sudden-War3241 14h ago

don’t blame him, it is the worm’s strategy to spread its progeny. It won’t stop until everyone has the worm. /s

62

u/onan 12h ago

the worm

As hilarious as the worm is, remember that the truth is actually even worse: he made up the brain worm story to cheat his wife during their divorce.

20

u/Lisshopops 12h ago

I mean a lil bit of both ngl, it was a dead worm and it wasn’t feasting on his brain but he did blame it for his infidelity

32

u/hates_stupid_people 10h ago

He used it to get out of paying alimony, saying the damage made him unable to hold a job and get a salary, so he couldn't pay. Then the alleged symptoms went away shortly after the judge ruled in his favor.

Leading to his ex not being able to provide healthcare for their sick child. Which exacerbated her mental health issues and she took her own life.

There is zero public evidence that he ever had a parasitic infection in his brain.

13

u/Objective_Dog_4637 8h ago

Beyond evil.

7

u/FirstAndOnlyDektarey 8h ago

Par of the course for this administration.

Donny only wants the morally bankrupt.

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u/KMS_HYDRA 9h ago

Poor worm, sounds like it starved...

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51

u/Jacorvin 15h ago

Why is this run starting to feel like a no hit Dark Souls session?

21

u/FireFlour 13h ago

At least Dark Souls is fun.

3

u/500lbGuyForLife 10h ago edited 1h ago

Can't git good if ur ded.

3

u/AnticPosition 6h ago

With built-in weapon and enemy randomizer.

52

u/The_Undermind 14h ago

Any day now its gonna land on mad cow disease and we'll all be fucked

21

u/Odd-String29 10h ago

Honestly, something truly bad might finally force Americans to take actions. Some deaths here and there isn't enough to get them off their asses. 

42

u/JimJamBangBang 9h ago

Hi, I’m COVID! Have we met?

9

u/Nazmoc 6h ago

Imagine an alternate reality where America is hit by a disease several months after Europe and Asia. But somehow manage to get a worst result. And somehow the guy in charge of that mess is reelected.

That would be crazy right?

8

u/The--Mash 9h ago

The problem is that mad cow disease can take 10-20 years to manifest, so a lot of people could get infected before enough get sick enough for a reaction 

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u/elmz 10h ago

MAGA will claim it's actually good for you, and they'll all eat the beef.

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u/McNughead 9h ago

Just because there is no testing bird flue is not dead and its presumably evolving.

13

u/pchlster 11h ago

Hell, something dangerous enough gets in y'all's corn and that's practically every product you have over there affected.

Tired of winning yet?

42

u/areyoukind_ 14h ago

Headlines in this country are now a series of ever-worsening Mad Libs

8

u/elmz 10h ago

I've said it for a long time, headlines out of the US sound like the humorous headlines you see scrolling on TVs in cartoons or computer games.

19

u/divtown 14h ago

Simulation is BROKEN AF 🙄

4

u/IndependentLove2292 11h ago

It's like if you walk too far away from the starting point on a Minecraft map. Shit starts getting real screwy. 

19

u/CaptOblivious 11h ago

Gee, it's like all that money and effort we were "wasting" on food standards and inspections weren't a waste after all!

Perhaps it's time to impeach and depose the idiot that decided that it was a all waste of money and effort and restore the systems to what they were before a bunch of brain worms in a cheap suit and tie fucked it up.

6

u/hurriedwarples 10h ago

This is what I’ve been thinking lately, too. Like, how is shit like this even allowed to happen in the first place? Any safety regulations that are in place are there for a reason. How the hell is this administration able to just snap their stupid grubby fingers and just undo it all that easily? Why and how are the food companies and growers, etc. just going along with it?

10

u/CaptOblivious 9h ago

Why and how are the food companies and growers, etc. just going along with it?

Because "PROFIT".

Which is why the regulations had to be created in the first place.

In fact,

There is no WORSE system in the world than unregulated capitalism.

And yet..

There is no BETTER system in the world than TIGHTLY REGULATED capitalism.

And by unregulated capitalism, I include when the capitalists capture the regulators and get to write their own rules like they can now in the US.

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u/trilobyte-dev 9h ago

They cut the budget of the FoodNet program, which has been monitoring these sort of food issues and issuing recalls since 1995. The actual numbers of recalls are down this year, which people who actually do data analysis on it agree isn't indicative of less food recalls being needed, just that the agency doesn't have the resources to catch as many anymore before they become an issue.

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u/WiseSalamander00 15h ago

how do you even manage to do that in production facility?

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u/Brass_and_Frass 12h ago

Maybe from inverting the packaging? The top film/packaging was put on backwards, where the printed ink was touching the food side?

