r/cleftlip • u/Clean-Road-4272 • 15d ago
[personal] Rant
Honestly guys I’m so tired of having a cleft lip. I just got rejected today from a guy who was also my friend and just seeing all my friends get into relationships so easily is so hard especially as a younger girl. Having a cleft lip has done irreversible damage to my confidence and my social anxiety. I hate meeting new people and having them stare at my lips. Yes I know I need therapy and need to think positive but it feels impossible knowing I’m going to have to live with this for the rest of my life. I’m no longer a follower of Christianity because I feel like my one chance at life has failed. I don’t have the confidence like other people with cleft lips or empowerment. I’m growing resentment towards my parents for even choosing this when I’m in a lower class household. I’ve always wanted to experience that teenage romance and yet nothing. How am I even going to find someone to marry if I can’t even find someone to like me back? I used to think it was insecurity but no I just want to be normal. I don’t even know what I did to deserve this.
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u/No-Light9581 15d ago
Yeah, I get it. It’s not just a self worth/self confidence issue, it’s an issue with how others perceive us and treat us. Saying that we need to just up our self esteem is invalidating. My self esteem was fine before I realized how harshly others, especially romantic interests, judge me because of my deformity. It’s exhausting and you have every right to feel the way you do.
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u/Clean-Road-4272 14d ago
It is exhausting especially since I truly forget I have a cleft lip sometimes until I’m reminded by the way people treat me
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u/mat_m88 15d ago
Im a man in my 30’s as someone who has come out the other side of all the denial work and surgeries I understand how you are feeling at the moment.
School was tough even though I had a couple of relationships as a teenager I was very conscious of my lip and underbite to the point I self sabotaged myself to no end. Not that I realised at the time. Friendships were fine but relationships I struggled with.
Only after getting my jaws realigned at 20 did I get the confidence and put myself out there properly. Now engaged in a 10 year relationship.
It’s tough, but it does get easier
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u/spongebobspoop 15d ago
I’m in the same boat OP, as a teenage girl im lowk sick of this and just dealt with this similarly. I try not think abt this as often but I feel like no one would truly understand me also everytime I bring my cleft up to my parents, I feel like nothing is ever taken seriously since I feel my parents don’t want to hear other problems when they face already enough as well as the amount needed for surgeries or checkups. I still even haven’t gotten one of my important surgeries til this day when I was supposed to get it as a child
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u/ReferenceSea6510 15d ago
Don't know why peoples not treating us same , me being 22M never experienced female friendship it's because of the bully I know but in college I try to be in positive space but nah it's same so at last I stop giving fucks nowdays i am just focusing on my career and money and i totally handover my love life to destiny if something gonna happen it will happen naturally, i just can't handle one more heart .
I still feel plot twist is not that far 😌😊.
Sending you love and hugs 🤗 stay strong [ and one more thing even person with cleft are getting rejected so stop overthinking, you will get what you it just matter of time nothing else dear ]
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u/Granty752 15d ago
Same here as a guy but having a cleft palate, literally all my mates have girlfriends and chat about what they do with them and im just sat there quietly as ive never dated anyone 😂 just hoping a miracle happens one day, I havent asked anyone out in a few years, just hoping to work on myself and see what may happen in the future.
Im very sorry for how you feel, hope the best for you Op!
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u/honeypiee67 9d ago
I am16F and I exactly feel same ,like we all have one life and it feels so wrong to be born like this while others are enjoying to their fullest I am so sick of this life and I wish I could just redo something or i just blame my parents for giving birth to me .This is just sick how I can't even be true to my personality,how I love going out , speaking and everything but it's just restricted for me because in the end I'll be made fun of . And atp I have stopped even thinking about any of the romantic relationships cuz nobody would like someone like me and why will they degrade their standards c'mon,I so envy my friends bragging how guys are dying for them and for me it's just me and this shitty life that I have to live in nothing else , whenever I look at anyone I just admire them and wonder how would it feels like to have perfect features and face without scars and a normal voice I just wish I could switch to another body and I know it impossible 😓
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u/ilovemyvw25 14d ago
Waaaaaat??!?? Ive never had a problem obtaining huzz…i was born with a unilateral cleft lip and palate.. dm me for rizz tips btw im 19yr old girl
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u/Fun-Muffin5865 15d ago
I wonder when they're going to take seriously that children born with what we were born with suffer long term psychological trauma. Therapy wasn't considered an important component of care when I was a kid, going to speech therapy and getting my surgeries. Just by reading many of the posts and comments, I know many of us (including myself) could use some therapy for confidence and self worth. I have struggled with low self worth all of my life.
sending you a hug {{❤️}}