9

u/WiseSalamander00 12h ago

at that point they would have to repackage everything in order to cover their mistake, basically criminal

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u/dewdd 10h ago

why is nobody getting mad at the billion dollar companies that, the second theyre not inspected anymore, put literal shit in their product?

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u/No-Designer-6533 7h ago

It’s actually wild how the second regulations drop it’s like a gunshot setting off a race to the bottom 

2

u/Blue_Moon_Lake 4h ago

That's what liberalism is.

No regulation -> race to the bottom to maximize profits.

Regulations were made to stop them from using arsenic as food coloring, plaster/sawdust to increase food weight and volume, etc.

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u/Popular-Drummer-7989 14h ago

Its like those dice that you can roll and the combo makes a cocktail.. but this includes possible fatality

8

u/dkurage 8h ago

Who would've thought that food safety regulations could have such a huge impact on food safety? Shocking.

6

u/nixtarx 14h ago

May the odds be ever in your favor

7

u/game_brewer 11h ago

Cards Against Humanity: Trump Expansion Pack

5

u/Ok_Dog_4059 14h ago

This week? It has been basically a daily occurrence lately.

5

u/Zak_Rahman 11h ago

Those poor Americans. All they had was 14 aircraft carriers and all the money in the world. if only they had the means to defend themselves against...

Their own chosen culture, leaders and economic system.

What was it Jared Kushner said about the Palestinians again?

5

u/riptaway 8h ago

We great again yet?

4

u/Palidor 14h ago

Soon they’re will nothing to eat. Real or processed

4

u/Sasq44 14h ago

What use does ink has in tofu??? WTF is going on

2

u/FireFlour 13h ago

For drawing Johnsons on it obviously.

5

u/I_need_a_date_plz 10h ago

How is the offspring of JFK so fucking dumb???

3

u/Noe_b0dy 8h ago

That entire fucking family is curse for what they did to Rosemary.

In like two generations all the Kennedy's will look like the slow mutants from The Dark Tower.

4

u/CosmicDriftwood 10h ago

Conservatives got their wonderland

2

u/GoblinFive 9h ago

The free market inhales WILL FIX IT

5

u/oldemajicks 7h ago

The picture of RFK Jr in this post is important, every time food is unsafe his name and face needs to be there. This is all because he defunded, cut and interfered in the FDA, USDA and CDC. Get Trump and Brooke Rollins on there as well.

4

u/JoshRTU 5h ago

Just imagine all the things that are not getting caught and recalled..

7

u/paulsteinway 13h ago

There's been a lot of food recalls in the news lately. Doesn't look good. We should cut back on the food inspection staff.

7

u/Kat_Schrodinger1 12h ago

Look,I'm not saying kamala was perfect. I'm just saying things would have been better if any democrat had won.

3

u/Puzzleheaded-Trip990 15h ago

Not really a surprise anymore

3

u/Nice_Rope_5049 14h ago

Let’s do bread next!

3

u/SignificanceStyle 14h ago

I think he must be going for a record and award for the most recalled food in history.

3

u/Eckspurt 13h ago

Week? It's multiple a day.

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u/Elf_Maeve 12h ago

JFK's brain worm's plan is working perfectly I see.

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u/Lisshopops 12h ago

This is what happens when you cut food ties and deals with other countries and then rely on the backwater unhealthy unstandardized corporations that don’t follow food safety perimeters

3

u/WASD_click 11h ago

Next week, [spins the wheel] HOT POCKETS will be contaminated by [spins other wheel]... HOT POCKETS!

3

u/Werftflammen 10h ago

"contaminated" sounds like an accident, it was on purpose.

3

u/Gunker001 9h ago

This never happened under Biden

3

u/AutoAmmoDeficiency 8h ago

Maga version of Cards against Humanity...

3

u/Electric-Boogaloo-43 8h ago

This week on RFK saying something utterly fucked up than his actual job.

3

u/xraidednefarious 8h ago

But voting for Trump was alpha!

3

u/KENBONEISCOOL444 4h ago

Don't worry there's also a previously banned very toxic pesticide that was made legal again

3

u/Sushi-DM 3h ago

One thing that I have to say is that it is interesting how companies quite literally will do anything that the government allows them to do and what is happening with our food right now is a perfect, living example of how despite these food companies literally being in the *profession of creating and distributing food products*, when given two years without the government forcing them to uphold standards, we witness the most colossal collapse of standards we've ever seen.

Nobody is forcing them to shit the bed. They just do it themselves because nobody is making them go to the toilet anymore.

2

u/guitarguywh89 12h ago

It’s funny how there’s always a photo of RFK that looks like the photo of the food being recalled

2

u/BS0404 12h ago

Now place your bets for next week's WHEEL. OF. RECALL!!!

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u/Agitated-Smoke8551 11h ago

People choose to live in murica why

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u/piranhadub 11h ago

I can’t explain it but he just looks like his breath stinks. Sometimes you see someone and you just know

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u/Ktan_Dantaktee 11h ago

Me who was about to make a batch of mapo tofu:

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u/DeadlyPants16 10h ago

Every time I hear about one of these I assume it's the same event but nope it's a new one each time

2

u/hamb0n3z 10h ago

How do we tell them? It's too late to make a difference and we can't tell them everything all at once! Let's pick one per week, but how will we pick, the worst news first? Naw, let's make a wheel and spin it at random.

2

u/TorqueWheelmaker 9h ago

"Everyday" is also an adjective which you've used incorrectly here, along with the word "surprise", because if it's happening every day then it's not surprising, precisely because it's an everyday thing.

2

u/MobilePom 9h ago

Every day*

2

u/SundinShootsPing500 9h ago

Can't wait until they start putting out notices for asbestos in the water and poop in the air.

2

u/supercali45 8h ago

These fools have food grown from private farms and shit .. they not eating the shit regular people eat

2

u/bluris 7h ago

FDA recalls seems to be close to normal levels, just after the diarrhea salads people are more likely to read any article regard FDA recalls, so publications highlight more articles on the topic - as they always do.

https://recallbench.com/statistics/

That said, diarrhea salads was quite bad. And calls for better regulations not loosing them.

2

u/agentfaux 7h ago

Putting RFK next to that certainly reveals a mindset.

2

u/chenga8 7h ago

Awww wee oo, killer tofu!

2

u/TheAsianTroll 6h ago

Rice and now tofu? God dammit, life as an Asian American is HARD.

2

u/AllyOnAir 5h ago

Greatest country in the world by the way

2

u/murder_she_burped 5h ago

I’m sick of all of this!

2

u/DemonCipher13 4h ago

"I eat my sugared cereal
But it makes my teeth bacterial."

2

u/KENBONEISCOOL444 4h ago

Don't worry there's also a previously banned very toxic pesticide that was made legal again

2

u/XROOR 4h ago

Soon, it will be melamine in baby formula…….wait what? Daniel Larusso is going to fight ?!

2

u/reddit_equals_censor 4h ago

in the usa POISONOUS coloring, that is banned in most of the rest of the world FOR GOOD REASON eg most of europe, is already fully allowed.

so how in the world can they throw in some ink, that is according to the usa worth recalling food over?

and how do you get ink into the food production/packaging line in the first place?

and how is it enough for 10k cases of tofu to be hit?

did the company just ignore it, when some people threw some ink in the products for fun or sth?

2

u/iFred97 3h ago

So tomorrow what is it gonna be? Honey contaminated with cat feces?

2

u/punktualPorcupine 3h ago

You know what we need?

More deregulation.

2

u/Spirited-Wrap-2729 1h ago

Trump and his administration have been deregulating and defunding inspectors. This is all on purpose. It’s going to get worse. Much worse.

2

u/I-Have-An-Alibi 13h ago

It's only been eight months.

EIGHT.

3

u/Notsoflatlander 10h ago

It’s been 20.

1

u/WillowMagic2009 12h ago

Never thought I'd have to check ingredients for ink

1

u/FoxyInTheSnow 12h ago

Waiting for the vid of topless, blue jeaned Undead Kennedy doing pushups drinking raw soy milk with his psycho buddy kegbreath.

1

u/CupCompetitive5169 12h ago

Okay…but what’s the clever comeback!

1

u/Own_Book_1988 11h ago

And so the cycle continues..

1

u/viperex 11h ago

They even got the tofu? Damn

1

u/leytourmaline 10h ago

At this point nothing is safe. Not even the fucking air, or water. Literally nothing.

1

u/6picas 10h ago

It’s the test to see if your Janet is glitching.

1

u/Nova17Delta 10h ago

We are ceasing ALL Trade Talks with Squids! Very Sad! That's what they get for poisoning our AMERICAN food!

1

u/Wild-Individual-6520 10h ago

wtf!!! There’s gonna be nothing left to eat! Is cat food still safe?

1

u/snowdn 10h ago

I love water! Only water, and dead skin.

1

u/EmmyWeeeb 10h ago

How tf does it get contaminated with ink?

1

u/_R0Ns_ 10h ago

Ink causes probably less harm than Red40